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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DP not to bother coming home

376 replies

rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:38

My partner went out just before midday today for a coffee with a couple of mates, said he would be back in a couple of hours. Fast forward to 6pm, no sign of him, messaged asking when is he coming home and I'll start making tea. No reply. I phoned multiple times as it's not like him to not message me through the day when we're apart, never got a response.

I ended up messaging his friend who he went out with, asking if he was ok and if he knew where he was. His friend told me that he'd gone home, but my partner had stayed out with his other friend, and gone to watch the football.

I messaged my partner to say thanks for letting me know what you're doing, basically told him how pissed off I was, he eventually replied a nonsensical message so obviously drunk. I said to him if he was drunk he needn't bother coming home. His reply was "i'm sorry I'll stay out then".

Bearing in mind I have been home alone now all day with a 2 month old baby. I am absolutely furious. He has done this once before when I was pregnant, and promised me he would never do it again. He doesn't usually drink and when he does he gets in a right state and always ends up throwing up and really unwell for the next couple of days.

AIBU to tell him to stay with his friend and not bother coming home? We had planned a nice day out for the bank holiday tomorrow but I'm too angry to spend it with him now.

OP posts:
Reallyareyousure · 30/04/2023 19:40

You're overreacting

PinkiOcelot · 30/04/2023 19:42

It’s not late OP.

MXVIT · 30/04/2023 19:42

It's only half seven!

rainraingoawaay · 30/04/2023 19:43

I'd be annoyed being left at home with a young baby, when he was only meant to go out for a coffee then decided just to spend 8 hours out drinking + not communicating with you at all to let you know. Especially if you know he'll turn up throwing up everywhere and ruin the plans for tomorrow.

Original poster
rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:44

@Reallyareyousure @PinkiOcelot @MXVIT I know it's not late but he has told me he won't come home tonight. I said it more to show him how annoyed he was but he readily agreed he won't come home.

OP posts:
CheezePleeze · 30/04/2023 19:45

I mean you can, but it's his home so it's up to him.

He doesn't need your permission to return to it.

Doggymummar · 30/04/2023 19:45

If it's his house too you can't unilaterally decide he can't come home!

TheSnowyOwl · 30/04/2023 19:45

You say he doesn’t usually drink and this is only the second time he has done this. I think YABU.

tweener · 30/04/2023 19:46

rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:44

@Reallyareyousure @PinkiOcelot @MXVIT I know it's not late but he has told me he won't come home tonight. I said it more to show him how annoyed he was but he readily agreed he won't come home.

So you cut your nose off to spite your face by telling him not to come home and he's actually said ok?

MXVIT · 30/04/2023 19:46

@rhaenyra01 because you told him not to bother coming home!

TheLongpigs · 30/04/2023 19:46

Reallyareyousure · 30/04/2023 19:40

You're overreacting

You have a very low bar.

OP, this is incredibly disrespectful and rude and I would also be furious.

Reallyareyousure · 30/04/2023 19:47

rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:44

@Reallyareyousure @PinkiOcelot @MXVIT I know it's not late but he has told me he won't come home tonight. I said it more to show him how annoyed he was but he readily agreed he won't come home.

Because you told him not to come home 🤷

Original poster
rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:47

tweener · 30/04/2023 19:46

So you cut your nose off to spite your face by telling him not to come home and he's actually said ok?

Show quote history

I said "if you're drunk don't come home" hoping he wouldn't be drinking. He is supposedly teetotal. But he has been drinking.

OP posts:
MXVIT · 30/04/2023 19:48

Trouble is OP you went in hot at a 10 with the "don't bother coming back" - nowhere to go from there.

peppaspal82 · 30/04/2023 19:48

I totally sympathise with you. This is a total lack of respect for you, with a young baby. If you're anything like me, it's not the staying out it is lack of consideration that he hasn't communicated this to you and is now drunk. Just concentrate on your baby and then speak to him when he is sober tomorrow xxxx

Fatandfunny · 30/04/2023 19:48

rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:44

@Reallyareyousure @PinkiOcelot @MXVIT I know it's not late but he has told me he won't come home tonight. I said it more to show him how annoyed he was but he readily agreed he won't come home.

You started it and told him not to come home. You can’t get pissed he said ok. It was hardly late when you threw a wobbler

Peppapigboresme · 30/04/2023 19:48

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns about this thread, so we've agreed to take it down.

ErikaReadsTheDailyMail · 30/04/2023 19:48

rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:44

@Reallyareyousure @PinkiOcelot @MXVIT I know it's not late but he has told me he won't come home tonight. I said it more to show him how annoyed he was but he readily agreed he won't come home.

You told him not to and he agreed.
You really are overreacting.

I get it, it's hard with a tiny baby but if this is out if character for him then just try and let it slide- everyone needs a blow out occasionally.

Giselletheunicorn · 30/04/2023 19:49

I'd be absolutely livid if my DH left me for 8 hours with a tiny baby whilst he went out a spontaneous all-day bender with mates. I'm shocked that many of the posters on here don't think that's out of order. It's selfish, juvenile behaviour and shows a complete lack of consideration.

AppleTree16 · 30/04/2023 19:49

rainraingoawaay · 30/04/2023 19:43

I'd be annoyed being left at home with a young baby, when he was only meant to go out for a coffee then decided just to spend 8 hours out drinking + not communicating with you at all to let you know. Especially if you know he'll turn up throwing up everywhere and ruin the plans for tomorrow.

This. Would be different if you had no kids but very very unreasonable to not even get prior clearance for staying out and drinking with a 2 month old. I’d be furious. It’s not like you can have a break right now is it??

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2023 19:49

He said a few hours, I'd expect him hone by 4pm at that.
YANBU he sounds selfish and like he hasn't got responsibilities at home.

Original poster
rhaenyra01 · 30/04/2023 19:49

peppaspal82 · 30/04/2023 19:48

I totally sympathise with you. This is a total lack of respect for you, with a young baby. If you're anything like me, it's not the staying out it is lack of consideration that he hasn't communicated this to you and is now drunk. Just concentrate on your baby and then speak to him when he is sober tomorrow xxxx

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, it's more that he promises me he doesn't drink when he goes out, reassures me he won't be long, and then has been out all day drinking with his friends while I'm at home with a small baby. He had told me he would only be a couple of hours and we would have a nice afternoon and evening together as a family. But it's turned out I've been sat alone most of the day messaging him, wondering where he is and when he's coming home.

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 30/04/2023 19:49

God what an unreliable arse

Morechocmorechoc · 30/04/2023 19:50

Wow how do people not get how rude this is. If he'd told you he'd be gone that's one thing, but to leave you home waiting, not communicating and changing plans when you have a young baby is not ok. I'd be livid.

peppaspal82 · 30/04/2023 19:50

Totally perplexed by some of these responses! She has a two month old baby and he popped out for a couple of hours in the morning and hasn't returned. I'd say it's disrespectful and not supportive. Those who don't agree are either men or have a very low standards when it comes to respect in a relationship