What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

I don't see why the GM shouldn't ask to be paid.

Op can say no if it doesn't suit!

4 kids plus a dog-I'd probably want something for that even if I didn't need it.

Just to feel that I wasn't being taken advantage of!

The OP needs to ask her mum as hopefully if she trusts her to look after her children she is able to have an honest conversation with her.
I wouldn't ask monies to look after my grandson as a one off or if my dd was going out etc but if I did it regularly so she could work then I would. In an ideal world it wouldn't be necessary but as I'm on benefits working on a zero hours contract I would have to. I normally earn about £85 a day so I'd probably ask for about £40 plus train fare. My dd probably earns that in an hour.

I pick my 6 year old granddaughter up from school every day and she's here for 2-3 hours. In the school holidays I have her for full days but she goes to her other Nanna's for a few days too. I don't expect paying, I enjoy spending the time with her making memories as they grow up too fast. I've always been involved in looking after her while her mum goes to work.

Yes, I have 3 of my own, manage on my own and work full time.

Not easy but doable and there are 2 adults in this scenario with a father in law willing to help if they could pick him up (or drop the baby off).

Where do you live? It's £15 an hour for a childminder round here.
A private nursery setting costs approx £5 an hour but that's different from a childminder

I wouldn't use a parent. It creates a totally different dynamic between grandparent and grandchild when it's a paid arrangement. Your mum will feel obliged when she's tired/unwell/wants to make other plans..or she won't feel obliged and that leaves you in a mess last minute with no back up. Far less messy and less risky in a professional environment as they have contingency plans for most scenarios. Its then a business relationship and can be treated as such is issues arise. Childcare professionals will follow your lead on the things you deem acceptable for your child and can help in ways YOU ask/need them to. Grandparents gave a tendency to override / ignore your wishes on certain things as they think they know best. Childcare arrangements, especially where money is comcerned are a buisness transaction and should be kept that way...they don't say "never mix business and pleasure" for no reason

Well suppose it's quite handy for a one off 40 hour week, you would struggled to find adhoc childcare like this. Just pay her what nursery would charge minus 20% gov top up. Think that would be a fair amount.

I think you’re doing really well OP, you’ve ended up in a sticky situation work-wise, and both you and your partner have gone out and got jobs, now you’re trying to juggle how to make them work. And that’s what we all have to do!

I think your mum asking for a bit of money towards looking after the kids is fine. It’s not really “paying” - you’re not agreeing an hourly rate or anything.

Perhaps look at it this way - this arrangement lets you and your DP work in the jobs you’ve picked up. Once you’ve got started, you can find out whether your hours will be higher, and your DP can keep looking for something with more hours/better timings. At that point, making the UC claim with childcare and using a childminder might work out better. But this is a good option for now to enable you both to get back in to work. It doesn’t have to be forever.

I'm pleased to hear that you have so much family help, I know it makes a huge difference. We moved house before my daughter adopted so that we could be close, it's tough being a single parent. The OP does at least have a partner and a mother who is willing to help, for a very small payment.
I also worked full-time once my youngest (of four) started school and found that the cost of childcare swallowed almost all of my pay for a while. Their father usually worked abroad but at least I had financial help even if I was often alone.

I'd say leave some cash for trips out and food if you can, she won't expect anymore and would probably enjoy childminding if she isn't out of pocket, and will enjoy little trips out

You're not correct because if she pays her from her own money and doesn't claim any sort of childcare payment top up from the government..you can who the hell you like, whatever you like, for babysitting. No qualifications needed and no employee status required

Interesting to see the entitlement of some mothers.
Grandparents have done their share and need to be encouraged to pursue hobbies and relax.
Spending family time with kids is different to minding them, we all know that's a full time job.

There's a grandad at the school gates who said his life is dictated by the school drop offs and pick ups and feels he can't refuse.
He's in his 70's, leaves home early to go and pick up 2 grandkids, take them to school, goes back to his home...... then goes to pick up, playground till 5pm as mum WFH and doesn't want to be disturbed, drops off at their home, then back to his.
He is widowed and from mpov, is being used.
Fine for grandparents who offer but a lot accept for fear of being lonely or excluded.
Here and there is fine, and more power to those speaking up and wanting payment.

They might be ber grandchildren but I'm gonna assumed she wasn't consulted in the baby making stage....so why should her life be turned upside down because her kids chose not to stick a jonny on it without asking her first ?

A babysitter around here asks about £8-10 /hr (or more)
I’d pay her that at least

And so she shouldn't. Your tribe of kids (that you had despite not being able to afford) are not her responsibility. Unless you asked her BEFORE trying to conceive each child whether she was willing to look after them...she absolutely should not be expected to be your on call childminder 5 days a week ! It's insane, self entitled (and kind of makes sense as to how you have ended up with 4 kids whilst not paying paying them yourself) to even consider it

This

I don’t have any help, I was referring to the op’s scenario- she has a partner and she mentioned the partner’s dad too didn’t she? Except he doesn’t drive but they could probably drop the baby off if they’re willing to do so. Or the fil could be picked up the evening before a stay over. They have options, more than many.

I would add that it depends on your relationship with parents but in my family its never been a problem.

Not normal at all. Iv never known this in my life. It’s the child’s grandparent!

I paid my Dad £15 a week but that wasn’t for babysitting, it was for petrol as the school wasn’t walking distance from his house. I wouldn’t have paid if he didn’t have to use the car, and he wouldn’t have accepted money from me.

I look after my grandchildren each school holiday for 3 days a week. I do school runs am & pm and tea for them 4 days a week.

I have them for sleep overs and sometimes on weekends for the day. I take them swimming once a week. And the charge is £0...

Jesus they are her grandchildren ffs. Paying her is crap. A treat now and then is acceptable.. ps I don't even get a treat lol.

I don’t understand why the big ones can’t go to breakfast club and you claim 80% back. Then the baby can go to a childminder, your hours might differ but you said your partner will only be doing 4 hours a day so baby can just do half days. It shouldn’t then cost £1300 and you will almost definitely be entitled to claim most of it back anyway.

You can't win with this. If you leave your kids with a grandparent you get told to stop taking the piss and pay for childcare. If you pay them for childcare you get told they should want to do it for free.

I pay my mum £360 per month to look after DS two days a week. It works well for us. My mum would love to do it for free but that's not a reality for everyone. She's working fewer hours to enable her to do it. I don't think it's weird at all that she expects payment for that.

You can't win with this. If you leave your kids with a grandparent you get told to stop taking the piss and pay for childcare. If you pay them for childcare you get told they should want to do it for free.

THIS! 100%

This thread has totally baffled me.

Perhaps the mothers and grandmothers on here who are so disgusted with the OP’s mother and absolutely horrified with the idea of grandparents being paid for childcare, should realise that everyone’s situations are different.

Again, a big middle finger to you.
I was working full time for years.
As it suited my mental health to do so.
I've been out of work since Feb on the promise of another job, in that time with the cost of living an all, it's no longer feasible for just one of us to be working so we've both accepted part time jobs rather than me do 12 hours and my partner do nothing
But my work is incredibly short staffed and it's looking like I'll be on 30-40 hours until the end of May