My parents are really pissed with DH- what would you do ?

[babysofmummys]

Parents came to visit a couple of months ago for a few days and it's transpired that they found my DH very rude.

Apparently they felt he was ordering them about to help and clean / make food while they were here.

They stayed for a week, during which we had my DD's birthday party. My parents are people who like to make themselves useful when they visit. If they see something needs doing, they just get on with it. My mum is an obsessively clean person and cannot stand mess and insists on tidying up/ gets frustrated if things are left out and takes over the cooking when she visits.

Apparently during this visit they felt like my DH ordered them around, on top of the stuff they were doing to help. He told my mum to make a salad or something and told my dad to carry some stuff outside..

He then didn't offer to make them drinks, while he was making drinks for other people. He also kept saying ' someone needs to clean up XXX or whatever is was and my mum felt he was implying she should do it. I have noticed him doing this before to her. He'll just keep repeating to her and to me that XXX needs cleaning or sorting or whatever, but he won't do it himself because he's ' never home ' and ' doesn't have time... it's quite annoying and rude

My parents felt disrespected and now I'm unsure whether to tell DH. I think he needs to know on some level, so he doesn't do it again.

Who cares what they think? The whole point is that the world doesn't revolve around them. OP needs to do what is best for herself and her own chosen and created family, including her husband unless she wants to get divorced and no long have him as part of her chosen and created family. Her parents' poor little hurt feelings should be the least of her concerns.

Well don't you sound lovely.

If my husband told me to get fucked for asking his mom to make a salad while we were having a party then he would no longer be married to me.

If you tell your husband to get fucked for asking for help, then you're abusive and I hope he leaves you because no one deserves that.

Exactly. If she stops talking to her mom about this and starts talking to her own husband who she vowed to put before everyone else then she will hopefully see what a big problem her mom has been in her own marriage.

Unless he's abusive and in that case she should just run and trash him to the whole world. But it sounds like he's just at his limit with her parents, who even OP admits are difficult and treat even her badly for dating to ask her father for help with something when she's pregnant, so I can only imagine how badly they treat him. In that case she needs to stop talking to the people who mistreat her and her husband about her husband, and start talking to her husband instead.

And if that doesn't solve it then marriage therapy or leave before she ends up just like her mom (maybe her husband is already just like her dad; hard to tell but that could definitely be possible since she excuses her dad's bad behavior so much and then may have married someone just like him whose behavior triggers her since it's so much like what she's always had to deal with since childhood probably.)

But in any event this is no recipe for a happy marriage and she should start focusing on herself and her own household and marriage instead of worrying about her parents all the time. The whole title of her thread focuses on asking whether she should talk to her husband because her parents are pissed at him.

She has to cut the cord before she can look at her own life and handle it like a grown woman instead of a child always worried about what her parents will think or say or do. I really do hope she's serious about stepping back from them and I hope she doesn't invite them to stay in her house again for more of this same misery!

Sitting on your azz and ordering someone to make a salad is not asking for "help". It's acting entitled and lazy, something I am guessing the OP's NSDH does often. If he wanted his parents to have a salad, he was perfectly capable of making one and not thinking others should do his bidding.

But, you seem to dislike parents and think all are evil, so anything I say will fall on deaf ears.

Enjoy your day.

they both sound like a pain

but i wouldnt complain to my parents about my dh then expect them to be quiet and be sweetness and light with him

shes heard just your side and is telling you what she thinks

I just want to say something about this. I'm not sure I've mentioned. But I've previously posted about my relationship on here before. Every time posters have advised me to talk to someone about this and to keep reaching out for support. I've even got in touch with the domestic abuse hotline and I've downloaded the freedom programme. I am not saying it's abuse. Everyone here has repeatedly told me it is and that I need to keep speaking to at least my mum for support.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm seeking professional support anyway because I'm in a vicious circle where I keep trying to get advice on here about mh relationship and I keep being told it's abuse, but I'm not sure. The advice I've received has actually changed the way I behave ( for example keeping my mum in the loop about stuff ). And standing up for myself more with DH etc. I'm so confused about everything even more now. But I just wanted to add this detail.

I will seek help with a professional to unpick this and my relationship, as I feel I'm getting nowhere by coming on here for support / and speaking to my mum. I just feel stuck in a rut. Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my many posts and to this one.

@Nanaof1
but learning to give some grace as I got older…
Wow, that’s just an outright lie, I saw your posts, they are actually very disgraceful, you are mean, swearing like a trooper, trolling people and constantly contradicting yourself ( lots of grandchildren, Nana of 1 etc which makes me think you don’t have a child, let alone grandchildren)

Read to page two I'm sorry but I can't see what your dh did wrong with them. They like to help but not be asked to do speficic things?

How is that helpful?

I can't see what's so awful about your dh asking her to make a salad.
Maybe he tried to direct her because she's annoying?

Fwiw Mil does this martyr thing as well, Can't sit still does lots of stuff not actually asked for and then acts like a martyr for doing it.

Having gc being able to do anything at kids party is actually quite a privilidge. Why couldn't she /they say no to making the salade? "I'd love too but I'm shattered after" making all the food soon going to sit down now.

People can ask things but also people can say no.

Babycakes6, thanks for showing me what sock-puppeting is. LOL!

Don't you need to go buy ten pounds of fruit for your DC today? You don't want to forget.
Or you can keep on stalking people because it really is making you look even lamer.

You got called on for your lies about a stepmom on another thread. You know you were lying and making up stories that never happened. You were denigrating her and castigating her for reasons that never existed. Most of your remarks got removed because you couldn't even follow the guidelines.

Take the loss and GTFU. LOL!🙄

I apologize to all the posters here who are being dragged into reading these rantings of a troubled person.

Here is the thread that has babycakes6/IhateTrolls (sock puppeting at its silliest)

Stepdaughter eating too much fruit | Mumsnet (most of her ranting abuse is on the last few pages, AFTER the stepmom came up with a brilliant solution to help her DSD)

Most of her posts were removed because of her abusive attacks on the stepmom. She got called out for her lies, lack of reading comprehension (baby therapypregnancy of steopmomCinderella) and denigrating comments to the stepmom by many people so she has retaliated by stalking.

Something is going on and though I don't know what it is, I would bet it has to do with a hate for stepmoms. She is a single mom so perhaps that is it.

Other than that, who knows!?