House Guests

[TheSlowRush]

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

Yes, you frequently have cat owners letting their cats jump up at you with muddy paws when you are going about minding your own business, cat owners often leave their cats sitting outside barking and howling at 10pm.

@milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard Some cats display antisocial behaviours, why not list them? Is it because the difference in how some dogs behave vs how some cats behave are irrelevant, the poster was quite clearly responding to the previous comment about dog owners thinking they have some sort of monopoly on certain situations. And she's right, some people are arseholes, regardless of what pet they own.

Why aren't you just saying no? Am assuming as you live alone that you are an adult?

Just say no, why wouldn’t you? Do you normally have problems asserting your wishes in your own home/with friends/at work?

Please tell they can't come.

It's incredibly rude of anyone to impose like this and tell you what to do in your own home. If you accept them with their dog this time, they will never change their behaviour and you/your cats will have a thoroughly miserable weekend.

You can still be polite. "I'm looking forward to seeing you, but I cannot accommodate your dog, so I hope you can make arrangements for its care while you're away. If not, we will need to postpone this weekend."

And don't get into any scenarios where they say it can stay in the car or 'just in one room'. Because this won't be sustainable and they will push and push. "Oh Fido is crying"... etc etc.

Be strong for your kits! 😻

Good god no! That’s outrageously rude of them. They told ‘told’ you… so you just ‘tell’ them back.

‘Dear cf dog friends, I have to cancel ours plans this weekend. Please let me know when you want to reschedule for another weekend that you can book the dog into kennels. Love (ish) OP’

no grovelling apologising from your end, no grey areas they can weedle you into changing you mr mind about. Be firm be polite but stand up for yourself, your home and your boundaries.

send them the text, then follow up with a phone call half an hour later if they don’t reply… conversation should go like this… ‘just calling to see if you got my message? Then read it out word for word, if they try to guilt you just keep repeating, ‘l’m cancelling our plans, the dog wasn’t ever discussed and it really doesn’t work for me’ if they get pissy just say that they changed the plans by announcing the dog was staying without your agreement and you would have told them you couldn’t accommodate them with the dog in tow if they had had enough consideration to ask.

Well if the just "kind of told you" that the dog is coming, then you can "kind of tell them" that they can't bring the dog, you have cats that are not dog-friendly. They are CFs.

Grow a backbone instead of announcing on mn what a doormat you are and how unhappy this makes you.

Why don't you just say 'listen I've been thinking about it and I'm really worried the cats won't cope with the dog. So please either leave him/her elsewhere or let's reschedule for another time.'

These sorts of threads are a bit baffling. Why can 't you just say "my cats can't tolerate dogs at all so you you will need to make other arrangements for them".

It's not confrontational at all. Why on earth would you banish your own pets in order to accommodate someone elses?

I think it depends who these people are unto you. If someone invites me round to a party then I wouldn’t assume I could take my dog. If one of my family members invites me round they always assume dogs are coming (and would be disappointed if I didn’t bring them).
the assumption on whether they can bring their dogs depends entirely on your relationship with them.

Find your backbone and tell them no, no dogs allowed. It's your cats home, don't put them through the stress.

If any animal has to be exiled it should be the dog, let it live in their car or somewhere. Hopefully your cats will scare it when it's out.

I would say no - my sister's dog is banned from my house as it is my cat's house. I wouldn't be visiting with my cat so why visit with your dog?

say no.
I am very allergic and a relative tried to do the same to us.
we had to decline their staying at ours. they were very pissed (long drive and expensive area for hotels).
but dog staying with us was just not an option.

No, sorry that doesn’t work for our household”.

Please, please just tell them no!

Blimey. Calm down with the begging.

Who TF does this? Almost all our friends have dogs who know each other and get on well and I'd still ask before we brought her round to someone else's house, even if it was just for drink. Most of the time we leave her home as even doggy houses have rules.

Any update OP?

Some posters like to give black and white bullet point instructions to an OP, calling them names if they don’t comply with their list, but I do not believe for one second that these posters are this direct and robust in real life, they just live that life online as it makes them feel better.

If they were actually like that, they wouldn’t be fannying about on Mumsnet every day…

I have a dog, very very well behaved and gets on with all other animals, including cats, but I would always ask before I took him to someone's house. Same with a young child, everyone has different standards and not everyone wants them around. I would also expect another dog owner to ask me if they could bring their dog to mine, even though I have one myself.

Or have a sudden bout of d&v, cancel weekend as you are unwell and say you will rearrange. Next time, you will be prepared to say no dogs at the outset.

As much as I despair at guests who behave like this, equally I despair at hosts who won't stand up for themselves. Recently I deployed the "that doesn't work for us" line (thank you MN!) and it worked a treat!

So why did you take the dog then? Really rude to be having dinner with a dog on a lead around the table while eating imo

This!