Why don't people want to use paid childcare

[cadburyegg]

I've noticed irl some people have a bit of an aversion of using paid childcare like wraparound care, holiday clubs etc because they don't want strangers looking after their children. Their children are in school though so they are being looked after by "strangers" all day.

So they rely fully on their kids grandparents who are often not available so if their shifts clash with their OH then they are stuck but they still won't consider using childcare. They talk about how hard it is to juggle everything too.

These are fairly well off families with mc lifestyles and holidays 3x a year so it's not like they can't afford it. I guess they don't want to spend the money on childcare.

AIBU to not understand this? I'm a single parent and rely on after school clubs and holiday clubs etc. I'd find not knowing what childcare arrangements are happening from one week to the next really stressful!

But the only way your children can get to know a babysitter is for you to hire them and use them regularly, surely?

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to use neighbours or family, so if they want to go out without their children, they have no choice but to use a babysitter.

That doesn't mean they're leaving their kids with total strangers.

I don't really care what other people choose to do. That's up to them to decide what they're happy with for their children and the person they have decided to allow to care for their children. They are free to decide whatever threshold of 'getting to know' the children they consider acceptable.

I do care that parents who opt not to leave their children with strangers are accused of being ridiculous.

It's not surprising, that some parents would rather make changes to their social calendar than have an unknown (or minimally known give or take a brief meeting) adult alone in their house with their children.

People make whatever choices they want for their circumstances, but it doesn't make it ridiculous to opt out of using a babysitting service.

C'mon it is because you can get it for free. Nothing to do with strangers etc. 😁

I paid £750 a month in 2010 & 2011 for full time childcare. Then ASC from reception through to year 6. I clearly have no objection to other people caring for my son.

It's the cost that puts people off, nothing else. Like you I preferred to rely on professional childcare but I still used every moment of annual leave to cover holidays so I could spend time with ds and avoid more cost.

Ds had no grandparents and the rest of my family work, so there were no offers.

People make whatever choices they want for their circumstances, but it doesn't make it ridiculous to opt out of using a babysitting service.

Hmm, I agree people shouldn't be ridiculed but equally you can't say you have no options for childcare when what you really mean is that you have options, you just don't want to use them.

Which is fair enough - everyone is entitled to make their own choices - but I think it's understandable that people who have no choice but to use babysitters get a bit offended by some of the terminology being used.

Children who are left with babysitters aren't "miserable and sad" or "left with random strangers on the internet" - it's hardly a nice way to describe what is, for many people, essential childcare. Not saying you've done that, by the way, but many have.

We use holiday clubs and wrap-around. Thus far we haven’t used babysitters as I’d prefer relatives if possible. There is a big difference between a holiday club and supervision arrangements and an individual coming into your home. I will use some of the nursery staff as I know and trust them. I’m less keen on a random teenager or someone off Facebook for example.

Hmm, I agree people shouldn't be ridiculed but equally you can't say you have no options for childcare when what you really mean is that you have options, you just don'twant to use them.

Which is fair enough - everyone is entitled to make their own choices - but I think it's understandable that people who have no choice but to use babysitters get a bit offended by some of the terminology being used.
I agree with you.

I do think some of the issue with the random strangers is (certainly in my case regarding leaving children with unknown adults) were following on from this post:

People who won't pay for babysitters because they don't like strangers looking after their kids are ridiculous

That poster was saying that people who won't use strangers to look after their children are ridiculous.
I still stand by my views that I'd not have an unknown adult or internet babysitter looking after my children and it isn't ridiculous to draw that line.

@Tanith I know what I mean but thank you for your time.

They can't afford it or don't want to pay.

it's nothing to do with strangers because they're no more strange then the teachers in schools

We have always used babysitters. Not once a random stranger though.

I wish people would stop equating the two.

If you don't want to use a babysitter that's entirely up to you but most people who do are not leaving their children with strangers.

We have always used babysitters. Not once a random stranger though.

I wish people would stop equating the two.

If you don't want to use a babysitter that's entirely up to you but most people who do are not leaving their children with strangers
I'll also use a babysitter: people I know and their children.

