Page 4 | House Guests

Rhondaa · 05/05/2023 08:46

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2023 08:42

they kind of told me, they didn’t ask

So what did you say? Because if it wasn’t along the lines of ‘Right, well I’m sorry but I can’t have the dog to stay, because of my cats’ then you’re a mug.

Honestly people can be so unpleasant. Many people are bossed about by friends and relatives, it doesn't mean they are a 'mug'. They may just lack confidence to speak up for themselves.

If a phone chat is too hard op just message them and say sorry you can't accommodate the dog.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/05/2023 08:47

Who the hell voted YABU??!!!

I've always refused all doggy visitors - it saves bad feeling later - but anyway this is no biggie. Leave the dog outside while they're with you, and if they refuse simply say this isn't working and you'll catch up another time

YouveGotToGrooveIt · 05/05/2023 08:49

By all means, refuse the dogs. In fact, in light of your cats it seems very sensible to.

But don't suggest a crate or tying them up or leaving them in the car - all of which are cruel/dangerous in the wrong circumstances and/or with the wrong dog.

Let them find a solution - even if that solution is simply not to come.

weathervane1 · 05/05/2023 08:49

I'm not sure who I'm more amazed at: you OP for not putting your foot down (I understand it might lead to ill feelings) or your so-called friends who think it's okay to just turn up with a dog. Who does that? How entitled and married to your dog do you have to be? Cheeky fuckers! And the visit will be a disaster anyway as you'll be anxious the whole time and not able to relax. Maybe it's time to re-evaluate this friendship?

Wrongsideofpennines · 05/05/2023 08:51

Tell your guests they can't bring the dog. It's your house, your cat's home and it's your rules. If that means they have to cancel and rearrange then so be it.

Createausername1970 · 05/05/2023 08:58

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 08:13

But dont you think even asking puts people in an awkward position. Some people may just not want pets in their home full stop, they shouldnt really be forced to make some sort of excuse for that. Have a dog, look after it, but dont assume its welcome everywhere all the time. Asking doesnt make it ok, its still an assumption that you would like to bring it.

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You misunderstand me. I agree completely that she shouldn't be put in this position, it's totally unreasonable, entitled and presumptuous on their part.

My understanding was that she doesn't want the dogs, but is trying to find a way to say so without being unfriendly.

My suggestion was to say she can't have the dogs loose in the house because of the cats roaming around, and as they haven't got a crate, what were they planning on doing with the dogs? Leave them in the car? Make them take the decision to leave the dogs at home, if she doesn't want to tell them outright.

houselikeashed · 05/05/2023 08:59

OP - can you ask them how they usually manage the situation with cats? That way you are not saying "no" exactly, but putting the onus back on them to provide a solution to the problem they are creating.
Just say something like, "you know I have cats don't you? How do you usually manage this?"

LadyT27 · 05/05/2023 09:00

Why haven’t you just said no?! Of course it’s completely unreasonable for them not to ask first.

CremeEggQueen · 05/05/2023 09:02

ChaToilLeam · 05/05/2023 07:36

Tell them to turn round and go back. It’s NOT okay to do this without checking.

This.
You wouldn't be coming in

MinnieGirl · 05/05/2023 09:02

It’s your home and your cats home. Your cats don’t like dogs, so dogs don’t come in. End of….
Send them a message that you will not be able to accommodate the dogs in your home as you have cats. Even in a crate, it’s not fair.
It’s really cheeky to tell you they are bring ing their dog. I wouldn’t dream of such CF behaviour. And if they start saying the dogs will be fine, just hold your line. No they won’t, I can’t have them in the house.
You really should have replied straight away when they informed you they were bringing the dogs.
The other way to deal with it is to go down with a bad attack of D&V so you can’t have visitors. Or Covid. Or anything else, and then be ready for the next visit…

Bellaboo01 · 05/05/2023 09:02

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

Who are the guests in relation to you?

If they are close to you then surely you knew they had a dog that would be coming with them.

But, you could just say - "i didn't realise you were bring 'dog'. Unfortunately i have cats who don't like dogs so i wont be able to 'dog' to stay also."

SamShortForSambuca · 05/05/2023 09:05

I'm a dog owner and wouldn't dream of taking my dog to someone's house without asking, and wouldn't take him to a house with cats under any circumstances

NotSorry · 05/05/2023 09:05

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 07:41

It's disappointing that 12% of voters think it is OK to assume that it is OK to take a dog to someone else's house without asking first.

Some people have no manners.

