Was I accidentally homophobic?

[jamie98765]

Firstly, apologies in advance if I upset anyone with this, that is not my intention. But if I am wrong, I need to educate myself and the only way to do so is to ask questions, I hope this is a safe space to do so.

Am I homophobic by describing someone as camp???

One of my straight male colleagues refers to himself as camp. Recently in a conversation, I described him in the same way, one of my managers overheard and said that this was a homophobic term and unacceptable. I explained that I believe camp to mean flamboyant or effeminate I also said that not all gay men are camp And not all camp men are gay.
However, my manager is insistent that this term is homophobic and has decided to take it further.

I have spoken to several gay friends who do not believe it to be homophobic, but I wondered what the general consensus was?

Aside from the fact I don't want to get in trouble, I genuinely didn't believe I was in the wrong , but now I am questioning that.

Apologies again if this upsets anyone but I need to know.

TIA

I think it’s fine for him to say it, but not for you. Why did you describe him that way and not funny, tall, slim, dark haired whatever?

It does rather straddle what’s acceptable to be honest. I can understand how it could be said with no ill intent, but personally I wouldn’t use it in a work setting.

I think all you can do is as you have and explain it was a naive comment rather than fuelled by any sort of prejudice.

I wouldn’t say it is - and I have a lot of gay friends.
A few years ago we made a banner for our table in a pub - the ‘Camp as Christmas Club’ 😅

No one had a problem with it, and one of the attendees got a date that evening!

No, it’s not homophobic. People are just too quick to be offended on other peoples behalf these days.

Your manager is thick and jumping on the PC bandwagon in an attempt to virtue signal their progressiveness by professionally cancelling you.

It’s a sad day when no one considers a persons intention and tried to weaponise and analyse every single word we speak.

No it's not homophobic.
Straight people can be camp.
A hat can be camp.
Bloody hell even my cat is camp.

Your manager is mistaken.
Camp is a thing, a real way of being. To imply all gay people are camp is homophobic and a stereotype. But some people, gay and straight of both sexes are camp and it is not homophobic to say that, whatever their sexual orientation.

I wouldn’t say it at work - I use it with some of my gay friends but only ones I know very well and have that kind of relationship with.

Can I ask why you think that? It’s either a slur or not. It shouldn’t matter who uses it…surely?

No it’s not homophobic, I would be asking him to explain how he views it as such.

It's not an offensive term in my book, and certainly not homophobic. To me it means, as you said, flamboyant and extravagant - and these aren't negative things. If anything, I think your manager's assumption that a word they associate with homosexuals must be derogatory could perhaps be related to unconscious/internalised homophobia in their part.

Sadly, I would learn a lesson from this and try to avoid discussing personality traits/how colleagues present themselves at work - or at least in front of your manager!

It was an unprofessional way to describe a colleague.

Often people get too comfortable at work and forget that these people aren't your mates.

I described him that way as that's the way he regularly describes himself and I believed it to mean (and meant it as ) flamboyant etc. it's worth pointing out the colleague involved is not offended and has stated as such. He has actually stood in my defence but this has been ignored.

What is your manager hoping to achieve by taking this further? Does this become a disciplinary with HR?

Camp is not a homophobic term; it can be used as an insult but then so can any word. You were not using it to insult or belittle anyone. Your manager sounds like an idiot.

It’s usually associated with being a slur for gay men so I don’t think it’s really appropriate in the workplace.

It’s not a term I’d use to refer to a colleague, regardless of whether or not he uses it about himself — though more on the grounds of it being quite a personal thing to say about someone, and the potential for someone else regarding it as derogatory. I have lesbian friends who happily use the word ‘dyke’ about themselves, but it’s not something I would ever use as a descriptor about them.

See assuming this all happened as OP said it did, insisting the manager explains himself is such bad advice.

Personally, while it’s completely true that someone can be heterosexual and not ‘camp’ and someone can be ‘camp’ and not gay, it is one of those on the cusp phrases, I would say. It can be used completely innocently as I’m sure the OP did but it can also be a slur.

Much better to be apologetic and not use in future, surely?

I don't think it's offensive in the way you have used it op. Sounds like your manager is out to cause trouble.

You did nothing wrong OP. All this virtue signalling bullshit is destroying society.

It’s a sad day when no one considers a persons intention and tried to weaponise and analyse every single word we speak.

Yep.

I think it used to be used as a slur, but the meaning has changed a bit. Language evolves.

Now loads of things/people are described as camp - Christmas, Strictly, Joan Collins - none of which are gay men.

Not homophobic exactly, but on the cusp of sounding prejudiced.

It carries significantly different ‘weight’ in a social context coming from (presumably) a straight person versus a gay person. That’s why it’s fine for him to say it about himself, but not fine for you to say it about him.

Plus it’s a bit old-fashioned these days.

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20190503-what-does-it-mean-to-be-camp#:~:text=The%20first%20English%20definition%20of,homosexuals…”%20If%20not%20synonymous%20with

Alas, if your manager is offended by your use of the word, there is a case to be heard. You’ll have to demonstrate that it was not meant offensively, that the individual concerned wasn’t offended, that the manager is being vexatious. All quite hard to do. Tis a word best avoided in the workplace, indeed best to never reference people by gender, preference, or anything else potentially up for debate about whether it’s good or bad interpretations.

Hope the above article assists you.

It’s a sad day when no one considers a persons intention and tried to weaponise and analyse every single word we speak.

I completely agree. I remember Benedict Cumberbatch being slaughtered for saying “coloured actors” rather than “actors of colour”. Which was a shame, as he was actually making a very good point about the lack of leading roles for black actors in the film industry and trying to raise awareness of that. And that point was totally lost in the furore that followed, even though he immediately apologised when pulled up. Context matters and intention matters more. I’d be petty and I’d watch that manager like a hawk - the next time he says something that can be misconstrued in casual conversation, as people do, mostly with perfectly good intentions (think “the girls” - that sort of thing), I’d be all over it…..

I describe myself as camp.

Cannot see a problem with this at all.