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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Guests

213 replies

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

OP posts:
JoeBlogger · 06/05/2023 18:43

Just say no, it's not convenient to bring the dogs. Did you know they have dogs, I would accept one but two might be pushing it (we have a dog of our own).

ITryHarder · 06/05/2023 18:56

Remind them that you have cats that don't like dogs. Tell them the dog is welcome if they don't mind him staying in the shed, the cellar, the garage, the yard, anywhere that isn't in the house, or you'll help them find a kennel for him.

I once had a B&SIL who were staying at a motel just drop their dog off unannounced at our house so they could go out for breakfast with his mom. Didn't invite us. I said sure. I'll just put him in the garage, which they didn't like. Tough snoogies!! After they left, I let him in, but put him back as soon as I heard their car. People take a lot for granted.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2023 18:58

I'm not sure the OP is going to come back.

JudgeRudy · 06/05/2023 20:07

Have you told them that's OK? If you don't think it is why didn't you tell them?

darksideofthemooncup · 06/05/2023 20:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 06/05/2023 20:38

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

I have a cat, i’d never let guests bring their dogs and have to lock my cat in a room all weekend.

darksideofthemooncup · 06/05/2023 20:43

Just realised I've replied on the wrong thread Biscuit

Brefugee · 06/05/2023 20:44

don't ask about crates: Tell them their dog is not welcome and if they bring it you will send them away without letting them in

knobheeeed · 06/05/2023 21:55

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend

This is what I don't understand. There are so many threads like this "they didn't ask, they just told me". I always want to know what the OP said when they "told her".
If someone "told me" they were bringing the dog I'd say immediately no, sorry, you'll have to make other arrangements as I can't accommodate a dog because of my cats.
And then keep repeating the same thing no matter what they said.

So how do these conversations actually work.
OP's house guest: "We're bringing the dog to yours this weekend."
OP: "Oh ok then"
Or does the OP stand there and say nothing??

Just say no straightaway for heaven's sake.

HappiestSleeping · 06/05/2023 21:59

ChaToilLeam · 05/05/2023 07:36

Tell them to turn round and go back. It’s NOT okay to do this without checking.

This 👆

I have a dog, but wouldn't dream of just bringing him without asking first.

RampantIvy · 06/05/2023 22:23

I don't get it either @knobheeeed.

hot2trotter · 06/05/2023 22:25

Another wet lettuce.
Just. Say. No.

Noodles1234 · 06/05/2023 22:26

Just say no from the off, or asap.

This is bad manners to assume, not everyone likes dogs, or other peoples pets in their own home even if they don’t have cats etc.

Milly89 · 06/05/2023 22:28

Now I'm a dog person, but I would never just say I'm bringing my dog! I definitely wouldn't be putting my cats out either! I'd be saying the dog needs to go into kennels or they need to stay somewhere that is dog friendly!

Merangutan · 06/05/2023 22:32

“Sorry - that doesn’t work with my cats. I wish you’d mentioned it to me. You’ll need to find a dog sitter.”

NO. It’s your home. Their dog is their problem. How dare they invite a dog without asking you, the homeowner, if that’s acceptable? I have two dogs and would never be such a CF. Come on, OP. Stand up for yourself.

gillefc82 · 06/05/2023 22:39

Don’t mention anything about a crate. If a dog hasn’t been properly crate trained, they’ll likely spend all their time crying and kicking off about being in there, as they haven’t been taught to see it and use it as their safe space.

You just need to say that when the plans were made for them to visit, there was no discussion about the dog. As you have your two cats, you aren’t able to have the dog stay at the house, so they can either make arrangements for the dog to stay elsewhere nearby/for it to be left at home with a pet sitter or if they are going to struggle to sort that in time, you’re more than happy to rearrange their visit so they’ll have plenty of time to sort out care plans for the dog.

If you’re feeling particularly kind, you could look into some dog kennels/home boarders local to you, so you could share the recommendations when you tell them they can’t bring the dog to your house.

cheddercherry · 06/05/2023 22:48

I get it’s sometimes hard to say no but it’s totally fine to just send a message saying actually on reflection it’s not going to work for you and it would be irresponsible/ inconvenient for you to have to inflict a dog on your cats. Any normal people would rearrange for a date without the dogs/ leave them with a sitter etc.

It’s your home and your boundaries that need respecting here, if not for yourself for your cats tbh who will be the ones suffering the consequences of silence. I’m actually gobsmacked they didn’t back down/ take the hint when you mentioned the crate?

Pupinski · 07/05/2023 00:27

Depends on the nature of your relationship, their setup, whether you invited then or they invited themselves, etc, but if you feel strongly about it, tell them not us! 😏. I have two dogs and none of my friends would invite me to stay at theirs without an expectation that my dogs would come too...

Nanaof1 · 07/05/2023 03:33

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

You need to tell them no. Not only are they rude to just TELL you they are bringing a dog with them but the "no crate" makes it even a bigger "NO".

Be blunt. If that upsets them, it's on them to assume something that I am betting they knew you would not like. By trying to steamroll you first, they are hoping to get away with it.

Your house, your rules, no exceptions.

Nanaof1 · 07/05/2023 03:35

RampantIvy · 06/05/2023 18:58

I'm not sure the OP is going to come back.

Perhaps it was this weekend they were coming and bringing Fido. She might be busy trying to save her cats from going crazy and wondering why she didn't say "No" before they all landed on her doorstep.

Blondewithredlips · 07/05/2023 03:56

Not fair on your cats. Just refuse to have the dog.

GrannyWeatherwax23 · 07/05/2023 04:02

Nope. They wouldn't be doing this to me.

Codlingmoths · 07/05/2023 04:34

Hi guys, coming back to this if you don’t have a crate you can’t bring your dog in the house. It won’t work with my cats and I won’t do that to them. I know it’s late notice but I didn’t know you were thinking of bringing your dog. Let me know if you are still coming, would be nice to see you!

PonyPals · 07/05/2023 05:05

This is one of those annoying posts.
OP says something that she knows would set everyone off.
Everyone is repeating the same thing whilst the OP comes back to say some vague answer to some unimportant questions.
Sigh

MsRosley · 07/05/2023 05:13

My friend has two 5 month old puppies and asked if she could stay with them.

What the actual fuck is the matter with people?

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