How do you accept that you’re going to be single your whole life? How do you get used to the loneliness?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I could really use some advice before my mental health and all around wellness suffers too much.

I was looking for some single support threads, but most of them seem to be by people who love being single and the good points are basically happy no one is watching tv shows they don’t like or stinking up the bathroom.
And or by people who already have been married and have kids, so they are not actually alone.

Anyone else out there who had to made their peace that it’s never going to be them?
Spring time is here and this has always been the hardest time of the year for me when it seems every couple seems to pop-up into the world and just have to be so effing happy.

I AS the OP

No friends
Works part time for her mother

How kind and not at all digging for ammunition of you.

When an op posts in the way she has done on this thread ie nastily

I have zero qualms doing an AS

As a single person myself I am hugely offended by the “ no wonder you’re single” remarks to OP.
Not only is it unkind, it is insulting to insinuate that single people are thus because there is something wrong with them, or than coupled up people are somehow superior people.
Let me tell you I know plenty of married people who are utter dickheads.

She’s married. With kids.
It’s pretty insulting to even come on here and rub it in my face that she has all I want, but to complain how she had to made peace with it.
When I’m actually ALONE.

To be fair, you're posting this query on Mumsnet, where by definition most people will already have kids. It's a bit unrealistic to think that many will be in your situation - maybe a different forum would yield different answers?

You’d have a point if people automatically assumed there was something wrong with you BECAUSE you were single.

But over the space of a few posts OP has shown herself to be angry, bitter, rude, aggressive and spiteful. Hardly the traits of a good partner, are they?

Sometimes a little self reflection IS needed!

The thing is the op hasn't said why she's resigned to being single. I've read many threads on here over the years by people who think they'll never find a partner. Sometimes they say nonsense like they think they're so ugly no one will ever want them. Often there's no actual reason they can't find a relationship...they just have low self esteem and self confidence. Hence why I'm interested in the ops thought process.

I'm not single but I have friends that have come to terms with it after struggling. They seem to fill their lives with things that they enjoy doing and learning. Work on being the best version of yourself. You may still meet someone as long as you don't let this warp your personality.

As a long term single older lady in their late thirties, it is really hard as still such a stigma attached to being single.
Even in your twenties it's still seen as odd to not be romantically involved with anyone. All my life I have had comments. Work colleagues trying to set me up, people asking me where my partner is at events and if I say I don't have one it's all 'Oh, why not?'. The awkward silences when people ask if you have kids or are married and you say you are not. Being left out of social gatherings as you're the only single one. Jokes about being a crazy cat lady. I could go on. There is as I say, still a stigma about being single despite what anyone says. A lot of people still believe you can't be happy without being in a relationship. Also, I agree that being single isn't because there is something wrong with you. I agree with @hereiamagainn some of the biggest arseholes I know are coupled up or married. It just doesn't work like that as in nice people get to have relationships and horrible ones do not.

I was in this situation so I used a sperm donor

…is your mind really that limited? I mean, off the top of my head, the prospect of never being able to get on the housing ladder because it’s much harder to save for a deposit and get approved for a mortgage as a single person on one income? Lol, fuck ‘images of happy families’ JOKE

Yes but swings and roundabouts isn’t it when it comes to finances and whether it financially advantageous to be single or in a relationship.

and being in a relationship sure as heck doesn’t guarantee financial stability… as evidenced by the many many many struggling families and couples out there

You are REACHING to prove a point. Unless you are in the 5% who’s earning 6 figures, it is much harder as a single person to get a mortgage. Especially if, like me, you live in London. Just having another salary coming in, no matter how basic, boosts your household.

assuming both myself and my partner are earning the UK average salary, that’s double what I’m earning now 😵‍💫

yeah sure I use less electric as it’s just me but rent, internet, car payments, etc don’t just magically halve being just one.

Often there's no actual reason they can't find a relationship...they just have low self esteem and self confidence.

...that's a reason

Struggling with self image affects your mental health and isn't something you can just snap out of

Of course. It's also fine to be single...but the op writes as if she's unhappy with her situation. Instead of dramatic declarations that she'll be single forever, the better thing to do would be to explore the reasons she feels like this and work towards finding a life that she feels happy with.

Very well put

Actually, I found myself much better off financially once I became single. I was able to focus on my career without being dragged down by an alcoholic deadweight.

Being single doesn't always mean being worse off.

Truthfully, there are some things I don't enjoy doing on my own - eating out and going abroad, for example. But I enjoy doing those things with my friends. Being on your own doesn't have to mean being alone.

Again, it's how I made my peace with being single - I found alternatives, and I embraced them.

not according to the last poster re her experience of being single and finances

Yea of course. One person overwrites statistics. Nothing is true of someone else has experienced it differently 🙄

Oh good grief

can you not see the irony of your statement when you posted how I was wrong to suggest swing and roundabouts by detailing at length your situation as somehow being the gospel! 😂

Yours is clearly a unique situation. Having an alcoholic partner isn’t the norm. I’m happy for you though, better off by yourself than with someone who brings you down.

I was talking about statistics and averages? Most people will be in a position where they are earning an average salary. I happen to be in that majority. But I think you struggle with comprehension so I’ll stop engaging

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup

I don’t equate being single with loneliness. I have been single for 14 years and am never lonely. I live alone with my cat and am very happy.

Do you have friends you can socialise with? Groups or other interests? What does your day to day life look like? I’m asking because that information will enable posters to help you.

Yours is clearly a unique situation. Having an alcoholic partner isn’t the norm. I

unique means absolutely no one else - you understand that

and sadly having an “alcoholic partner” whilst thankfully not the norm is most certainly not a rare occurrence

Let me give you a bit more context.

We had a shared account to cover our shared life. He was a selfish git with expensive tastes, and he spent 'our' money on things we didn't need (and that I didn't want). When he became an alcoholic, it was worse because he wasn't just buying junk, he was buying wine and literally pissing our money away, but I'm not sure it was that much more expensive. He'd already been wasting a lot of our money, but rather than spend it on stuff, he spent it on drink (part of the reason why I didn't immediately spot how much his drinking had ramped up).

Not everyone has an alcoholic partner; I'll give you that. But a selfish partner with a very different attitude to money? That's more common.

I think it's also common for couples to compromise and buy things they wouldn't otherwise buy. If store brand is good enough for you, but your partner prefers a more expensive version, do you buy store brand, or do you go for the fancy one? These little things add up.

As a single person, I'm in control of my own budget. And in that respect, things can be cheaper.

Thanks for your kind comment, btw - I didn't miss it. It took me a long time to realise that I'm not just financially better off but emotionally better off. I vowed to myself never to get in a relationship again that didn't somehow make my life better. Well, none of the options that have presented themselves have had the potential to make me any happier than I currently am. So, unlike the OP, I am content with being single. I enjoy this lifestyle of putting myself first.

I would never have been able to afford a property with my ex.