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Original poster

Was I accidentally homophobic?

162 replies

jamie98765 · 04/05/2023 08:20

Firstly, apologies in advance if I upset anyone with this, that is not my intention. But if I am wrong, I need to educate myself and the only way to do so is to ask questions, I hope this is a safe space to do so.

Am I homophobic by describing someone as camp???

One of my straight male colleagues refers to himself as camp. Recently in a conversation, I described him in the same way, one of my managers overheard and said that this was a homophobic term and unacceptable. I explained that I believe camp to mean flamboyant or effeminate I also said that not all gay men are camp And not all camp men are gay.
However, my manager is insistent that this term is homophobic and has decided to take it further.

I have spoken to several gay friends who do not believe it to be homophobic, but I wondered what the general consensus was?

Aside from the fact I don't want to get in trouble, I genuinely didn't believe I was in the wrong , but now I am questioning that.

Apologies again if this upsets anyone but I need to know.

TIA

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Cloud9Super · 04/05/2023 08:52

I think this says a lot more about your boss than you.

RudsyFarmer · 04/05/2023 08:52

I’d be getting documentation ready for you being hauled in to talk to someone senior. What does it say in the dictionary for example? I assume this manager overheard a private conversation and interjected or was it said to the manager whilst talking about your friend?

You need to stop canvassing opinions and actually get yourself some proof that it’s a word with an inoffensive definition and you were using it in a non-derogative way.

Backtobed · 04/05/2023 08:53

It's is not homophobic. Do not apologise as this would mean that you accept you've done something wrong, which you haven't.

Original poster
jamie98765 · 04/05/2023 08:53

GlomOfNit · 04/05/2023 08:47

Jesus, it's not a homophobic slur!! Your manager is being Professionally Offended on behalf of someone who is not offended. Silly. I know of no gay men personally who'd think this was offensive.

As a previous poster pointed out, 'camp' is an attitude, a response, a way of thinking, and anyone can be camp. Would your manager be as outraged if you'd said a straight person was camp (as many straight people can be)?

The person I was referring to (and who describes himself as camp ) is straight. I'm Friends with his wife - we live in the same roads- and our kids go to school together.

OP posts:
Watersun · 04/05/2023 08:53

I don't think it's necessarily homophobic but I would not think highly of someone who described someone else who wasn't there in those terms. It's not exactly a compliment.

butterpuffed · 04/05/2023 08:53

Gymtastic · 04/05/2023 08:21

I think it’s fine for him to say it, but not for you. Why did you describe him that way and not funny, tall, slim, dark haired whatever?

Well , that says it all really . It's bad enough that many of us have to be so careful what we say these days , but now different people have to say different things .
We've all gone bonkers .
^^

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 04/05/2023 08:53

jamie98765 · 04/05/2023 08:49

We were talking about a recent job where an all male team came across a vulnerable woman on the side of the road who was injured. (we believe from her partner). The team rang the police and wanted someone to sit with her as she was scared and believes to be a flight risk. It was decided that my colleague was the least intimidating because of his approach/personality, and he was asked to sit with a lady until help arrived.
We had been discussing this case and if anyone had heard anymore from it and how my colleague had done well and was the best for the role as he had been able to calm the women not intimidate her. It wasn't just an out of the blue decision to discuss his personality. Generally if someone asked me to describe him I would tend to say appearance over personality but in this conversation it was relevant and definitely not meant as an insult.

Show quote history

I'm sorry OP; I think your manager is being heavy-handed in throwing the book at you over this but the example you give above is not a reason to describe someone as 'camp'. Gentle, non-threatening, empathetic, sure. Camp? No. Really poor choice of adjective.

DeflatedAgain · 04/05/2023 08:54

I have camp straight friends.

Don't worry about it.

SundaeLove · 04/05/2023 08:54

SunnySaturdayMorning · 04/05/2023 08:22

No, it’s not homophobic. People are just too quick to be offended on other peoples behalf these days.

This

Peppapigboresme · 04/05/2023 08:54

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

Thepeopleversuswork · 04/05/2023 08:55

I don't think it's homophobic, particularly if someone has described themselves as such and is clearly comfortable with the term. I think your manager has over-reacted a bit.

That said, I think it was potentially a bit unwise and unprofessional to use this term in the workplace: it's' one of these situations where its wise to wait for the person to identify themselves in a particular way before taking it upon yourself to identify them. More to do with reading a room and diplomacy than actually causing offence.

Jonei · 04/05/2023 08:55

It’s not your right to use the word camp as a straight person, in other words.

Oh behave.

ThanksItHasPockets · 04/05/2023 08:55

I wouldn't consider it a homophobic slur.

However, I genuinely can't think of a situation where it would be the best adjective to describe someone in a professional context, and in the example you give it was frankly a bizarre choice.

Peppapigboresme · 04/05/2023 08:56

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

W0tnow · 04/05/2023 08:56

I would say the word. Not to everyone. Just people I knew well enough to know it wouldn’t offend. I might say a LOT of words I knew might offend others…in a private conversation. He overheard a private conversation. It’s nothing to do with him.

Iwasafool · 04/05/2023 08:57

Not all gay men are camp, some straight men are camp so I wouldn't see an issue myself particularly if the man concerned isn't offended.

maddening · 04/05/2023 08:58

Gymtastic · 04/05/2023 08:21

I think it’s fine for him to say it, but not for you. Why did you describe him that way and not funny, tall, slim, dark haired whatever?

A straight man describing himself as camp is different to his friend describing him using a term he uses himself?

Negroniplease · 04/05/2023 08:58

I'm on the fence with this one. I don't think the term itself is homophobic, but you've got to ask yourself why you said it. Presumably you were saying it in a humorous way and not with any hateful intent, but then if it was said in humour, why?

proventocleanbetter · 04/05/2023 08:58

We might as well all just give up talking full stop, in case we say something that might be pounced on by a complete dick who's looking for offence.

OP, you did nothing wrong.

Justalittlebitduckling · 04/05/2023 08:59

What does your friend think about the way you described him in that context? Surely that’s what matters here.

Iwasafool · 04/05/2023 08:59

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

Straight people can be camp, it isn't owned by gay people in the way the N word is owned by black people.

Bigpinktrain · 04/05/2023 09:00

It’s not a homophobic slur but equally in a workplace it’s probably not seen as appropriate so maybe that’s why your manager wants to take it further? I don’t know, it seems heavy handed but it was also unnecessary to use the word. Sitting firmly on the fence

maddening · 04/05/2023 09:00

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

But camp was never a slur word - the f word yes, but camp I don't think so. Terms used to subjugate and oppress absolutely, but I genuinely do not think camp falls in to that.

Verysadatwork · 04/05/2023 09:01

How crap for you.

I think “because Ben presents in a way he describes as “camp”, he was a good choice…”

would have been bullet-proof?

proventocleanbetter · 04/05/2023 09:01

Btw the context you gave does not change my views in the slightest. I absolutely can't bear people who just want to find offence where none is intended.

OP doesn't have to ask herself why she said it, because she didn't say anything wrong.

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