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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House Guests

213 replies

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

OP posts:

gelatogina · 05/05/2023 08:22

Seriously why haven’t you just said no? What’s the matter with you?

daisymoonlight · 05/05/2023 08:23

Absolutely not. Its your cats home. Why do dog owners think they have some sort of monopoly with their choice of pet to inflict them on everyone else

This is a little unfair. I have a dog and wouldnt dream of being this rude. Some people are just arseholes - and that includes cat owners too.

BeerBot · 05/05/2023 08:23

I have 2 cats and we don't allow dogs. We just tell people up front, sorry no dogs as will upset cats too much in their own territory.
I tell people dog is welcome to stay in their car on drive but not anywhere else. If people are pet owners they should get the fact it's your cats home and respect that

ttacticall · 05/05/2023 08:23

You are being unreasonable for not putting your cats first.
These people have no manners or decency. I'd put the whole visit off, not just the dog.

ThePensivePig · 05/05/2023 08:24

houseselling · 05/05/2023 08:14

Stop them right now.

Just call or message and say that after some thought it's not going to work having their dog in your home for the stay. They are more than welcome to still come without the dog but you understand if they can no longer make it.

Spot on and please don't tolerate any 'but our dog is cat friendly' nonsense. I love dogs, but it's not fair of your guests to impose them on you or your cats.

LookItsMeAgain · 05/05/2023 08:26

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

Send them a quick message

"Hi Anne and Ben, I believe you're thinking of bringing Rex with you this weekend but as you don't have a crate for Rex, I'm really sorry to say that we'll have to reschedule this weekend for another time. I can't have Fluffy and Moggy distressed by another animal coming in to the house. Sorry for the short notice but it's just not going to be possible to host you. I'll be in touch to reschedule the weekend. All the best, TheSlowRush"

(names are clearly made up)

Snugglemonkey · 05/05/2023 08:28

I love dogs, but I do not want someone else's in my house at all. I don't know how it would be around my children or my pets, so the members of this household come first. I would definitely say no.

FlamingoQueen · 05/05/2023 08:28

I have a dog, but would never just turn up with him unless someone explicitly tells me I can bring him. I think you have to ring/ text and say that you did not think they would bring the dog because of your cats and it just won’t work with the dog there. Your cats have to be your priority.

BeerBot · 05/05/2023 08:31

Hi Guests
"Sorry but I'm afraid Rover can't come in the house as he'll upset Mogs and Mags too much in their own territory. Have you got somewhere you can leave her? "

BookWorm45 · 05/05/2023 08:31

The message from LookItsMeAgain is great - I can't think of anything better. Hope that helps you OP, and remember you are doing this for you and for your cats.
Distressed cats (with a strange dog) can run off - hide / get lost; or can also react with vomit / diarrhoea / refusing to eat or eating too fast as nervous. Not good for them.

OrangeBlossomTime · 05/05/2023 08:32

Just say:

oh no! You can't bring your dog because of my cats.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 05/05/2023 08:33

I would ask them to pick up a crate for the dog on the way to see you. It's not like there aren't pet supply stores all over the place.

Either that or they check into a dog friendly B and B or hotel and the dog stays in the garden while your cats are in the house and on a lead when in the house.

Bitteraftertaste · 05/05/2023 08:35

How are you friends with these people?

I would just say the dog can’t come and if they can’t get a sitter the visit is cancelled and can be rearranged when they have a sitter for their dog.

It leaves an opening and at that point you find out how much they value the friendship.

I also have a cat who is terrified of dogs.

Delatron · 05/05/2023 08:35

I wouldn’t bother with trying to get them to bring a crate if the dogs not used to it it won’t go in and they’ll let it out etc. it can’t be crated the whole time.

Just write the message above.

anonacfr · 05/05/2023 08:37

Friend's FIL is the family tyrant. He brings his dog wherever he goes, doesn't even think he needs to ask.

Dog is sweet but runs around everywhere, lies on baby mats etc

Half the family is allergic but they're too scared to say anything.

CheeseLouisePlease · 05/05/2023 08:39

Nope. We had a disagreement with DHs friends who thought they could turn up with 2 large bouncy dogs ‘it’s fine, they can run around your garden’ no they bloody won’t.
One of our cats is very sensitive, it would have a massive effect on him. They were pissed off about it and didn’t come.
I think this idea that everywhere is dog friendly also includes other peoples homes for some reason.

femfemlicious · 05/05/2023 08:39

I guess @TheSlowRush is just going to let them bring the dogs because she finds it hard to say no...that's a shame 😥

Guineasrule · 05/05/2023 08:39

Say no to the dog (your house, your rules) or it has to stay tied up outside (assuming you have a garden etc) or in the car etc.

It is far from Ok to bring your pet into someone else's home without asking.

user1492757084 · 05/05/2023 08:40

Be very clear and firm before they arrive and state that the dog will not be allowed to be out of the car. That you would never risk the comfort of your cats.
That they are welcome to take Doggie for walks around the neighbourhood. Otherwise, they will need to stay elsewhere.

Are they close family?
Do you stay with them?
Did the call come out of the blue?
It sounds like they don't know you well if they do not know your living arrangements.
You are the only one who can set them straight.

CraftyIrishMamma · 05/05/2023 08:40

Woah, you can’t allow these people to dictate to you.

You need to ring and tell them very firmly that the dogs are not welcome and they will have to find alternative arrangements for them otherwise the visit is cancelled.

Do not under any circumstances allow them to ignore your wishes. Your cats will likely be traumatised by these dogs visiting and that’s not acceptable.

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 08:40

daisymoonlight · 05/05/2023 08:23

Absolutely not. Its your cats home. Why do dog owners think they have some sort of monopoly with their choice of pet to inflict them on everyone else

This is a little unfair. I have a dog and wouldnt dream of being this rude. Some people are just arseholes - and that includes cat owners too.

Yes, you frequently have cat owners letting their cats jump up at you with muddy paws when you are going about minding your own business, cat owners often leave their cats sitting outside barking and howling at 10pm.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 05/05/2023 08:41

Who's coming

Just say nope

NoSquirrels · 05/05/2023 08:42

they kind of told me, they didn’t ask

So what did you say? Because if it wasn’t along the lines of ‘Right, well I’m sorry but I can’t have the dog to stay, because of my cats’ then you’re a mug.

lovemelongtime · 05/05/2023 08:43

It's really not difficult, just say you'd love to see them but they will definitely not be able to bring the dogs, sorry.
Be clear and set the boundaries

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 08:45

The message from LookItsMeAgain is great - I can't think of anything better.

I disagree. The implication is that they can bring their dog if they have a crate. The best answer is no dog at all.

Yes, you frequently have cat owners letting their cats jump up at you with muddy paws when you are going about minding your own business

Most cats don't jump up on people. When we had cats I used to shut them away or outside in nice weather if we had guests who didn't like cats.

Come on @TheSlowRush. Put your big girl pants on and tell them they can't bring the dog.

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