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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why don't people want to use paid childcare

153 replies

cadburyegg · 06/05/2023 08:20

I've noticed irl some people have a bit of an aversion of using paid childcare like wraparound care, holiday clubs etc because they don't want strangers looking after their children. Their children are in school though so they are being looked after by "strangers" all day.

So they rely fully on their kids grandparents who are often not available so if their shifts clash with their OH then they are stuck but they still won't consider using childcare. They talk about how hard it is to juggle everything too.

These are fairly well off families with mc lifestyles and holidays 3x a year so it's not like they can't afford it. I guess they don't want to spend the money on childcare.

AIBU to not understand this? I'm a single parent and rely on after school clubs and holiday clubs etc. I'd find not knowing what childcare arrangements are happening from one week to the next really stressful!

OP posts:
NEmama · 06/05/2023 08:21

They don't want to spend the money

Rainbowqueeen · 06/05/2023 08:22

I think there’s a high level of guilt for some people.

And others don’t want to admit that they don’t want to pay for care when they can get family to do it for free But the stranger thing is a convenient excuse

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 08:23

There's another thread running at the moment where a poster has declared that paying for a babysitter is "sad and miserable" 🙄

Some people have this belief that paying for childcare somehow means you don't love your kids.

MrMarkham · 06/05/2023 08:24

I pay for childcare and I can't even afford one holiday a year. So there's your answer 😃

LolaSmiles · 06/05/2023 08:24

They've decided that saving the money is worth the inconvenience of not making reliable childcare arrangements.

Like you I'd find it stressful.

modgepodge · 06/05/2023 08:27

Also bear in mind some kids may really hate going to holiday clubs etc. I realise this may also be the case for some kids who have no choice but to go, but if you have a choice and your kid hates it why wouldn’t you avoid it? (Not speaking for myself personally, my daughter is nursery age and I’ve always used paid for childcare except for random days with grandparents and have no aversion to the idea!)

also it’s just how it adds up…I have no issue paying ~£60-70 day for nursery/childminder for work. But paying similar to go out for a few hours in the evening is something I’ve yet to manage to justify to myself. Once you add in drinks, food, taxi etc it becomes hundreds of pounds for a night out which seems crazy.

icelollycraving · 06/05/2023 08:30

I’ve used childcare since Ds was a year old. We both work full time. No holidays here either!
My sister also would ask me to have her dd on my days off, would rely on friends etc and never paid for childcare. She has holidays, but is tight snd wouldn’t pay for childcare. She used to say the stranger thing too.

Sartre · 06/05/2023 08:31

Well, I’ve had a couple of years paying for it for 2 children full time three days a week and it’s set us back tens of thousands even after universal hours.

If we had a keen relative willing to care for them for free I’d probably take it 😂, alas we do not… Older one will be in reception in September and then at after school clubs which are significantly cheaper and will save us a fortune.

Sugarfree23 · 06/05/2023 08:32

To save money.

But I'll say for shift workers paid child care is probably a nightmare few places will let people book ad-hoc and very difficult to get at the weekend.

DucksNewburyport · 06/05/2023 08:33

I know what you mean OP. And people who say "we haven't got any family who live locally so we haven't had a night out in x years". I just don't get it. Why not pay for the occasional babysitter?

ghyt · 06/05/2023 08:34

I tried to avoid holiday club as much as possible as I felt guilty that they were in school all day and wraparound care, and I felt bad if they then needed to be in organised childcare in the holidays. We manage it ourselves on the whole with no holiday clubs, but they do go to grandparents (who live away) for 2-3 weeks in the summer. That's the only time the grandparents babysit over the year though so it's not a chore so much as their bonding time! Win win for everyone really.

Thehonestbadger · 06/05/2023 08:34

These are fairly well off families with mc lifestyles and holidays 3x a year so it's not like they can't afford it. I guess they don't want to spend the money on childcare.

You are grossly underestimating the cost of wrap around/holiday care. Breakfast/after school club runs £2k per child per year around here are around £45/50 a day so even with a week off for Christmas that’s still approx £3k per child per year.

If we were to use all paid childcare (couldn’t actually as eldest is disabled but hypothetically) it would cost approx £10k per year for both our kids.

Thats not exactly ‘give up one of your holidays and solve all your problems’ that’s give up all of your holidays and still not break even kinda territory

WhatNoRaisins · 06/05/2023 08:36

It could be people not wanting to admit that they would struggle to afford it.

LittleBearPad · 06/05/2023 08:37

These days I need only ad hoc childcare and it’s tricky to find when I need it as it’s very much a one-off. It’s easier to ask gps

Truestorypeeps · 06/05/2023 08:37

Wife is a SAHM. We've not paid for a babysitter yet as the youngest is only 2 (eldest is 6) and they've both been 'spoilt' to always have either one or both of us there. 6 year old could of course cope as he's old enough, goes to school etc., but the 2 year old, I don't think he's ready yet. I'd say we'll consider it this time next year, see what he's like.

