Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you accept that you’re going to be single your whole life? How do you get used to the loneliness?

160 replies

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 16:26

I could really use some advice before my mental health and all around wellness suffers too much.

I was looking for some single support threads, but most of them seem to be by people who love being single and the good points are basically happy no one is watching tv shows they don’t like or stinking up the bathroom.
And or by people who already have been married and have kids, so they are not actually alone.

Anyone else out there who had to made their peace that it’s never going to be them?
Spring time is here and this has always been the hardest time of the year for me when it seems every couple seems to pop-up into the world and just have to be so effing happy.

OP posts:
SparklyBlackKitten · 02/05/2023 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

changerlotter221 · 02/05/2023 17:17

OP please ignore the posters saying this is why you're alone. Yes you may have snapped at another poster, but her comment was insensitive on this particular thread. And even if it wasn't, being upset with a comment on the internet has nothing to do with your current situation.

Lovethatforyou · 02/05/2023 17:18

@SparklyBlackKitten i think @Nereides and OP said hurtful things to each other.

I’m gonna give OP benefit of the doubt here for being prickly because the first comment re having the kids’ love was thoughtless…

ILikePizzas · 02/05/2023 17:18

x2boys · 02/05/2023 17:10

Quite ,and I think a lot of women settle
My sister did ,she met a man when she 26 whils that's not old she wantrd to be settled ,and he was 30 and wanted the same they got married and had their children ,the marriage fell apart after about 15 years it was neither ones fault really .

Show quote history

Yes - when I see the number of unhappy relationships and divorces out there, I think there are far more people who don't find love/long term compatibility than might appear at first sight.

Reading some stories on here about the long term implications of having kids with a bad/incompatible man, that can be much more damaging than being single.

Original poster
Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 17:18

I sort of felt sad for you after reading your op. But then after the second post I thought: aha I get why noone would want to be in a relationship with you and all your judgemental and slightly deranged answers.

See I just see these kind of comments cruel, deliberately trying to hurt someone who is already hurting and being vulnerable with something that is bothering them.
I don't see how commenters like these can be any better than what they think I am.
The person is not going through the same that I am, telling how she is lived by her kids.
Whi does that?
But I hope commenting me made you feel superior, I can’t see what else you could have been after.

OP posts:
MsWhitworth · 02/05/2023 17:19

Why do you think it’s never going to be you OP? Is it your age, or something else?

In terms of accepting it, I guess it’s the same for anyone who has not ended up where they want to be. Accept it, look at the things you do have, change what you can, keep busy, fill your life with things that make you happy.

GalileoHumpkins · 02/05/2023 17:20

Why are you so convinced you're never going to meet someone who you love/loves you back?

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 17:20

Ummmm OP specifically mentions being single, so yeah waltzing in talking about tor marriage and lods is really missing the point Confused

There are things as a single person you have to deal with that you wouldn't being married, even to a companion.

Some people really just can't help talking about themselves.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 17:22

Laiste · 02/05/2023 17:07

The ''kids are better than nothing'' comment was crass, but the poster was saying what she did in that 'i'm lonely and haven't found love' situation.

It was a general response on an AIBU thread. You haven't told us much about yourself OP, so it's hard to tailor the responses exactly to your life situation.

Was the post edited to include the word 'single'? Genuinely asking as I don't understand how so many people seem to missing that significant fact

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 02/05/2023 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

midsomermurderess · 02/05/2023 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Unnecessary, unhelpful.

Original poster
Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 17:28

Thanks @NotAnotherBathBomb at least one person who can read and be sensible.

OP posts:
Whatabouteverything · 02/05/2023 17:29

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 17:28

Thanks @NotAnotherBathBomb at least one person who can read and be sensible.

Are you actually going to answer any genuine questions or tell us about your situation so we can give some good advice?

WoollyRosebud · 02/05/2023 17:29

I understand OP and suspect like me you have spent yet another bank holiday on your own. That extra day tacked onto a weekend is not all it’s cracked up to be sometimes. The advice upthread about joining clubs is good although you may have to try several before finding people you get on with. Some people swear by Meet Up groups so maybe worth a try. I go to the cinema, theatre, concerts on my own and it’s ok. I get to see what I want to see at the end of the day.

