To expect some fanfare from DH for end of breastfeeding journey?

[Calmondeck]

Just that really… I always intended to breastfeed (but had no concept of how all-consuming it is in the first 6 months and didn’t really know how/when to stop) and DH was quite anti-formula. When DC was 18 months I declared myself ready to stop but he was diagnosed with cancer and DH thought breastfeeding could be a tool to help with the many many hospitalisations. Now at 23 months, DC has decided he’s done. Which feels wonderful it’s come to its natural conclusion. DH has not reacted in any way. I don’t know what I expected, AIBU to expect anything? Secretly I wish he would take this moment to reflect on how much I have given… (not just milk)…

Congratulations and be proud of yourself @Calmondeck you spent 9 months growing a little human to then sacrifice 24 months of your life exclusively breastfeeding and persevering after all the trauma of the diagnosis no parent should ever receive. You’re an amazing strong women that’s been on a very difficult and traumatic journey through your breast feeding phase.

please don’t forget to take some time out for yourself (even a spa day) you've have had a lot to deal with and ongoing.

you should receive some recognition from the husband, communication is key please talk to him, I really hope DC recovers and you’re able to make your feelings known to your husband.

Congratulations again on your breastfeeding journey ending!🎉🥳

I think what was unreasonable was you carrying on with the BF past the point you actually wanted to. I'm sure it is perfectly possible to feed bottled milk to babies in hospital, just a bit more planning than BF. I am detecting a slight resentment towards your husband as his request for you to continue BF sounded logical and reasonable in the circumstances so you couldn't argue with it, but actually you could because it puts a lot of pressure on a woman and you were at the point you wanted to stop and get your body back.

Baffled that so many people have taken time out of their day to be nasty about this.

I understand OP. I breastfed my now 2 year old until they were 9 months and afterwards my husband thanked me for doing such a wonderful job. I know people are kicking off about you wanting a "fanfare" but a kind acknowledgement and thank you would help you feel valued by your partner for everything you've given for your DC

Ignore the negative comments, your feelings are valid and you are allowed to have them.

Sorry you've had so many shitty responses OP.

I know you used the word fanfare but I think it's very clear to everyone with an ounce of common sense you'd have been over the moon with a small acknowledgment.
Breastfeeding is hard enough, even more so when you feel pressured to continue past your own natural end and with a poorly child.
You've done remarkably.

I hope DS gets well soon.

Give yourself some fanfare.

You don’t sound like a crazy person at all to me! I remember when my son self weaned about the same age it was the biggest emotional rollercoaster for me. I was so happy it could end on his terms when he was ready but then the rush of hormones hit me and I was an emotional wreck for about a month. You do deserve a well done but DH doesn’t know that. A person who hasn’t done it can’t possibly have any idea what you’re feeling right now. So it’s not his fault. Give yourself a well done. Perhaps you could get some breastmilk jewellery to remember your journey by? Good luck to your son in his treatment

I think you should receive a fanfare for breastfeeding, being a mum, being a mum to a poorly child, being a wife, being you!

I think ALL mums deserve regular fanfares and especially when life has chucked them curve balls, such as you've received

But generally, I find, (many?) men don't get the memo about the fanfare

I ended up getting my fanfares from myself and my close friends

Lots and lots of love to you , OP

Well done OP! Currently 5 wks BF my second over here and it’s a slog, only planning 6 months myself so I know 23 is a huge achievement! Sod DH and make sure to treat yourself and celebrate it your own way

I don't think it's a thing in general so I think you need to make your own celebration. Maybe do an outing with your child that you normally would find too expensive or the mentioned jewelry? It's a nice idea. I didn't think of it as a milestone but it kind of is, isn't it? At the very least go eat or drink something that you couldn't/ didn't before .

I'm so sorry that your son has cancer. I understand where you are coming from. You've probably done most of the nights throughout his life, have been the main source of comfort, spent all that time feeding and comforting your son, and have had your body depleted over time. Well done on breastfeeding for so long.xx

My husband tells me that my breasts still look “just as good to him as the day we met”.

