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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I Hate "Friendship Groups"

177 replies

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 05/05/2023 14:13

Every time I read threads about these on here, I cringe at the thoughts of forced jollity, angst, oneupmanship and competitiveness, falling out, too many people compromising and jealousy and people being forced together who might have zero in common, especially when it involves doing things as groups of couples. Too like Cold Feet. Going on holiday in a "group" horrifies me and it implies "membership" that I hate the idea of. Is there anything positive?

I don't subscribe to friendship groups at all, though I do have a number of friends I do things with at times that could be classed as a group because there are more than two of us at that time, but never closely defined as that. I have:

Three close university friends that I meet together, two local, one not so much, and sometimes a friend of each of them comes out with us, sometimes not.

Another pair of friends (now one of these can be caustic at times) who I met at 19 and who were friends before I came on the scene, we meet for a meal every three or four weeks. There was another woman originally but she drifted away and we only send Christmas cards now

Three other friends I meet regularly for meals and nights out, two lived near me and the other is a friend of one of them. Another friend of another of them sometimes joins us.

Then I have other friends I know individually, and through them I've met other people. I think the only time all of these got together in one place was for my (delayed for Covid) 40th.

None of these have ever involved partners on nights out or holidays, unless it has been a specific event such as a New Year party or a birthday. We would never ever consider ourselves a "friendship group". I consider myself lucky to have escaped all the angst.

The thought of group dynamics has me running screaming for the hills.

OP posts:
Mary46 · 12/05/2023 15:07

We all different. I prefer small groups. Easier to chat to people. We meet as 3 the two girls I worked with. Im not as confident in big groups/hobbies then u have clicks

steampunkwaves · 03/11/2025 15:07

OP I know I'm two years late and idk if you even have this account anymore, but I just wanted to say that I agree with you completely and to not pay these commenters any mind. Personally I'm an outgoing extrovert, but as soon as I say I don't like friend groups, suddenly I'm an introverted, anti social, misanthrope with no friends. And I can see the same accusations being thrown at you here. Those of us who have friends, but aren't part of a tight knit group, tend to be more socially perceptive than people who revolve their entire social lives around that type of dynamic. There's a difference between hanging out in a group setting from time to time, vs being in a tight knit group with unspoken social rules. And in my countless observations and experiences, pretty much all friend groups fall prey to some level of conformity, gossip, exclusion, etc. That's just what naturally happens when you put a group of people together for a long time. It's a fragile ego system that not all of us what to take part in. And I've met plenty of nice people in these groups, but sometimes there's a limit to their genuineness. At least to me. Everyone’s wired differently. Unfortunately when you don't fit in to the mold, people make you out to be the bad guy. I hope you know that you're far be it the only person who feels this way.

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