Why don't people want to use paid childcare

[cadburyegg]

I've noticed irl some people have a bit of an aversion of using paid childcare like wraparound care, holiday clubs etc because they don't want strangers looking after their children. Their children are in school though so they are being looked after by "strangers" all day.

So they rely fully on their kids grandparents who are often not available so if their shifts clash with their OH then they are stuck but they still won't consider using childcare. They talk about how hard it is to juggle everything too.

These are fairly well off families with mc lifestyles and holidays 3x a year so it's not like they can't afford it. I guess they don't want to spend the money on childcare.

AIBU to not understand this? I'm a single parent and rely on after school clubs and holiday clubs etc. I'd find not knowing what childcare arrangements are happening from one week to the next really stressful!

Look at Julia on that tv programme.
They don't want to pay but give other reasons so as not to appear mean.

Wraparound care or holiday clubs are different to a babysitter in my opinion. We are happy to leave the children in familiar environments but I wouldn't want them waking up at night, or someone else getting them changed etc.

It's our choice and we have no help so we simply don't go out together. Kids are 4 and almost 3. I might be more willing to try it when they are old enough to understand, however there is also a cost issue. Wraparound care and holiday clubs are essential so we can work. We don't need to go out so why pay extra for the privilege? I'd rather have the extra money to spend on days out with the kids.

I will never ask my parents again for help. They said they'd look after my eldest for a day until my husband got home from work (9-5) when he was 18 months because I had to go to another city for work. It was a one-off job as I was at home full-time at that point. They then refused to do with about three days' notice. I had to scramble to find a random childminder who he didn't know. It was horrible.

I had a friend once who would only consider going back to work 2 days a week because she would only countenance grandparent care!

And most kids would be happier in a holiday club with organised activities than with reluctant family members.

Some holiday clubs are run by mostly disinterested teens, there’s a few near us that I avoid because I don’t think they do a good job of looking after the kids

Very similar situation around here. We’re lucky in that we have sufficient options to be able to pick and choose and I have enough experience of these settings to have a good sense of what will and won’t work for DD. I can see, though, that many of our local friends are so time poor and desperately scrabbling around for childcare (especially with all the strikes etc) that they end up sending their children to some quite unsuitable settings and are then surprised when they are miserable there.

I would be very, very hesitant to put any future child of mine into a nursery. They are underpaid and overworked and a lot of the young women (teens) very quickly realised it was a pretty crappy job and many had awful attitudes towards the kids

I wouldn’t go this far - our experience of private nursery was that DD was generally well cared for - but the young practitioners’ lack of experience and professionalism did start to show by the end. For example they’d often do ‘spa days’ with the preschool girls but not the boys, where they’d paint nails and talk about boyfriends, while the boys were more likely to be picked for forest school activities ‘because boys like all that tree climbing stuff’. Just lazy stereotyping, and I felt that they would have benefitted from some older, more experienced, less excitable staff to tone it all down a bit (not going to happen though when everyone is on minimum wage).

I didn't use childcare because my children absolutely hated it. They couldn't bear any kind of noisy after school club or activity club.

Have never used grandparents for childcare (estranged from mine and DHs are miles away and wouldn't be able to do it if local anyway).

I basically worked around my kids when they were small. Did a job based from home with lots of visits that I scheduled in school hours.

In the holidays I used to do childcare swaps with a friend with DC in the same classes who my kids knew very well.

I know now they are teens that my children are both autistic and really struggled with childcare environments, especially the noisy after school clubs.

Both of them have struggled with secondary school, one now does online school and the other we moved from her academy to a much smaller school.

I'm glad I met their needs when they were younger instead of bowing to pressure from people who told me to just put them in after school club because that's what they did.

Not all children cope with childcare.

Why is it ridiculous to not want to leave an unfamiliar adult in charge of your home and children???

Some nurseries especially expensive chain ones I'd avoid. My nursery was half the price of others, is a charity with not very fancy buildings but the staff turnover is low. So low that my 4yr old who's there now has the sake staff my 11yr old did at 1 Yr old. That's management and many key workers. Most staff have degrees in child development, certainly room leaders do and other staff level 3. They don't really hire teenagers but when they do they often stay. A friend who was my oldest key worker left to do a psych degree 2 years ago but was sad to leave, right for her career development though.
I use a local pre school where the manager is a mum of my second oldests friend, the committee are made of up local people I know from having older kids at the school. So if you are careful and choose well childcare is fine.