Unfortunately a poster up thread declared that people who won't have babysitters because they don't want strangers looking after their children are ridiculous.

That's why a lot of people have responded as they have.

Don’t want to spend the money, they probably can’t have the 3 holidays a year if they are paying for childcare. It is expensive.

@LolaSmiles I do think it's ridiculous that people say they won't leave their kids with strangers as a shorthand for babysitters because they can't/won't understand that you can get to know a babysitter first.

We have about four different babysitters we use, mostly we know them from the kids' nursery but one we found through an advert and then got to know and checked her references before we left her with our kids. Anyone could do that.

It sounds like they just do that because they have the choice and have got used to it so the alternatives seem scary.

We've never had grandparents available to look after our DC so "strangers" have been the only choice. Maybe if it hadn't been the only choice then it would have seemed strange.

I honestly don't think it's anything other than that! But it is a bit weird if they extend this to other people, suggesting others are being negligent by choosing to use ASC, nursery etc.

This is us.

I don't want people I don't know looking after my children. The thought of someone I don't know being in my home with my children, putting them to bed...no.

My husband and I literally haven't had a night out together in five years, and yes, I occasionally moan about it, but not a chance is anyone that we don't know looking after our children.

@LolaSmiles I do think it's ridiculous that people say they won't leave their kids with strangers as a shorthand for babysitters because they can't/won't understand that you can get to know a babysitter first.

We have about four different babysitters we use, mostly we know them from the kids' nursery but one we found through an advert and then got to know and checked her references before we left her with our kids. Anyone could do that.
Why is it ridiculous?
Serious question.

What's so ridiculous about someone deciding they will use babysitters they know well and they'd rather not look for an unknown sitter via an advert/internet?

Different people have different thresholds of how well they want people to know someone before leaving them alone with their children in their house.

Why? Why am I ridiculous for not wanting someone I don't know looking after the most precious things in my life?

They won't BE strangers though because you get to know them before leaving your children with them. You don't just let a randomner pitch up at your house and then disappear for two days while they care for your kids, lol.

They're strangers in that they're people previously unknown to you, but the same applies to childminders and nannies, yet people use them all the time.

What I am trying to say is:

It's ridiculous to say that you can't possibly get to know someone to the point where they are not a stranger before you hire them as a babysitter.

It's lazy and unfair to say that finding a sitter online makes them a stranger

What I am trying to say is:

It's ridiculous to say that you can't possibly get to know someone to the point where they are not a stranger before you hire them as a babysitter.

It's lazy and unfair to say that finding a sitter online makes them a stranger
And like I said, different people have different thresholds of how well they'd want to know someone /how well they'd want someone to know the children before they leave their children with them.

It isn't ridiculous for people to have different thresholds 🤷‍♀️.

Why other parents choosing to be more cautious regarding their childcare arrangements causes other people so much defensive angst is beyond me.

@LolaSmiles of course - as I said to begin with - everyone makes their own choices and has their own thresholds. But describing babysitters as strangers is ignorant and goady is all.

@LolaSmiles to expand a bit more, the babysitter that I found online, I met 3-4 times before she looked after my children. If that's not enough for someone else, that's totally fair enough. But it's not ok to describe her as a stranger because she wasn't. Fine if you want to say "I don't want to leave my kids with someone I have only met a few times", not ok to say "I wouldn't leave them with a stranger"

You wouldn't normally describe someone who you have met 3-4 times as a stranger, using that language is deliberately goady.

Yes, this is exactly what I mean.

My dc go to ASC 2x a week and they don't like it but they need to go so I can keep my job. I don't have a second income to fall back on. I'm very lucky that my mum picks up 2x a week otherwise they'd be in ASC even more.

tbh yes I would class someone I only met 3/4 times as a stranger! How do you get to know them beforehand as well I’m guessing you have to pay them for that? As they are not going to spend time with you for free

Yes we paid for some intro sessions. It's worth it to us to find someone reliable that the kids got on with.

How many hours do you spend with someone before they become someone you know not a stranger?

One of my friends who lives right next to her parents having her childcare largely covered by them, is always like: “Oh I don’t know how you do it, I would be so nervous leaving them with strangers!” - to me using babysitters. Ffs!