I agree with you - but I voted YABU because the OP hasn't told them "no" not because I think it's OK

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 05/05/2023 09:06

“Sorry, the dogs can’t come. You didn’t ask me or I could have told you my cats are not dog-friendly and you could have made other arrangements. Will you be able to sort a Dogsitter or shall we rearrange?”

Protect your home and protect your cats. And I say that as someone with three dogs who wouldn’t dream of turning up with them to other people’s homes.

Swishhh · 05/05/2023 09:07

I wouldn’t get into a crate debate either as I bet they’ll borrow one.
You need a firm no, we have cats who don’t like dogs and that’s it.
Why do people struggle so much with being assertive?

CabernetSauvignon · 05/05/2023 09:07

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

Tell them in that case they need to book a hotel or B&B.

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2023 09:10

houselikeashed · 05/05/2023 08:59

OP - can you ask them how they usually manage the situation with cats? That way you are not saying "no" exactly, but putting the onus back on them to provide a solution to the problem they are creating.
Just say something like, "you know I have cats don't you? How do you usually manage this?"

It’s much, much easier to say no.

notaswearwolf · 05/05/2023 09:12

You need to say no - I'm an annoyingly people pleasing person but even I would for this.

BlokeHereInPeace · 05/05/2023 09:13

The only thing worse than dogs is entitled dog owners.

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2023 09:14

Rhondaa · 05/05/2023 08:46

Honestly people can be so unpleasant. Many people are bossed about by friends and relatives, it doesn't mean they are a 'mug'. They may just lack confidence to speak up for themselves.

If a phone chat is too hard op just message them and say sorry you can't accommodate the dog.

Show quote history

OK, then I’ll rephrase.

So what did you say? Because if it wasn’t along the lines of ‘Right, well I’m sorry but I can’t have the dog to stay, because of my cats’ then you’re but being assertive enough. It’s OK to say no in these circumstances, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s OK to have a boundary in your own home. And as you have cats that are scared of dogs it’s actually your responsibility to put them first.

And you can text the same thing if saying it on the phone is too hard.

ShimmeringShirts · 05/05/2023 09:20

Not that hard to say “no you can’t bring the dog”. Nothing wrong with saying that either. This is your home, your cats home, you are a person and you do not need to accept being walked over.

HomeTheatreSystem · 05/05/2023 09:22

YANBU. They should have asked if it was OK. Are they usually this presumptuous?

billy1966 · 05/05/2023 09:26

Don't be a mug.

So rude.

So disrespectful.

Why would you allow such disrespectful people enter your home.

Cancel.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/05/2023 09:27

Tell them to make other arrangements for their dog - but don’t be surprised if they turn up with it anyway!

We had a couple coming to stay for the night in our house in France who had taken their dog on holiday with them, we agreed that it would stay in the barn attached to the house overnight. Our neighbours ‘ dogs loved the barn, btw, it was huge and full of interesting smells. I don’t much like dogs, and this one was quite large and not especially friendly (I knew it quite well from their house in UK ).

Of course, when we had all had dinner and were going to bed, I heard a terrific racket coming from their room , barking ( dog) and shrieking ( female owner). It transpired that she had snuck out to the barn while we were cooking and taken the dog upstairs to sleep in their room. When they went in, the dog was disturbed, I suppose disoriented by so much travelling, and attacked her.

I was just glad I hadn’t gone into the room to check that they had everything they needed….

LookItsMeAgain · 05/05/2023 09:27

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 08:45

The message from LookItsMeAgain is great - I can't think of anything better.

I disagree. The implication is that they can bring their dog if they have a crate. The best answer is no dog at all.

Yes, you frequently have cat owners letting their cats jump up at you with muddy paws when you are going about minding your own business

Most cats don't jump up on people. When we had cats I used to shut them away or outside in nice weather if we had guests who didn't like cats.

Come on @TheSlowRush. Put your big girl pants on and tell them they can't bring the dog.

Then adjust the message.

Here's an updated message to take into account @RampantIvy's point that if they had a crate they'd be welcome.

"Hi Anne and Ben, I believe you're thinking of bringing Rex with you this weekend. I'm really sorry to say that we'll have to reschedule this weekend for another time. I can't have Fluffy and Moggy distressed by another animal coming in to the house. Sorry for the short notice but it's just not going to be possible to host you. I'll be in touch to reschedule the weekend. All the best, TheSlowRush"

All it took was removing the few words relating to them not having a crate for Rex. Also, the updated suggestion makes it clear (I hope) that Rex wouldn't be welcome...ever.