To think most women do all of the self care beauty routines I do.

[summerfinn]

Had this conversation with a friend today that seems to think I'm high maintenance. I get my nails done every month and eyebrows and a facial. I also fake tan once a week. Botox every 6 months and get my lips slightly fillled twice a year ( I have naturally thin lips)

I was under the impression most women do these things if you care about your appearance. AIBU to think this ?

How do you even afford all of that!?
I would love a tiny bit of Botox or a facial but no money for it, I do my own gel nails on occasion and I have a skincare routine and wear a little it of make up but that’s it.
My hair hasn’t even been cut in two years because I can’t afford it, I can only hope that I will age gracefully!

I honestly don’t know anyone who does this. I get my nails done once a month and hair cut once every 3-4 months. I moisturise everywhere daily and wear minimal make up, that’s about as far as my ‘self care’ routine goes. Never had a fake tan, have no desire to and definitely no Botox.

But that’s a specific technique of filler. Not all lip filler is done like that. See? Once again, people think they know all about something when what you have seen is obvious Russian lip technique filler and concluded that all filler looks obvious. Added to this, some people actually have natural lips that flip up at the vermillion border. That’s what it’s called. You’ve probably been seeing them and assuming it’s fake as well

Oh this is so sad. You're going to break down all the connective tissue u see your skin and age yourself horribly. Most women look after what they have. Clean, moisturiser, eat well, drink water.
Have you thought about therapy maybe?

This thread has motivated me to maybe do a bit more. I should probably at least get my eyebrows done and buy a sheet mask or two for 99 p! Don't need the rest.

why would any woman want a man that values her for this sort of crap?

@literalviolence 🤦🏻‍♀️the pic of the lips I posted -just the lips is an example of someone I know who doesn’t have filler. I posted earlier in the thread showing how everyone’s natural lips are different. This is getting crazy. Now you are citing pictures of natural lips as proof of how lip fillers are always obvious. Well I guess if nothing rude that proves something to all. You can’t always tell.

Nothing ‘else’ not rude

Aside from the eyebrows I do none of that! I do my own nails, I’m obsessed with finding new colours and I think nail bars have a very limited selection.

I'm not sure whether you're aiming this at the women who have treatments or those that are 'natural'. Certainly its equally applicable to both. To be fair though, I don't think I've seen more than a handful of negative posts directed at the 'natural' people. And those that are are without exception retaliation for post after post of sneering, spiteful clichéd insults.
Its pretty clear there's a very vocal group who try to portray other women as inferior on the basis of their grooming habits. Some hide it behind a veil of 'concern' or patronising 'pity', or pretend that sneering at other women's faces is a sort of feminism. Many are just unashamedly sexist and offensive.
I'm very curious as to their motivation actually. With most things in life, if we don't like something we reject it and mind our business. Yet this subject has people disproportionately raging, with women who are probably otherwise pleasant enough, suddenly lowering themselves to hurl playground insults. I wish someone would explain honestly why it's such a personal trigger.

Agree!
Also if people want to wear it then ok, fine, but do it for yourself not any "letting yourself go" and doing it for the husband" cobblers!

Maybe but it would be interesting to see photos to prove it and yours don't. It would be odd to have seen none of those when I was a kid and loads now so I think it unlikely that thats a significant factor. I've seen natural lips which flip out and it's clearly different from the way filled lips filled out. I've worked with lots of women where I've thought they have lip fillers and that's later confirmed. Not cos I ask them. I'd never do that. They're mentioned it in conversation. They've not been the massive really obvious ones I see on the telly but it's still clear.

"Self-care" was coined for people going through depression or trauma to remind them to do the basics of living - remembering to feed themselves well, hydrate, exercise. Funny (in a bad way) to see it reframed for all women as injecting chemicals into their face.

Regular exercise has done much more for my looks than any expensive beauty treatment. You can't recreate the fresh endorphin glow with an extortionate cream.

Part of me wants to be do more in terms of being creative with hair and make-up, but I'm too lazy to keep that going so I stick to low-maintenance "classic" looks.

