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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House Guests

213 replies

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:33

Coming this weekend.

Bringing their dog, didn’t ask just told me and I have cats (which they are well aware of) who hate dogs who will basically be exiled for the weekend,

They don’t have a crate.

AIBU to think you ask if it’s ok you don’t just assume.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 05/05/2023 12:36

There's a thread on cultural norms in the UK and how Brits don't say what they mean cos they are so bloody desperate not to be rude.
This thread reminds me of how insane that is and how we need to get over ourselves and just say 'this is not ok' sometimes.

I agree. Then you get loads of threads on MN from posters who have been walked over because they are unable to say no.

I am finding heartening to read that all the dog owners on this thread are sensible and considerate, and appreciate that you can't just turn up at someone's house with your dog.

Ktime · 05/05/2023 12:37

Why are you acting as if you have no agency here, OP? They can't dictate to you. Your house, your rules.

Cosycover · 05/05/2023 12:39

I really don't understand why you asked about a crate?

Honestly why post? This is all on you. You have a mouth.

Fanlover1122 · 05/05/2023 12:44

As a dog owner and dog lover I would never do that!!!! Totally unacceptable and entitled behaviour.

milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard · 05/05/2023 12:52

daisymoonlight · 05/05/2023 12:27

My neighbours cats regularly shit in our front garden where our kids play because they can’t be arsed to get a litter tray for them so yes, sorry to burst your bubble but cat owners can be dicks too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Cat owners are meant to follow their cats the breadth and width of the neighbourhood to check for erroneous poo? And you are quite sure its not a fox or other wild animal are you? Animals defecate, I mentioned not about the dog shit littering the village because I knew someone would have a whinge about their gardens. Weak attack. Try again.

readbooksdrinktea · 05/05/2023 13:00

YABU for not saying no.

readbooksdrinktea · 05/05/2023 13:03

There's a thread on cultural norms in the UK and how Brits don't say what they mean cos they are so bloody desperate not to be rude.
This thread reminds me of how insane that is and how we need to get over ourselves and just say 'this is not ok' sometimes.

First thing I thought of seeing this. Tell them it's not possible, OP. It's your house.

PatAndMat · 05/05/2023 13:05

They ‘kind of told you’
So you can kind of tell them.
Its your house
Just tell them you can’t accommodate the dog. If you want to compromise then they need to buy a crate and keep the dog in that.

Indoorcatmum · 05/05/2023 13:07

My cats are my priority and I've told several people including family that their dogs are not welcome.

I find it's best to be clear and no nonsense when delivering the news and that leaves no room for argument (although my family never argue and understood completely as it's a reasonable thing to say).

MeanderingOnTheNorfolkBroads · 05/05/2023 13:07

PinkCast · 05/05/2023 12:18

She wouldn't die, you should have put her in kennels / with a dog sitter if you were going away for the weekend.
It was very selfish of you to put your friend in that situation.

Show quote history

Haha, thanks for the info!

greenacrylicpaint · 05/05/2023 13:10

Monster80 · 05/05/2023 12:29

So tricky. It’s like saying someone’s kid can’t come. Dogs can’t be left alone so would need boarding for the weekend. I’m a cat owner, btw so totally with you re: exile.

A DOG IS NOT A CHILD

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 05/05/2023 13:12

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

How does that answer the question people have been asking as to why you don’t just say no? Are you saying you can only say no if you have a partner?

Jumbojade · 05/05/2023 13:14

TheSlowRush · 05/05/2023 07:58

I have asked about a crate and said the cats aren’t dog friendly, they kind of told me, they didn’t ask and I don’t have a partner.

You are an adult, you don’t need a partner to say No. You are being very, very unfair on your cats!

Peridot1 · 05/05/2023 13:14

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 05/05/2023 13:12

How does that answer the question people have been asking as to why you don’t just say no? Are you saying you can only say no if you have a partner?

Show quote history

A few people asked if the OP had a partner.

Jumbojade · 05/05/2023 13:28

OP, why have you left it till today, to complain about this?

I presume they did give you some notice about coming, yet you have left it till now, when they may already be on their way to you!

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/05/2023 13:28

'Oh dear , that's a pity. If you can't get your dog into kennels for this visit, we'd better rearrange for you to come another time. I simply CANNOT have a dog under my roof.'

it's your home. You don't want the dog there. You're allowed to say no!

mycoffeecup · 05/05/2023 13:46

Do you have issues with confidence?

'Hi friend, sorry you won't be able to bring (dog), let me know if you're still able to come or we'll need to reschedule so you've got time to arrange someone to look after (dog)'

I don't understand why you didn't say that straightaway?

BMW6 · 05/05/2023 13:53

Arrrgh it drives me crazy that some people are so bloody feeble like the OP is!

Monster80 · 05/05/2023 15:49

@greenacrylicpaint surely that depends on if they have actual children? It’s fairly common for childfree folks to have a surrogate dog baby. I mean there are certain children I’d like to ban from my house, because they too are filthy and spread mess, I don’t say this or enforce a ban for fear of offending parents (dog and child ones).

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/05/2023 22:29

Eggseggseverywhere · Today 11:23
Borrow or buy a baby gate and keep the ddog in the kitchen or utility room.. Tell them this is the plan. If they don't agree just cancel..”

Er, no. That means the cats who live there can’t go into the kitchen for the weekend.

Eggseggseverywhere · 05/05/2023 22:42

Op is seen to be making the effort to accommodate the cfers. Doubtful they will agree so dcats won't be locked out. Shove a bowl of food in a different room and I doubt they will care anywhere though!

Snkt · 05/05/2023 23:55

This is very rude. I have a dog and I still expect friends with dogs to let me know if they are coming. My dog doesn’t shed. I can’t bare the shedding so I’ve made it kind of clear no shedding dogs in this house haha

MarkWithaC · 06/05/2023 17:52

Say they can't stay and explain clearly why.

Sillymousse · 06/05/2023 17:53

I have a dog and either ask or assume they are not welcome.
People who don't have dogs rarely want dogs in their house - even well behaved ones!

itsjustju · 06/05/2023 18:29

its your home and your rules..to not check they could bring their dog beforehand is just rude..even if you didn't have pets of your own doesn't mean that anything goes, put your foot down and refuse them the warm welcome they clearly expected.

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