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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Guests

213 replies

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 05/05/2023 08:00

It’s your home, just tell them. I don’t understand why you aren’t?!

Dashel · 05/05/2023 08:02

No way would I inflict a strange dog on my cat for the weekend. If you can’t be assertive for yourself be assertive for the cats

ttcat37 · 05/05/2023 08:02

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

“Oh, sorry but you won’t be able to bring the dog then.”

Just say no. No chance I’d let my animals get exiled for a visitor’s uninvited pet.

LightDrizzle · 05/05/2023 08:03

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 07:41

It's disappointing that 12% of voters think it is OK to assume that it is OK to take a dog to someone else's house without asking first.

Some people have no manners.

I wonder if any of them voted YABU because she appears to have just rolled over and accepted it though?

@TheSlowRush - you should have immediately pointed out that they hadn’t mentioned bringing the dog and that it wouldn’t work. Sorry.

When were these arrangements made? How long have you known the dog was included? If it’s a while then you are in the wrong for not saying something sooner but if you’ve only just found out then take a deep breath and phone them to tell them it won’t work. Your cats will be terrified and it’s their home.

Createausername1970 · 05/05/2023 08:03

I have a dog. I wouldn't dream of taking her to someone else's home without asking. It's rude.

Just ask them what they are planning to do with the dogs if they don't have a crate, as obviously they can't be loose in YOUR house because of YOUR pets.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/05/2023 08:03

YABU for just letting this happen 🙄m

Just say no.

PinkyFlamingo · 05/05/2023 08:03

Have you got a problem saying no then? Its your home, don't be so ridiculous.

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 05/05/2023 08:03

When we took our dog (having asked if it was ok) to a friends house who has cats, we kept our dog on the lead the whole time (watching tv, eating dinner, in the garden etc).
It was stressful and pretty shit for us, but I don't believe in animals being uprooted and disturbed in their own home.

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 08:04

icelollycraving · 05/05/2023 08:00

It’s your home, just tell them. I don’t understand why you aren’t?!

This ^^

Is this yet another mumsnet thread where the OP martyrs themselves because they are unable to say no?

Just tell them they can't bring the dog, and if it means they can't come then so be it. They are bothered about upsetting you, so you shouldn't be bothered about standing up for yourself.

There is no need to be rude of confrontational, just be politely assertive and say that the dog can't come and it is non negotiable. End of.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 05/05/2023 08:04

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 07:41

It's disappointing that 12% of voters think it is OK to assume that it is OK to take a dog to someone else's house without asking first.

Some people have no manners.

They might have voted YABU in terms of - YABU to not have said ‘no’ already

MeetMyCat · 05/05/2023 08:05

It’s a NO from me

Cabbageandrice · 05/05/2023 08:06

Wow! You understanding bunch. Hi op, sorry you find it difficult to say ‘no’. There’s nothing wrong with telling them you can’t accommodate their dog. As you can see from the post, most people seem to think it’s fine to not want the dog in your place. Hope you find the courage to tell your visitors.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 05/05/2023 08:07

I have 2 cats.

No way would a dog be allowed into their home.

You need to tell your houseguests to leave the dog with a sitter or find alternative accommodation.

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 08:11

Absolutely not. Its your cats home. Why do dog owners think they have some sort of monopoly with their choice of pet to inflict them on everyone else. My SIL does this, one Christmas I tolerated her clumsy dog getting under our legs whilst we were serving lunch, knocking drinks off tables etc, the next year she was told that he wasnt welcome. Que the whole "oh we wont be able to stay long then"... Cool, even better, win win.

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 08:13

Createausername1970 · 05/05/2023 08:03

I have a dog. I wouldn't dream of taking her to someone else's home without asking. It's rude.

Just ask them what they are planning to do with the dogs if they don't have a crate, as obviously they can't be loose in YOUR house because of YOUR pets.

But dont you think even asking puts people in an awkward position. Some people may just not want pets in their home full stop, they shouldnt really be forced to make some sort of excuse for that. Have a dog, look after it, but dont assume its welcome everywhere all the time. Asking doesnt make it ok, its still an assumption that you would like to bring it.

houseselling · 05/05/2023 08:14

Stop them right now.

Just call or message and say that after some thought it's not going to work having their dog in your home for the stay. They are more than welcome to still come without the dog but you understand if they can no longer make it.

moose62 · 05/05/2023 08:14

I have two cats and a dog but would not allow another dog in the house. Just tell them no....sorry if that upsets them. If you cant say no then lock the cats up in your bedroom with food, water and a litter tray. Yes, they will be upset but they will be safe.
And be prepared for a dog to pee in your house because of the smell of your cats!

Roselilly36 · 05/05/2023 08:16

How rude of them. Say that your cats won’t tolerate a dog in the house, they are still welcome, but they can’t bring the dog.

Quitelikeacatslife · 05/05/2023 08:18

I have a cat and I allow my sisters dog on special family occasions when there is no one else to see to her and it's going to be a long time (like Christmas) but she keeps her close and we can shut the kitchen off where the cats food and cat flap is. But it is not overnight, I wouldn't do that to my cat

TheKobayashiMaru · 05/05/2023 08:18

I voted YABU as you can stop this. You can say no to the visit.

BMW6 · 05/05/2023 08:20

But this is an easy fix surely?

"Sorry but you can't bring your dog into my house"

If that means they won't come at all, so what?

My sister has cats. I have a dog. I would never in a million years think of taking him into her home, crate or no crate.

Delatron · 05/05/2023 08:20

They don’t get to tell you! Who are these people?

Call them now - say ‘you can’t bring the dog for reasons I’ve said so we’ll either cancel the trip or you come without the dog’. If they persist in telling you they will bring the dog. Say
’We’ll cancel the visit then, see you a another time when you can sort out care for your dog’.

Be clear and firm.

Swishhh · 05/05/2023 08:21

Dear friend, your dog can’t stay in the house.

daisymoonlight · 05/05/2023 08:21

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

YABU here. Noone can just TELL YOU what theyre going to do in YOUR house. Why dont you just tell them no? you are acting like you have no agency over your own life. Tell them no. They wont die as a result. If they throw a tantrum then let them, the world wont end.

Passmethewine23 · 05/05/2023 08:22

icelollycraving · 05/05/2023 08:00

It’s your home, just tell them. I don’t understand why you aren’t?!

This 10x over!

just tell them they aren’t welcome if they bring the dogs! Simple as that!

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