I know he is lying to me, because I used to have the kind of breasts that would make men walk into lampposts.

Now my breasts… well, you know when you were little and you’d go round to your nan’s house and she’d be getting all her winter clothes “out of storage” and they’re all in vacuum sealed bags. But the bags have actually started to leak a little bit. So they’re still wrinkly and shrivelled, but also misshapen and uneven. No two bags look the same. And they smell a bit musty.

That’s what my tits are like.

Naturally, I am grateful every day that my husband just pretends this isn’t the case?

Would this be enough fan fair for you too?

So sorry to hear about your little one’s cancer. 🌸

Completely agree

Well done, you should be proud.

And I really hope your DC is doing well now

I’ve just read this thread and I’m now sat here hoping that the posters posting sarcastic gifs of fireworks, talking about now having saggy boobs (wtf?) and even those saying breastfeeding is just not that special are actually incel men who have infiltrated the site and get a kick out of putting women down.

Because I just don’t want to believe that other women could be so disgustingly unsupportive and unkind to a mum who is clearly going through something hard and has done a wonderful thing for her child.

I don't think you're unreasonable to expect something OP . Some acknowledgement at least.

You’ve made an incredible sacrifice for your little one!! I hope they’re much better.

YANBU. It’s sad that your DH hasn’t recognised what you’ve done. I bf for 15 months twice and it was an incredible achievement. You must be touched out and drained not only by the bf, but also the emotional trauma of a very sick baby. Be kind to yourself and proud, even if your DH isn’t openly grateful!!

Look at vitamins and self care for yourself now!!

This thread is disgusting. Any discussion of breastfeeding does tend to bring out the worst in people. It’s funny how it’s ‘not an achievement and all mammals do it’ yet also somehow so extremely hard and most women in the U.K. don’t actually do it. People are expected to celebrate pregnancy, births, endless list of other things that are ‘just biological’.

Well done op. Of course it’s an achievement. You’ve provided something unique and amazing that your poorly dc couldn’t have got from anything or anyone else for 2 years! I would expect your DH to acknowledge that even if it’s just through a conversation.

Dh was anti formula 🙄

This pisses me off. I'm a mn and worked for families like this. I went in as an emergency.

Baby was think 6w old. The poor mum was on her knees as felt she had to bf and def had pnd add in reflux and cmpa baby - she did not enjoy her baby for the first 6mth

I had to tell the dad that if mum wanted to stop bf then she could and use formula - he had no right to dictate , esp when his wife was so unhappy tearful and depressed

I know this isn't the same as you op - and sorry to hear your dc has/had cancer - that sucks 🥲

But was the one sentence that stood out to me

You've all clearly been through a lot and maybe your DH doesn't realise what this means to you. Rather than secretly hoping, just tell him that this moment is a big deal to you and you'd like to mark it in some way. Maybe if you can have a nice meal or buy yourself something nice if he doesn't respond.

It’s funny how it’s ‘not an achievement and all mammals do it’ yet also somehow so extremely hard and most women in the U.K. don’t actually do it.

I agree with this. Something can be biological yet also challenging in the modern world and the demands of. It is an achievement and saying so isn't a slight on those who didn't BF for whatever reason.

I am horrified at some of the sneering, sarcastic and nasty responses written to the OP on here. Probably the most vile thing I’ve ever seen in mumsnet actually.
Attacking the mum of a child with cancer and being offended over an imagined formula vs breastfeeding debate. Talk about missing the point.
Absolutely disgusting.
OP I hope you’re ok. I would have this thread deleted if I were you. Take care 💐

From the way you've worded your title i assume this is a bit tongue in cheek. You are moving onto another stage give your self a pat on the back.

I think that you’re being very over the top and silly.

@CalpolDependant what part of @User98866 post did you think was over the top or silly? I’ve read it 3 times and see nothing but fact.

I think @CalpolDependant has probably never been near a breastfeeding mother in their life, hopefully not anyway!