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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

House Guests

213 replies

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 05/05/2023 11:18

I'd have cancelled their weekend. You still could.

Or, contact local animal shelter and ask if you can rent a crate for the weekend. Keep dog in crate in their bedroom.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 05/05/2023 11:20

OP, you are being a mug.

When my oldest friend said to her dog in front of me "when we go to x for the weekend, you're going to stay with Auntie Terf and she will look after you"
I replied to the dog "oh no you're not, because Auntie Terf's cats will eat you alive".
We both knew that was another way of saying "fuck off, I'm not looking after your dog you CF".

Tell them now, before they set off.

HousingAdviceNeeded · 05/05/2023 11:21

I would definitely say they couldn't bring the dog with them. They are completely unreasonable, OP.

Eggseggseverywhere · 05/05/2023 11:23

Borrow or buy a baby gate and keep the ddog in the kitchen or utility room.. Tell them this is the plan. If they don't agree just cancel...

ItsNotWhatItsNot · 05/05/2023 11:31

Yet another thread easily solved by simply saying ‘no.’ When they told you they’re bringing their pet, you laugh and tell them ‘no thanks.’ Obviously.

littlefireseverywhere · 05/05/2023 11:35

You need to go back to them and say your their dog can't stay due to your cats. They are the ones with the issue, not you.

Enncee · 05/05/2023 11:42

Your reason for not saying no seems to be that they didn't ask. That's even worse - if they're telling you what will happen in your own home, you tell them no!
For some reason I still can't fathom, my mum used to do similar. We had a dog who was great with people, would attack other dogs (she was an older rescue, maybe lack of socialisation from previous owner). My mum absolutely delighted in saying she'd invited dog owners to stay with us with their dogs (bearing in my mind DP and I are adults with our own house), as well as friends of hers we literally did not know from Adam. We nipped it in the bud with blunt responses and it quickly stopped.

"I've told your cousin to bring her dogs to your house and that her and dog are welcome to stay with you whenever they like!"

"Oops, well you know our dog will attack hers, and it's our house to invite people, so that can't happen. Please do let her know she's absolutely fine to arrange a visit directly with us, without the dog, if it suits everyone, when you call her back to explain."

Just something like that, it's not rude to stand up to people who dictate to you, especially if, as in my case, it's done to prove a point or try to wind you up. My mum has a history of controlling and deliberately provocative behaviour though, so maybe a little gentler if these people are otherwise fine!

dudsville · 05/05/2023 11:52

Of course it's unreasonable, but it's your home, you're the one primarily responsible for knowing this and doing someting about it.

RedToothBrush · 05/05/2023 11:53

There's a thread on cultural norms in the UK and how Brits don't say what they mean cos they are so bloody desperate not to be rude.

This thread reminds me of how insane that is and how we need to get over ourselves and just say 'this is not ok' sometimes.

RisingSunn · 05/05/2023 11:54

”Looking forward to seeing you but I will not be able to accommodate your dog”.

lovescats3 · 05/05/2023 11:56

It's a hard no your home and your cats take precedence

Myfavouritecolourisanimalprint · 05/05/2023 12:06

Your poor cats. OP, please tell us that you have nipped this cheeky fuckery in the bud. No way would anyone be getting through my door with a dog, it's my cats' home and they always take priority, especially as one is terrified of his own shadow

raincamepouringdown · 05/05/2023 12:07

Ask them where the dog will be staying during their visit because it won't be allowed it your house/garden.

Stand up for yourself, ffs!

Flossyhair · 05/05/2023 12:10

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

I'm sorry but anyone that told me what I had to allow in to my home would be told that they are not welcome.

Because they don't respect you and why on earth would you allow that?

Stand up for yourself and tell them no. It's not fair on your cats.

ashitghost · 05/05/2023 12:11

They wouldn’t be getting past my front door.

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 05/05/2023 12:12

Throwncrumbs · 05/05/2023 11:16

So why did you take the dog then? Really rude to be having dinner with a dog on a lead around the table while eating imo

Erm, because we live 2 hours away and were staying for the weekend, and she'd sort of...die...if we didn't.

Thesharkradar · 05/05/2023 12:14

lovescats3 · 05/05/2023 11:56

It's a hard no your home and your cats take precedence

This!

PinkCast · 05/05/2023 12:18

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 05/05/2023 12:12

Erm, because we live 2 hours away and were staying for the weekend, and she'd sort of...die...if we didn't.

She wouldn't die, you should have put her in kennels / with a dog sitter if you were going away for the weekend.
It was very selfish of you to put your friend in that situation.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 05/05/2023 12:19

@2bazookas as a dog owner I’d say this is totally out of order, would never dream of asking hosts to indulge me like this. Say no.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 05/05/2023 12:19

Another YABU vote because you didn't immediately go "No no no no... you can't bring Rex"

If you can't say it seriously then pantomime it... oh no you can't. He's coming with us... oh no he isn't.

Do it on behalf of your overlords.... that's what they purr for so you keep the dogs away.

happypoobum · 05/05/2023 12:22

Mate! Where’s your backbone?

Nobody gets to tell you they’re bringing a dog to your house. I’m a massive dog lover but they are completely out of order.

Message them saying they can’t stay with the dog. Tbh I would be saying they can’t stay at all.

thecatsmeows · 05/05/2023 12:23

"You can't bring the dog, I don't allow them in my house"...that's all you need to say. I wouldn't even mention the cats. I hate dogs, a friend of mine got a puppy 6 months ago and I basically have to keep saying 'I hate dogs, you've known this for 20 years' every time he tries to get me to meet the fucking thing. Seems many dogs owners are deaf as well as dumb.

daisymoonlight · 05/05/2023 12:27

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 08:40

Yes, you frequently have cat owners letting their cats jump up at you with muddy paws when you are going about minding your own business, cat owners often leave their cats sitting outside barking and howling at 10pm.

My neighbours cats regularly shit in our front garden where our kids play because they can’t be arsed to get a litter tray for them so yes, sorry to burst your bubble but cat owners can be dicks too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Monster80 · 05/05/2023 12:29

So tricky. It’s like saying someone’s kid can’t come. Dogs can’t be left alone so would need boarding for the weekend. I’m a cat owner, btw so totally with you re: exile.

shammalammadingdong · 05/05/2023 12:29

RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 07:41

It's disappointing that 12% of voters think it is OK to assume that it is OK to take a dog to someone else's house without asking first.

Some people have no manners.

I imagine they say that OP is BU because she is not doing anything about it.

If people say they are coming to visit you and bringing their dog, and you don't want them to, its easily fixed by simply saying NO to them.

I have little sympathy for people complaining on here about something they could fix but have chosen not to.

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