A loving active grandparent who has an emotional attachment to the child, and the child to them, is a great asset all round.

My mother did my (part time) wraparound child care, while dad also does school pick up and drop offs, and my kids adore her.

She takes them swimming, plays with them, reads to them and they all benefit from the arrangement. It's also free.

I could afford paid childcare but why would I want strangers looking after my kids after a day at school or nursery? They're tired and all strangered out and love to see a familiar face. The one to one interaction is great.

My children aren’t school age yet, but I’m already concerned about childcare.

I feel like being in official ‘childcare’, rather than being with family after a long day at school is too much, but grandparents aren’t an option for us.

I know lots of children thrive in wraparound care. But I also remember being really relieved to get home after school and would have hated it personally.

Not all family members are reluctant!

If they are then they're not suitable.

My ds9 has gone to friends /grandparents in the holidays I have not paid for childcare since he was 5 . I arrange it all weeks in advance , my husband and I work shifts so it's not like someone is having 9-5 5 days a week . One day he might start at 12 and I finish at 2 for example . I always buy friend flowers /wine for having him .

I agree. Many would rather take advantage of grandparents than pay, but few will admit to that motivation.

I only pay for the odd day of holiday club/wraparound care because my children have an absolute blast when there.

If they didn't. I wouldn't pay for it. I'd take the hit on my wages if needed and make my hours fit around them.

They are my priority. No other reason.

In our case, it's because it's prohibitively expensive. After the birth of my third child, the cost of childcare per day would have exceeded my earnings. I'm now self employed after having number 4, partner works from 3am- 12pm and I work around school hours etc. It works for us. We could never have afforded childcare for all of them but are fortunate enough to be able to maintain a good standard of living and continue working without needing the childcare now.

These are fairly well off families with mc lifestyles and holidays 3x a year so it's not like they can't afford it. I guess they don't want to spend the money on childcare.

In cases where money isn't the key issue, sometimes it's about convenience, especially where three children are involved. Not all ages are appropriate for wraparound care, and families may have a mix. Easier to bring childcare to you. For some, there will be concerns about quality (although you could say that about home paid care too, in some cases).

Totally agree. I would hope it's not obligation but that the family wants to and enjoys it. If I had the option, it would be family. I don't really know why anyone wouldn't use family or friends if they had a choice. Of course it depends on what's involved ie sitting in front of the TV all day at the grandparents isn't as good as being outdoors and doing activities somewhere else (with appropriate, responsible supervision)

But unless you homeschool and never send your child to activities or playgroups, they're being looked after by "strangers" every day when they go to school etc, surely?

It's obvious that there is a difference between a child in a school in a class of 30 with DBSed adults in a formal education setting and picking a random adult off the internet to be alone in your home with your child.

Totally, I love seeing grandparents doing activities with their grandchildren when I'm with my DC - swimming, playgroup, park etc it's so special and such great bonding. It makes me feel genuinely happy for those children as I think they are really lucky

From what I have observed, many grandparents start out idealistically enthusiastic about providing childcare. Reluctance sets in after doing it for a while and realizing how tiring and thankless it is.

It's not just about the money!
I think family have a vested interest in the care of my children. It was that more than the money that made me not want them.cared for outside family. Mine are older now but I'm happy I didn't have to do afternoon clubs with them. A lot of children hate it.

After school clubs

I had my first DC 19 years ago and have never used a random babysitter, just not something I would do. Comparing childcare with school is daft, my DC have all went through the same primary school, with your youngest in her final year there - in that time I have yet to see a teacher leave except a couple through retirement. Regular subs then became their replacement. It is an extremely stable workforce. The local nursery however is recruiting literally every other month.

That is not comparable in terms of the OPs point of familiar adults.

My DC were minded by grandparents but that was because they liked to get home after a long day in school - not have an even longer day in school! They liked to get in and chill for a bit then get their homework done. Obviously if I didn't have the luxury of relatives to help with childcare then I would have had to use wraparound but I didn't HAVE to so I didn't. I work shifts so it was easy to juggle and I actually minded little nieces and nephews for my siblings too on my days off.

Whether to use childcare or not is a personal decision or often out of your hands. Lets not judge others for their choices!

Also after spending a whole day at school, after school clubs aren't that great. I see it. A lot of kids hate it. I'm a teacher and they express it at the end of the day. I'm lucky I didn't have to. I appreciate that often there's no choice.

Who said anything about leaving your child with a random stranger off the internet?