But I don't want to piss money away on a shedload of face creams, I'd rather spend my money on travelling and cultural stuff and restaurants. Botox/filler is just a bit sad to me. But then I like my lips and skin as they are so don't really think about improving them.

I didn't really like how I looked as a teenager. I love my looks now. I'm much happier than I learned to love myself than tried to take an expensive chemical/cosmetic shortcut.

No judgment when it comes to aesthetics but it's really really worth realising that your looks are fine as they are.

Most men don't think about any of this shit!

It’s like you think everyone looks the same, has the same ethnic heritage and the same shape lips to start with. Does it even occur to you that some of us are mixed heritage so have very different lip shapes ti what you are probably so rigidly sticking to. Tell us you are white without telling us you are white 🤦🏻‍♀️even within Caucasians people have very different lips. You just refuse to accept this. I’ve even posted a picture of someone I know with completely natural lips that you merrily said were obviously fake to your expert eyes yet even your own error doesn’t change your position. That’s some arrogance. .

No judgment when it comes to aesthetics but it's really really worth realising that your looks are fine as they are.

Tell that to the rest of your judgey as fuck post @gannett

If the lip filler isn't noticeable why do you get it?
And yes you can tell, I had a friend who tried it once and I was asking her if she was ok? It is noticeable. By your own logic you wouldn't get it if it wasn't.

Why was @gannett's post judgy? It's true that self-care for women has come to be framed as injecting your face and never aging.

Also true that very few men not in the glamour industry do this.

. I wish someone would explain honestly why it's such a personal trigger.
I've been away from the thread so have missed most of the personal comments, but whilst I'd not say it's a trigger for me, I do feel strongly that a lot of the 'empowerment' narratives around female grooming and beauty is the same of patriarchal expectations packaged in a different, more friendly sounding way.

This topic is just another one where I find liberal feminism and "empowerment" is another way to put women back in their box. By focusing on what the individual says makes them feel good, it conveniently shuts down a discussion about the reasons why women feel they have to do this and why looking young forever is considered aspirational.

I don't think it's a coincidence that a lot of the rhetoric relies on a belief that women shouldn't look age (and if they do it should be gracefully by not looking too old), that not doing all these treatments is 'letting yourself go', and that looking after yourself usually seems to mean aspiring to a particular image of youth and what men find attractive.

I'd not say any of that to someone who has had treatments unless I was asked for my opinion on the topic because it would be needlessly unpleasant though.

I do not do any of that.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was wondering what the point of your thread was, especially posting in AIBU & not Beauty. I just think you want us to know how well off you are and that you think women who don’t stick chemicals in and on them don’t care about themselves. Ok good for you, you’re high maintenance. Well done I guess.

That is quite a lot of activity.
I get my hair cut every 4 weeks and highlights once a quarter. Have never bought into the nails thing. Facial perhaps twice a year (I would do this a little more, but cannot get the facials I like where I live). Never use fake tan as I tan fairly easily, so just use holiday opportunities for that. As I am the wrong side of 60, I have been having light botox since I was 50. Lips, absolutely no way, but then I am happy with how I look for my age.
I do ensure that my diet is first rate, but only eat lunch as that is all I need.

potatohead1 is very pro lip filler. I wonder if she is a practitioner?

I'm in ireland aswell. I think a lot get their nails and eyebrows done regularly but less with tanning and botox. I do think lip fillers are very popular though! I'm the same age as you and do none of these things ever! I wouldn't say I don't care about how I look I just have no interest in these particular things. I look after my skin well and prefer to do my hair and eyebrows myself. Don't bother with tan, nails, botox or fillers. Also are you joking saying rosanna Davidson isn't naturally good looking she was always gorgeous!

YABspectacularlyU for your closing comment in your OP “Most women do these things if they care about their appearance”. There’s a smug superiority there that totally disregards the barriers that many women will experience to doing those things - largely financial or through lack of time because of caring responsibilities.

I’m fake tan when I can be arsed, have my nails and eyebrows done every 3 weeks, and wear makeup most days. It makes me feel like me but it wouldn’t occur to me to assume women who don’t do those things don’t care about their appearance. Maybe they prefer a natural appearance. Maybe they don’t give a shiny shit about having painted nails. Their business