How do you accept that you’re going to be single your whole life? How do you get used to the loneliness?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I could really use some advice before my mental health and all around wellness suffers too much.

I was looking for some single support threads, but most of them seem to be by people who love being single and the good points are basically happy no one is watching tv shows they don’t like or stinking up the bathroom.
And or by people who already have been married and have kids, so they are not actually alone.

Anyone else out there who had to made their peace that it’s never going to be them?
Spring time is here and this has always been the hardest time of the year for me when it seems every couple seems to pop-up into the world and just have to be so effing happy.

I’ve made peace with being lonely and never loving anyone or having anyone love me. I’m married but we got married because we were 40 and settled for each other because time was running out to have kids.

It’s nobody’s fault that I never found anyone who loved me. I had the same chance as everyone else but I never hit lucky. It still makes me incredibly sad and it always will, but I accept the reality. At least I have kids to love me which is better than nothing.

Respectfully @Nereides this thread is clearly not for you.
Are you taking the piss?
How rude can you be…

Why is her response inappropriate? She's told you how she dealt with it. She married someone for companionship rather than love.

It may not be advice you don't want to take, but its advice nonetheless?

Good grief. YOU are the rude person OP

Excuse me what now?

To be fair, the answer to coping with loneliness is not really 'get married to someone you don't really like and have kids'

I'm lonely occasionally, whenever I'm with somebody, they upset me or disappoint me more than the frequency I feel loneliness. I also prefer the equilibrium of just always being single. Not waiting to be dumped! Not trying to push water uphill. Occasionally I think, I want to go to xyz place and I have nobody to go with. My x that I was happiest with hated the cinema though so I used to go on my own then too.

I hope it feels less daunting soon. X

I think in defense of OP, she is feeling sad and frustrated with the situation and someone posting to say they have DC to love them (even though @Nereides situation does sound very lonely) perhaps can be perceived as insensitive. She deserves a chance to be heard on here, whilst needing to accept that she may not get the response she wants.

OP, I'm sorry. That sounds incredibly tough. Can you tell us a bit more about yourself, age etc?

@Nereides your honesty is valuable in a world where everybody paints a life of perfection

At least I have kids to love me which is better than nothing

In the OPs defence, this comment was a bit thoughtless.

You asked how people cope with never finding a loving relationship. I coped by compromising - I settled for a friend who was also lonely. If you’re 100% certain that love will never happen for you it’s a solid option. There’s no need to be rude after I made the effort to reply honestly to your question. I guess this explains a lot about why you’re single…

So if a single friend said to you that she was lonely your response would be 'just get married! At least I've got kids to love me'

That would be tactless indeed.

Having a husband and kids is nothing like the life OP is describing and I think she’s right to be annoyed at @Nereides posy. It’s not the same at all.

Theres nothing wrong with Nereide’s reply. Settling for a companion is an option, if it’s not the one you would choose OP then fair enough, but you’ve asked what people did who never found love, and people tell you….

She’s married. With kids.
It’s pretty insulting to even come on here and rub it in my face that she has all I want, but to complain how she had to made peace with it.
When I’m actually ALONE.

I don’t go to someone who has had their legs amputated and telling I am a victim and how hard it is to have working legs.

Tbf - Marrying and having kids with someone who isn't a good fit for you - and then divorcing them a few years later - does seem to be common on here.

The ''kids are better than nothing'' comment was crass, but the poster was saying what she did in that 'i'm lonely and haven't found love' situation.

It was a general response on an AIBU thread. You haven't told us much about yourself OP, so it's hard to tailor the responses exactly to your life situation.

Why do you think you will never find anyone OP?

Quite ,and I think a lot of women settle
My sister did ,she met a man when she 26 whils that's not old she wantrd to be settled ,and he was 30 and wanted the same they got married and had their children ,the marriage fell apart after about 15 years it was neither ones fault really .

I guess this explains a lot about why you’re single…

And you say I’m rude?
At least you made it clear you’re not here to help.
Hope everyone who jumped on me sees this lovely comment you made.

I hope your loveless marriage works out for you though, all the best.

Maybe draw a line under @Nereides and OP’s convo/misconception and move on so the OP can get some help :)

OP, my advice would be to not give up hope - or start a family alone. Also pets really help with loneliness.

Being single does not equal being lonely.

And now you also know that people within marriages feel lonely. Or marry out of wrong reasons.

Having a partner doesn't equal happiness or the end of being lonely

I sort of felt sad for you after reading your op. But then after the second post I thought: aha I get why noone would want to be in a relationship with you and all your judgemental and slightly deranged answers.

Maybe therapy would be a suggestion going forward op. It might teach you a thing or two about yourself

How old are you OP? Even 80 year olds in care homes find love again- often. Why have you written yourself off?