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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not what parental leave is for?

409 replies

Friendlybreadbin · 03/05/2023 21:07

I may well BU but interested in people’s opinions. My company offers a fairly standard 25 days plus bank holidays leave package. New colleague comes from a company where they had been for over 20 years and so had got up to 30 days, their old company also offered a ‘buy an additional 10 days leave’ package. Our company doesn’t. Having passed their 3 month probation period (where they also took a lot of leave) they are using leave days like they are going out of fashion, and have already had a skiing holiday and an all inclusive this year. As well as lots of other random days off, it’s seems rare they work a full week. Have been openly saying that they intend to take unpaid leave because they can’t see how they will possibly manage on 25 days when they were used to 40 days and asking how does anyone do that with kids? I have not dissimilar aged kids and have managed with 25 days for my whole career. There are no special needs or circumstances. Their job is flexible and from home.
AIBU that they should learn to manage within their holiday allowance that they accepted by contract? Or as the extra leave is unpaid is this an acceptable strategy? It seems to me they intend to exploit parental leave just because they feel entitled to more holiday than they are contracted to have.
Our company charges customers rates for their time and will therefore lose revenue as we can’t charge when they are OOO. I am their line manager.
I have managed people for 20 years and have never come across anyone with this attitude before, when I have managed people who have taken parental leave it has been for understandable reasons.

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 03/05/2023 21:10

Surely if you’re their line manager than any leave has to go through you?

Is there not a company policy about this kind of thing?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/05/2023 21:11

But have they actually mentioned parental leave? You say they are talking about unpaid leave, which you as their line manager can approve or not.

Phos · 03/05/2023 21:11

It depends on company policy and whether they need to provide any particular justification for unpaid parental leave I guess.

JustMarriedBecca · 03/05/2023 21:13

They're entitled to take unpaid parental leave for whatever purpose they want, they are not required to run it by you.
If you don't like the legislation, take it up with the Government. Your employee is doing nothing wrong.

And I cannot ABIDE this whole "I suffered managing on 25 days so so should they" attitude. People never used to get maternity benefit either - are we assuming that should go too because 30 years ago it wasn't available.

Sissynova · 03/05/2023 21:13

Well unpaid parental leave is to spend time with your kids so they aren’t wrong to use it for spending time with their children.
You sound irrationally angry about something that doesn’t really impact you.

“Eligible employees can take unpaid parental leave to look after their child’s welfare, for example to:

  • spend more time with their children“
Ponoka7 · 03/05/2023 21:14

Do you have a HR department? Surely this should be getting discussed internally. You need to find out your policies and have a meeting with the staff member.

Cantstaystuckforever · 03/05/2023 21:16

Maybe it's a sign for you to take some more leave with your kids?

I've often had the same guilt feelings you have about taking leave, letting down my team etc - and now I look back and wonder why I passed up spending precious weeks with my kids when they were so little, for the sake of a week's pay or for showing my 'willing' to bosses or coworkers who I'm unlikely to see again and who ultimately didn't care that much.

So long as when they are in the office, they're working properly, that's most important. They're not being paid for their extra time off, even if they're also not earning. And instead of feeling jealous, either acknowledge that you have different priorities, or let them do some extra cover when you reorganise things so you can do the same and take the leave.

Boxe · 03/05/2023 21:17

I don’t understand- if you’re the line manager surely you have the say on what leave the employee can take, and when, subject to the relevant legislation and company policies.

LolaSmiles · 03/05/2023 21:17

Why shouldn't they take unpaid parental leave? If it's been agreed with the line manager then why is it your business?

If you have concerns about your workload or your job then raise that with your line manager. It's their job to appropriately manage workflow.

You sound like one of those people who thinks other people shouldn't have nice things because "I made do without nice things".

Dyerun · 03/05/2023 21:18

As said a certain amount of unpaid parental leave is a right if you have a child under 18 and have worked for a company for more than a year

In your case she's not eligible yet, however there is a possibility she may just go off sick instead. What's your sick pay policy like?

Personally I think the parental leave policy is great, it's unpaid after all and gives people flexibility. I plan to take some myself this year, which I know my employers won't like, but tough shit

S72 · 03/05/2023 21:19

I've used 12 weeks of my unpaid parental leave so far. No regrets. Children are only young once. I intend to use the full 18 weeks before my child turns 18.

