What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

Do you mean 4.5 hours a day or per week? If its per day and she's giving them dinner I'd maybe offer £100 a week max. If it's 4.5 per week then I think she has a cheek wanting to be paid honestly, but would offer £40 a week. We use childcare for less stress but my son goes to his grandparents for 1 week in the summer. They would never take money, or ask for money from us.

I mean, that sounds so lovely! If only everyone had that absolutely fab experience of having a parent to be able to that...but it's really not reality for alot of people. If my mum was around, she definitely would not have the capacity to provide childcare for 2 days a week, let alone doing it without a cost. I think alot of replies here are so so naive.

Wow, some of the comments on here have shocked me, why should grandparents be expected to do childcare for free. My MIL/FIL looked after our DS when I returned to work and again our DD 3 years later, 4 days a week from 7:30 - 5:30 ish and pre covid we paid them £400 a month. They said no when we said we’d pay but we insisted - she fed them breakfast, lunch and dinner (lunch stopped for my son when he stated school), drops to nursery and school in the car etc, always brought spare nappies, wipes etc even though we provided a bag everyday. Since COVID, DH and I alternate working from home so MIL just does school run and occasional club drop offs & we’ve dropped payments to £200. I think £200 is a bit high now as son is Y6 and gets to school himself but we expect to stop paying when DD gets to Y6 (currently Y3). If they go away we just work around it, they are entitled to a holiday.

I think £20 is a bargain considering the time she is giving to, no opportunity to just meet friends for a coffee etc.

I wouldn’t think it is usual, all the grandparents i know do it for free. I’m not saying they shouldn’t ask for paying, but I’ve never seen it myself

So your mum hasn't worked for years, your fella hasn't worked for years, you have never had a decent job...so basically a long line of benefit scroungers decides having 4 kids is a good idea and then whines when they want to do 12 hours a week but might also have to pay childcare (like most other working couples do).

Failing to have any remote sympathy here. You have been claiming benefits to pay for your sex consequences for 4 entire children's lives....

Oooof. I think OP is trying to work out a way round childcare (and dog), so that's a positive move.

I had four children and no extended family support, but luckily it was long enough ago to be able to afford to live on one salary. Except it wasn't because we got into debt, and it was before you expected to pay for broadband, phone contracts etc. We had very little, and I loved staying at home. Maybe OP's mother has lived that way. When my kids were all at school, I did go back to work full-time and used local childminders for what is now called 'wraparound care'. Honestly, with four children, people were not queueing up to help out, and my own mother would not have wanted that commitment.

Best bet, OP, I think is to pay mum what she asks (bargain!) and get through the rest of this term. Then mess up your UC claim and get childcare that suits you.

But she could have tried to solve the childcare issue (and actually pay for her own kids herself) before she was 4 kids deep. She chose to keep popping out kids at the tax payers expense. Now wants the pay perks of a few hours work but without having to pay for childcare to enable it. Irresponsible is an understatement

Wow.

I find your mother's idea of being paid like a child minder ect really weird really,
Bonkers !

Obviously help to pay petrol expense, outside entertainment expense for e.g visting somewhere ,using Amenties like leisure centre ect..
If she is struggling financially, help with food expense maybe too,

It sounds like she is doing grudely really @Buddythecat1

Why not paid a proper childminder or a trusted responsible baby sitter, home help ect

I would help to pay food expense for looking after children, that's it really..

Except the OP admits that her fella has never worked...they have claimed benefits to support all of their 4 children.
And is now complaining that they can't have 100% of their money now that they fancy moving their arse off the sofa for a few hours a week.

Sorry if airway mentioned but If you're a parent of a [child] under 12, if your parent (ie child’s grandparent) does childcare so you can work, you can apply to get them Specified Adult Childcare Credit.

I never asked or wanted payment for looking after my GC but that was just one day a week when they were pre schoolers and maximum two days a week in school holidays. However I only have two so looking after 4 children up to 5 days a week even if only for a few hours is a big commitment so I would not offer for that. If you have a dog which also needs looking after I would say you have too many commitments to be able to work on a minimum wage job.

I'd never heard of this, but maybe OP's mother would be interested because it might help with her NI contributions and pension rights.

Also, I know a lot of people are struggling with the idea of grandparents charging for childcare, and I get that - I wouldn't do it. But not alll grandparents and families have close relationships - maybe OP's mother feels a bit used. Maybe not. But it could happen if the families are not close.

I think this is it - there's a big difference between a bit of babysitting and occasionally picking up one or two children from school and being 'the childcare'.

Yes and my daughter used a nursery for the other days and the other GPs so it wasn't all on me if we were ill or unable to do childcare one week. Her MIL and I claimed NI credits on alternate years so we did get the benefit of that but otherwise both of us were early retired so did not have to give up work.

I do feel sorry for the OP but if she cannot afford childcare and only has one GP who insists on being paid then I fail to see how it will help her unless she can work her hours so her partner is home then instead.

And not wanting to rain on parades or piss on chips, but ideally childcare needs to be planned before finding employment - even if arrangements need changing. It's important to have options for childcare AND a back up for illnesses, holidays etc.

Long term, not having reliable childcare that you feel is right for you and your children is going to be very stressful.

Occasionally maybe, but as a regular thing, she should be paid.

Didn't get messy for me. I insisted my DM got paid, she would have done it for free. She didn't have much money and I trusted her with my kids above anyone else.

And your mum felt appreciated. That's important too.

Could you do care work. Care homes are crying out for staff and most would but hand off for someone to do mainly weekends. You probably could get a 12 hours shift on a Saturday or Sunday, and some are paying above NMW. I know one company who have just put their salary up to £11ph starting. Then increase at 6 month then 2 years. Plus they will always have overtime to offer, if you decide to earn some more.

Raising my head above the parapet here and will no doubt get flamed, but I was paid for minding my grandchildren. I had them from 3 months of age, 4 days a week from 7 am until 6pm.
I collected from their workplace, fed them, took them out, bought my own nappies etc and my daughter paid me £400 a month. When she had her second child, I had them too, without increasing her payments. I overlapped the 2 for about a year. That was my job, any ad hoc babysitting was done as a grandparent and obviously I wasn’t paid for that.
I gave up 6 years of my life for them, I met all expenses during the week, so soft play, toddler groups etc all included. I had bottles, highchairs all here, bought by me. I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter and my grand children. I am now disabled but they are now in school that provides wrap around care.

We met a need for each other, we were both happy with our arrangement. It also meant that if one of the children were sick, I still had them, so both parents were reliable employees too.

It will only work if you are really honest with each other, if it becomes too much for her, she has to say something. I think you also need to discuss school holiday arrangements too, unless you are working term time only. Maybe start with a trial period so no one feels forced, works for you too if you don’t think it’s working there are no hard feelings.

Fuck you
I was working ft, my partner stayed at home for the kids, we were getting about £50 towards our rent and child benefit. That was it.
My income stopped so then we've received more uc but it will reduce back down to nothing again. Seriously just ftfo

I can't use breakfast club as the child in nursery isn't old enough (you have to be 5)
So it is an option from August but then I'd still need my mum because it doesn't open until 8

And I never admitted that. I said he used to do night shift but he would be getting home and half an hour later I'd leave.
I even made a post about that year's ago and I was told to support my partner through not working as it wasn't fair for him to work night shift then come home and not sleep