SaveMeFromForearms · 02/05/2023 17:29

The most lonely people must be those who spend time scrolling threads just so they can shit on people.

mainsfed · 02/05/2023 17:32

Nereides · 02/05/2023 16:32

I’ve made peace with being lonely and never loving anyone or having anyone love me. I’m married but we got married because we were 40 and settled for each other because time was running out to have kids.

It’s nobody’s fault that I never found anyone who loved me. I had the same chance as everyone else but I never hit lucky. It still makes me incredibly sad and it always will, but I accept the reality. At least I have kids to love me which is better than nothing.

Agh so frustrating when the first response is a bad one, as it sets the tone for the whole thread.

Might be worth getting this thread deleted and starting a new one in Relationships, OP.

Eyewantobreakfree · 02/05/2023 17:32

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 16:43

Respectfully @Nereides this thread is clearly not for you.
Are you taking the piss?
How rude can you be…

I was going to comment but calling out a poster a rude for trying to help is not okay. Maybe you’re on your own due to the way you speak to people. Lonely is lonely, sometimes you can actually feel more lonely when you’re with someone .

SparklyBlackKitten · 02/05/2023 17:33

OP You changed from mr hyde to mr yekyll pretty quickly .

Plus you are ignoring all posters that had questions or the ones that came up with ideas! instead.... you are focussed on posters who you can argue with instead.

That makes zero sense. None

Thighdentitycrisis · 02/05/2023 17:33

OP specifically stated what advice she is NOT looking for

”And or by people who already have been married and have kids, so they are not actually alone.”

But your response was a bit blunt OP

MyTruthIsOut · 02/05/2023 17:34

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 02/05/2023 16:43

Respectfully @Nereides this thread is clearly not for you.
Are you taking the piss?
How rude can you be…

I’m sorry the above post upset you but I can understand why.

I was cringing as I read it as I thought it was really insensitive as it’s a 100 miles away from your situation.

I have a male friend who is in the same boat as you and he finds life so hard at times. He is 44 and has always wanted marriage and children but it just hasn’t happened for him and I know he’s incredibly sad about it. I don’t know how he manages to cope with his view that he will remain single.

I’m not in your situation but I just wanted to offer you some support after the initial post having upset you, but from knowing someone who is in a similar situation I can understand why it may be so hard for you.

LucyfurMorningstar · 02/05/2023 17:34

I am lonely. I am also single. I am also not working through choice and living on cashed in pension. I haven't spoken to another person in over 2 weeks. I often have an afternoon beer and crossword in a pub but do not so much as pass the time of day with anybody. I will not change. I'm 57.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 02/05/2023 17:35

Why do you think you are going to be single forever? How old are you? What relationships have you had in the past?

NotAnotherBathBomb · 02/05/2023 17:36

LucyfurMorningstar · 02/05/2023 17:34

I am lonely. I am also single. I am also not working through choice and living on cashed in pension. I haven't spoken to another person in over 2 weeks. I often have an afternoon beer and crossword in a pub but do not so much as pass the time of day with anybody. I will not change. I'm 57.

I think this is the issue, being comfortable in your way of living to want to change it.

I swing between moods on being single. Sometimes content, sometimes I want more. But am petrified of dating. Riddle me that

Highlyflavouredgravy · 02/05/2023 17:37

LucyfurMorningstar · 02/05/2023 17:34

I am lonely. I am also single. I am also not working through choice and living on cashed in pension. I haven't spoken to another person in over 2 weeks. I often have an afternoon beer and crossword in a pub but do not so much as pass the time of day with anybody. I will not change. I'm 57.

Why have you decided that this is the way you want to live?

Fififafa · 02/05/2023 17:38

@SparklyBlackKitten Is your life so miserable that you came on this thread just to kick someone when they’re down?
OP sorry that you’re feeling this way. Is there a reason that you feel like you are going to be lonely for the rest of your life?

Swipe left for the next trending thread