If employees can afford to take leave unpaid then crack on I say.

I raised awareness of the government's parental leave policy at work and helped more of my colleagues apply for it via our internal process.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Unpaid parental leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid parental leave - eligibility, how much leave can be taken and notice periods

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

LolaSmiles · 03/05/2023 21:19

That should have said approved by HR/manager

RoseGoldEagle · 03/05/2023 21:19

I think they have their priorities exactly right! You choosing not to take parental leave is your decision, but they’re free to request it if they want.

dementedpixie · 03/05/2023 21:20

If its actual parental leave then they need to have been employed for 1 year and leave needs to be taken in blocks of 1 week so not random days off here and there.

If its just odd days of unpaid leave they are asking for then surely you can refuse to grant them the time off

N4ish · 03/05/2023 21:23

If your company allows staff to take unpaid leave then it really is none of your business what your colleague chooses to do with it. If her being absent causes problems or means more work lands on you then that’s something you need to take up with management or HR.

BeerBot · 03/05/2023 21:25

Boxe · 03/05/2023 21:17

I don’t understand- if you’re the line manager surely you have the say on what leave the employee can take, and when, subject to the relevant legislation and company policies.

Parental leave is government legislation do an eligible employee cannot be denied it. Not thing a manager can do is ask f the timing doesn't suit they can offer an alternative time.
It is unpaid and I'm pretty sure they have to have worked for a year so won't be able to take it this summer

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 03/05/2023 21:27

I voted yanbu for the odd days here & there. I thought parental leave had to be taken with 8 weeks notice in min chunks of 1 week - but taking parental leave should be encouraged. Not sure I'll be able to afford it but I have designs on taking it in chunks at some stage.

Gazelda · 03/05/2023 21:27

Are they planning to take parental leave, or unpaid leave. They're not necessarily the same thing.

If it's parental leave, and they book it according to policy, then you have to right to judge what the do on their time off.

If it's simply time off that they are expecting to be able to take without pay, then you need to confirm the organisations policy on this and any limits, notice timescales, frequency etc.

Boxe · 03/05/2023 21:29

BeerBot · 03/05/2023 21:25

Parental leave is government legislation do an eligible employee cannot be denied it. Not thing a manager can do is ask f the timing doesn't suit they can offer an alternative time.
It is unpaid and I'm pretty sure they have to have worked for a year so won't be able to take it this summer

Show quote history

Yes, I’m very well aware. This is why I said it was subject to legislation.

There’s no requirement for a manager to grant parental leave in the manner which has been suggested in the opening post.

Sissynova · 03/05/2023 21:31

Boxe · 03/05/2023 21:29

Yes, I’m very well aware. This is why I said it was subject to legislation.

There’s no requirement for a manager to grant parental leave in the manner which has been suggested in the opening post.

Show quote history

The person has been using annual leave, they said they plan to use unpaid leave later in the year to do things with their kids. There’s no suggestion they would try to take it as single days.

Upanddownthemerrygoround · 03/05/2023 21:33

Similarly to your colleague, I lost around 13 days holiday when I moved jobs last year. In my last place I could also buy another five days holiday a year.

Damn right I’ve taken unpaid parental leave to spend another fortnight of the school holidays with my children than five weeks a year.

somethingslastforever · 03/05/2023 21:35

Kind of sounds like a bit of jealousy to be honest.

I commend any parent that takes unpaid leave to spend time with their kids. They're not little forever.

Original poster
Friendlybreadbin · 03/05/2023 21:37

They intend to ask for unpaid leave this summer and then have parental leave once they have been here a year.
As I said in the OP, I may very well BU here, and indeed some have suggested that I am - fair enough, I’ll take that on board. But as I say, I have managed people for many years and have never before come across this sense of entitlement to take additional leave in this manner. So it surprised me.

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 03/05/2023 21:39

It’s not a ‘sense of entitlement’ - they are entitled to it.

m imagine if we all had had an extra 25 days a year with our parents. Or with our children. I would do anything to go back in time a little and have more time.

its just a job. Families are forever. Take some parental leave yourself.