I've been with my husband since I was 16. I want to know what people really think?

[OrchidArcade]

Just that really. I always feel a bit embarrassed saying it, if it comes up in conversation. I'm sure people don't voice their inner thoughts such as 'how have you only ever had sex with one person' as an example. I guess this is a.sort of AMA slash what are you really thinking thread;

My husband & I met when I was 16 & he was 17. We got married 7 years later after we’d both been to separate uni’s. Now have 4 kids and a crazy dog and have just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. I have never met anyone since that has ever matched up to him, he’s my person and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

It’s never occurred to me what anyone else thinks of this, I couldn’t care less 😂

I met dh when I was 17, I'm 37 now, we married when I was 26.

As I’ve said it’s a nice idea, but I know it wouldn’t have worked for me, because I’m such a different person now at 55 to how I was at 15.

This is so weird, it's like you assume that someone who met their partner young is the same person now as they were back then? That's just silly. I think of course there is the chance that you will grow apart but there is also the chance that you will grow together and that is a really lovely thing. Dh has been there for me through so, so much. Our experiences have of course changed us, nobody stays static throughout their lives but we still 'get' each other just as much now as we did back then. Nobody knows me as well as dh, we have been with each other our entire adult lives and I think that that is really special tbh.

My parents are exactly the same. They've been together since my mum was 16 and my dad was 22. They got married when mum was 21.
I don't think it's a good thing tbh.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy I worry about people having this opinion. I know I shouldn't care!

I think thats why I made an effort to travel and live in London and study etc

I don't see why it matters if there's someone better. Nobody at any age can be certain that their partner is 'the one'. If you're satisfied with life, then these things don't matter.

I think it’s a bit gross for a 20 year old to want be with someone who’s still at school. But a 4 year age gap is nothing once you’re adults.

Aprt from that I’d just think you were lucky to have found Mr Right off the bat.

I literally wouldn’t think anything at all! Quite honestly.
If I DID have some reason to dwell on this fact I might wonder how either of you will cope when one of you dies, as neither of you have ever lived as a single adult before. But I’m a bit morbid.

I grew up in the church and it was pretty common. Couples would meet in youth group as 15 and 16 year olds and if they were still together at age 18, 19 (sometimes the grand ole age of 21!) they got married. The ones I'm still in touch with seem to be happy and settled. Some have travelled, some have kids...mixed bag really! Only one couple is now divorced.

So for me it's pretty ordinary and I wouldn't think twice about it. If you're happy, that's all that matters.

I think it's lovely. I admire you both for sticking at it and weathering the ups and downs.

@Silvergoldandglitter I do loads on my own. (Well I did before 2 children and a demanding job) Holidays with girlfriends, nights in to myself, nights out with friends, hotel stays for work. I hope that will return. Book club at the pub is the most exciting thing I do without Dh at the moment!!

Agree. I envy the OP.

I had so many ups and downs in my twenties in London. I didn’t want to be pubbing/clubbing with colleagues after work on a Friday, I wanted to be going home to a partner and children like the more senior women at work who’d married their school/uni boyfriends were doing.

As for “travel” …. well, young married/cohabiting women can travel if they wish. I’m sure the authorities don’t routinely confiscate the passports of people who met their life partner aged 14-20.

Haha! I think the grass is always greener. Although I'm happy there's always a what if about the children days.

Also grew up in a church. Known each other since we were 8 or 9 possibly earlier. . Got together when we were both 17, married at 24. We are now both mid 50’s with 3 children.

All of our friends who also married within the group married early and all remain happily married. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

I’m glad it worked out like that for us meeting early but everyone is different and on a different path. I think knowing someone from a young age means that you grew up together so you do really know the person and everything about them and their family.

*child free days

I've got a few friends who have been together forever since meeting as their first loves. I think it's wonderful to have found a soul mate so early on. Have u missed out? Well yes, you've missed out on falling in love with different people, having heartbreaks, splitting up, regrets, is that such a good thing? Life is short, whatever makes us happy, you've found that so enjoy 😉

We didn't grow up in a particularly religious setting. It's interesting how younger relationships occur in religious settings

I don't understand your perspective. Why is it sad if they're happy?

I think it's much more likely people will be raising a mental eyebrow at a 20 year old man and a 16 year old schoolgirl.

How many men you've been with won't even get a thought when they find out the above.

I met DH at 16 and started going out at 18, had a mostly long distance relationship for two years, lived together for a year then another year long distance, married aged 23, three kids, still together and happy 20 years later. We each had one sexual relationship before each other. I certainly feel relieved I didn't do the whole dating thing as it seems mighty stressful. Didn't miss out by changing travel, education plans etc (hence the long distance parts). Had lots of fun with friends with and without him during the party years. Still have a whole social life separate from him.

I wouldn't think anything of it, if you were happy then I'd think 'good for you', if you weren't happy I'd hope you could do something about it. The same way I'd think about someone who had met their partner at 90.

This thread has allowed for some unpleasant comments about women who've had multiple sexual partners though, so well done on that.

Well that's the bit I'd be 😕 at, not you having had one sexual partner. You were still just a kid, he was a grown up. Four years later no one would matter, but the disparity is potentially a lot at that age.

Me too, my (now) DH is 10 years older.

You do you. Personally the years of being single moving to a global city on my own and meeting different men I would not have missed. But staying in your hometown with your met at school boyfriend isn’t “wrong”. Sends shivers down my spine though! And not in a good way.

Exactly the same for me OP. I was 16 when I met my DH and he was 20. Got married when I was 21. I'm 44 now.

When I meet people in this situation, it probably does cross my mind that they might only have been intimate with that one person. @waterlego I'd already lost my virginity by the time I'd met DH.

I agree. Yes I had some fun but when I weigh up that fun against the happiness I saw with my very long married (from teens) relative I’d choose what they had every time. All the angst, the constant socialising (I really didn’t want to be out clubbing or partying but how else did you meet people before social media), the wrong ‘uns’, the supposedly ‘right’ ones (wrong), I have used up so much energy and emotion over the years and for what - the ultimate goal of finding the right person (which didn’t happen anyway). I’m tired of it all. I see friends who married young and are still very happy decades later who didn’t go through all the shite and yes I do feel envious (but not in a bitter way, more wistful). I’m actually embarrassed by all my relationship failures and how badly I chose partners 😬 I’d feel pride in choosing the right partner young.