Thehonestbadger · 06/05/2023 08:38

^also paid childcare is super sensitive about sending kids home/not accepting them poorly, which small children inexplicably are all the damn time. Grandparents/family tend to have much higher tolerance for temperatures/vomit/general child grot

There’s nothing more defeating than paying ALL OF THE MONEY to childcare and then having to scramble for grandparent care every other week anyway because the kids are always poorly.

Our two go to private nursery 3 mornings a week that’s £42 a session and they’ve not been in over 3 weeks now as we’ve had chicken pox followed by a sickness bug. We still had to pay that whole time. There’s £750 we’ve essentially set on fire!

Shinyandnew1 · 06/05/2023 08:39

It’s odd, isn’t it. I’ve seen people on other threads complaining that their parents won’t babysit their kids overnight so they can go out and they had to persuade friends to have kids overnight for another night out. Why does HAVE to be overnight?! It would be so much easier to find a babysitter if it’s for the evening!

People saying they don’t want a stranger to look after their kids, but everyone is a stranger till you get to know them-if you use them a few times, they won’t be a stranger any more! Complaining they don’t want to use a paid system like Sitters because people ‘in real life’ don’t do things like that and they will only go out if someone will have their kids overnight seem to be cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Wisenotboring · 06/05/2023 08:40

I think it's a matter of degrees isn't it. There is a balance between an optimal time out of the home with different people and settings and just being at home with a close relative. I would say there is a real difference in what children can tolerate.depending on age, temperament and quality of provision. One of my 3 children in particular really just needed to be close to me. I work in education too and see it there. A limited number/shortish wraparound sessions seems to OK for most children but the ones in for 5 really long days plus all school holidays don't seem to thrive on it. Like I say though, I think it's quite personal to other factors.

Truestorypeeps · 06/05/2023 08:41

Just to add, Six year old loves holiday clubs in the summer, they are approx 10am-2pm here (Ireland) and the ones they go to are geared around sports and indoor games. He gets ten weeks school holidays and 3 of these are at the clubs. Cost is approx €250 for all 3 weeks. You are lucky in the UK that you only have to occupy them for 6 weeks!

BranstonTickle · 06/05/2023 08:47

My childcare bill for 2 kids (one of whom is in school) is 2x my mortgage per month, and that's for the two least popular (a bit rubbish) settings in my area (massive demand and not enough providers) and tax free childcare. It's shit and i don't know why I'm expected to not dislike being in this situation. Our parents are all dead, and that's shit, too. They'd have loved to have helped us out. There's a lot going on in my life right now but the financial and emotional toll that childcare takes is up there.

Yes I am looking into cutting my hours at work but that's not going to solve the situation completely. And yes we did factor moat of this in when we decided to have kids but let's be honest, nothing can really fully prepare you for everything that parenthood throws at you.

BranstonTickle · 06/05/2023 08:47

*most

Merrow · 06/05/2023 08:48

I'm happy paying for holiday club and wrap around care, but I feel more nervous about a babysitter because it's just one person. I also worry about DS waking up to a person he doesn't know in his house. I think it's also influenced by my parent's paranoia to be honest, as we were only ever looked after family in the evening!

Having said that, there's now someone who works at DS' nursery who is happy to babysit, and I'd be ok with that as she's gone through all the checks at nursery and DS knows her.

ZillionDayStreak · 06/05/2023 08:50

Some young DC take so long to settle with a new person / setting and get so upset by it that it’s just easier not to bother if it’s a ‘nice to have’ rather than a necessity.

I chose to go back very part time as my first DC was a high needs baby who cried unless held, and I knew no childcare provider would be able to cuddle her all day every day and might struggle to be patient with all the crying. So it was family care all the time until she started doing a couple of mornings at a lovely preschool with staff who did cuddle her lots.

BranstonTickle · 06/05/2023 08:50

@Merrow yeah we would go with a nursery practitioner if we needed an evening babysitter. I couldn't face having a complete stranger do it. But I understand for other people that would be unavoidable.

Ginnybaby · 06/05/2023 08:51

Merrow · 06/05/2023 08:48

I'm happy paying for holiday club and wrap around care, but I feel more nervous about a babysitter because it's just one person. I also worry about DS waking up to a person he doesn't know in his house. I think it's also influenced by my parent's paranoia to be honest, as we were only ever looked after family in the evening!

Having said that, there's now someone who works at DS' nursery who is happy to babysit, and I'd be ok with that as she's gone through all the checks at nursery and DS knows her.

Goodness. You should introduce the childminder to the child before they baby sit.