To think some people sail through life ?

[Cuberubick]

Please don't think that this comes from a place of envy . It's something that puzzles me . The vast majority of us me included have ups and downs and life is not always fair.

But it strikes me that some people live truly wonderful lives, with no great trauma , no health issues or money woes , great kids etc. Think Richard Brandon for example . I'm not knocking him just using him as an example .

Then there are others who seems to go from one crisis to the next , and have tragedy befall them .

Like I have said for the vast majority of us it's bitter sweet .

Is it a case of mindset ? what you think is what you get ? Who knows .

Most of the world live in grinding poverty (not what we call poverty on UC in this country). Get some prospective. We can’t all be billionaires.

I saw during the pandemic people who have had easy lives freaking out because they could not take their child to soft play or go the gym. I did not like lockdown, but you could tell the people who had it easy, they invariably though that what was happening was the worst thing ever.

I used to think similarly but I dont any more. I dont know of a single person who hasnt been touched by death, tragedy, illness, or some awful catastrophic event happening at some point or another. Not a single one.

Yes, I know people who are financially very successful- one was murdered by her husband, one has a drug addiction, others have been through cancer or other illnesses etc etc

I also know people on social media who post very curated pics and stories and if you saw them you'd think they had it all/didnt have a care in the world, but if you knew them you'd be horrified by some of the things they have been though that they dont post online. Noone gets out of this life unscathed. Absolutely noone, and the people I used to think "had it all" when we were in our 20's/30's have since suffered their own personal tragedies and unfortunate events. Its really made me re-think my beliefs on this topic and I admit I was completely wrong. You cannot judge how someone's entire life will pan out based on looking at their life in the present moment, or even how their lives have been in the past. Its a very ignorant and incorrect assumption.

Social media is not real life. I pay zero attention to that as an idea of what someones life is actually like.

@Bittersweetlife I'm sorry to read about your life experiences and I am amazed at your positive outlook. I think that makes you an extraordinary person.

I think I would be angry and bitter and I know those sort of reactions only hurt yourself but I don't think I could help it.

I am genuinely filled with admiration. Your soul must glow with your triumph over your circumstances.

Some of us go through horrendous shit that no one would never know about. Then we get a bit lucky in life and suddenly everyone thinks you don't have the right to ever feel down or depressed or stressed ever again. You have no idea what people go through op.

This.

I lost my dm and it’s been horrendous. But I would say that aside from my family and closest friends and colleagues very few people even know that this has happened. I don’t share my business on social media and have no need to discuss my personal life with those I’m not close to.

Also I don’t dwell and I tend to look on the bright side. Yes it’s extremely sad that I have lost both parents but I’m very fortunate. I was lucky enough to have my mum for 40+ years. I still love my wonderful husband after 20 years. My children and my good friends are worth their weight in gold. I’ve a lovely home and we’re comfortable and don’t have to worry about money. My loss has also allowed me to reassess and make sure that I’m spending precious time with my loved ones while I still can.

My dsibling on the other hand has said several times that this has been far more difficult for them and I’m lucky that I don’t have issue x, issue y or issue z. The truth is that I’m going through exactly the same things, I just don’t feel the need to burden them with it.

You never really know what people are going through. We all suffer but how we deal with things is key.

Does a stable, affluent background and good education make you more likely to succeed in life? Yes
Do rich people have exactly the same personality flaws as everyone else? Also yes
Their children are equally likely to suffer from their parents decisions but they might be cushioned from poverty.

People make a decision every day as to which image of themselves they project to the world. Some people are better at seeing the bigger pictures than others. There are lots of things I could moan about but choose not to. It won’t solve my problems and it’s not helpful. It might also reflect on me for trauma dumping. Having bad things happen definitely made me a stronger, wiser, better person with more self awareness. So if life is a journey- do those sailing through learn the lessons they were put here to learn? Or do they stay unenlightened and in the dark?

Unless you die young, everyone gets ill and their parents die. And either you or your spouse will lose a partner. It is all very hard, and yes my parents have died and my DH has a life limiting illness. But however hard everyone goes through this. It is normal. If this is all you experience then you have had an aesy life.

Children dying, losing several members of your family in a car crash, sexual abuse, getting cancer etc are nothing to do with mindset.
Different people will react differently to them, but many people don't have to face such traumas.

I'd imagine most people at some point in their life will have to face their parents dying but some are fortunate to live to their 50s, 60s or possibly 70s before that happens.

RB was a bad example & I think bad things happen to the majority. However there are certainly people I know who are not as affected by job loss, etc because they have the cushion of wealth & a safety net. I also know some people who have had such tragedy, life is unfair.

Some people undoubtedly have far more fortunate lives than others. That's not to say they have no bad times, but some people do seem to dodge the slings and arrows in a way others dont. I don't know how it can even be questioned really as we aacknowledge that some people are dealt a poor hand in life, so it follows the opposite will be true.
I think maybe some people don't like it as the fortunate tend to prefer to put their luck down to hard work, wise choices etc.

But the whole point is that we don't know what anyone has gone through when we're assuming they're 'sailing through life'. How do you know that the person who appears to be sailing through life hasn't had a murdered relative? How do you know anything about what they have experienced? I don't think that what people are saying is that people can have a terrible trauma and it rolls off their back, rather that our perception of whether others are sailing through life or not is probably less to do with what they have experienced, but more to do with how they are able to deal with it.

Nothing to do with mindset of course. But

Sorry keyboard is acting up today. I meant it's nothing to do with mindset of course whether these things happen to you. But when I had that year of multiple once in a lifetime type traumas all land together in my family, only my close family and friends knew all about it. Others would probably have reckoned I was sailing through life. But they would have been horrified if they really knew what was going on. That's why I think you can't know anything about other people's lives and make comments like that.

@LaMaG @MysteryBelle @HeroOfMyTale

Thank you for your very kind words. I have had a lot of therapy and now spend my days volunteering for the charity MIND in one of their shops and working as a volunteer on an allotment. I have been on MN for 20 years and have received support. There was a great MH support thread on here for a long time years ago and they were brilliant.

@BlurredVision I was talking about close friends. Not about knowing what everyone I have any contact with is going through.

@BlurredVision Although when you are taking time off work for multiple funerals and childrens hospital appointments and treatment, people at work do tend to know.

@Naranjas I don't disagree with your post but OP is comparing her life which from what she's said I presume (and genuinely hope) she's not suffered the loss of a child. And saying someone who had suffered the loss of a child is sailing through life and having a better time than her

This. Of course money allows people more freedom and choices but OP was directly comparing her own life to RB. It doesnt matter how much money you have, anyone who has lost a child is certainly not "sailing through life" and its really insensitive to suggest they are.

OP did not know Richard Branson had lost a child.

Ironically, Richard Brandon is thought to be the executioner of Charles I. A very topical post!

Really bright people (without any MH issues) often sail through life, exams are easy, get to go to a good university and then have a good and well paid job, therefore, able to buy a nice home, attract a great partner and pay for children to have a top education and fab holidays for which they are always grateful...

Totally get where you are coming from..and not only 'rich/wealthy' people. It just always seems that some people get what they want without any effort and others make a huge effort and still don't get what they want/need. I guess you can just say 'that's life'.

Do you think? She surrounded herself with toxicity, and never really seemed happy. Yes she had money, but money does not make you happy. I honestly would rather have my life than hers.