Page 8 | If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

girlfriend44 · 01/05/2023 12:17

Tbh bog standard pub food is crap anyway

Went once to a party, the pub food was awful, so ended up stopping on the way home for food.

The food can make a party. You will always remember the food if there is any.

woodhill · 01/05/2023 13:40

crazyaboutcats · 01/05/2023 00:15

I hate parties at venues where the cost of the hire is in the price of the drinks with a minimum spend that guests are expected to cover.

I've found they often have a weird atmosphere with anxious hosts wondering if enough people have turned up or if they're buying enough drinks and stressed if not, a clique of people who are in on the hosts tab, older people wondering why they can't have a glass of water and shocked at the price they're selling bottles for, and people being stung with extortionate ATM withdrawal fees, card fees or min spends because of course these venues do that too.

That sounds the worse scenario and I would be fed up with that

Themisthefacts · 01/05/2023 17:45

Is it a regional thing because I have never been to an engagement party where there is an open bar. Or even fizz on arrival . Only weddings .

CantFindMyMarbles · 01/05/2023 17:51

What a load of privileged BS. My Goodness. Your parents did a terrible job of raising you.
you have to buy your own drinks? Yeah, well….ok. Don’t guy if you can’t afford it.

Nobodytellsmenothin · 01/05/2023 17:52

That’s nothing….we’ve been invited to a wedding where we need to take our own food and drink 🤣🤣🙈 seriously?!!

wentworthinmate · 01/05/2023 17:59

If the wording was ‘party’ then there should be food/buffet. If it was drinks then the first is on the couple and the rest you buy yourself. And if a room is hired I would expect food other wise just go to a pub.

5128gap · 01/05/2023 17:59

I have never in my life (I'm in my 50s) been to a party for any occasion in a hired room with a bar, where all the drinks were paid for. I've known hosts come round and offer to buy guests drinks, and there's always been food, but never a free bar.
Perhaps its the circles I mix in, but I can't imagine anyone I know affording to have the size of party that would fill a function room and buying everyone's drinks all night.
And yes, I absolutely think they should have their parties despite this. I go to people's parties to have fun, celebrate with them and enjoy the night, not for free drinks.

midgemadgemodge · 01/05/2023 18:00

A party is just a party

A gathering together for some fun

Expecting to be fed and watered at a party is a social construction that doesn't apply in many social groupings

Same as inviting people for dinner - in my group you would expect to take your own booze and a pudding or nibbles but the MN voices have been heard to say that you need multiple bottles of wine per person and bubbles on entry !

midgemadgemodge · 01/05/2023 18:02

wentworthinmate · 01/05/2023 17:59

If the wording was ‘party’ then there should be food/buffet. If it was drinks then the first is on the couple and the rest you buy yourself. And if a room is hired I would expect food other wise just go to a pub.

Not the same as a pub especially if it's a large group of friends - imagine going to a stranger on the pub and asking how they know party host?

midgemadgemodge · 01/05/2023 18:03

Nobodytellsmenothin · 01/05/2023 17:52

That’s nothing….we’ve been invited to a wedding where we need to take our own food and drink 🤣🤣🙈 seriously?!!

Well if you will only go if you get a free dinner then it's the food not the bride and groom you find most valuable

These things are expensive
Why should poorer people not be allowed to celebrate with friends ?

singledadstu · 01/05/2023 18:07

I understand the sentiment but disagree. Others have said it , if you’ve got news that has to be shared , anything from a birth to a milestone birthday to death - best way to share it is by having a gathering of people who you’d like to share it with .
having limited income doesn’t exclude all these things . People always say “live within your means” but can be frustratingly negative when folk do. If I went to a pub party and I felt it was beneath me to celebrate in such an establishment, I’d probably have a drink , buy the happy couple a drink , raise a glass , leave the card and the present and wish them well before I left . It’s that easy really isn’t it ?

Hudhud35 · 01/05/2023 18:07

You can definitely tell the middle class apart from us peasants on this thread.

Every engagement party I've been to is an Iceland buffet made by the hosts mother, a few card factory balloons and party poppers, in a 'you pay for your own' social club function room 😂

Nothing wrong with a low budget party

axolotlfloof · 01/05/2023 18:10

Dixiechickonhols · 30/04/2023 19:55

Not heard of anyone having an engagement party for years. I’d expect food at a party in a pub function room (buffet, pie & peas etc) but buy own drinks.

This.
I am not sure I have ever been to an engagement party.
It seems a bit silly if you are soon having a wedding.

Juced · 01/05/2023 18:11

Totally yanbu, food is an absolute must at any gathering free drinks I can take or leave but I think maybe one bottle of Prosecco or something on each table is appreciated!

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 01/05/2023 18:24

I get where you are coming from.

“friend” of mine held engagement party in function room (free hire)..: no food or drink. Requested no presents but money towards wedding would be appreciated.

6 months later they announce wedding abroad… anyone who went had to pay for themselves…. So couple got a “free” wedding by all accounts

they get back from wedding and hold a “party” at the same place as engagement, similar standard, request no presents but money towards their new bathroom

pure class 🤣

midgemadgemodge · 01/05/2023 18:27

Now expecting presents is not on!

JudgeRudy · 01/05/2023 18:45

Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 19:45

Because they have said they are hosting a party which is different to "please join us for a drink or two at the Red lion"

Show quote history

I really don't think there is a particular etiquette for an engagement party. If it was in a community hall/function room I'd maybe expect some music (DJ and/or live artist) and a buffet but not free drinks. If it was in a function room of a pub I might not expect much more than piped music and some balloons and a banner. I don't think I've been to more than 2 events with an open bar...in my life.
I think it's unfair to say if you can afford a party don't have one. I suspect most people would struggle to host anything where they're supplying free food and drink, whether it be an engagement or a 18th, 40th, 50th or silver wedding anniversary. I've been to lots of smaller celebrations where its maybe 10-20 friends and family and we've all paid for our meals and drinks.
The only time I'd expect to be fed properly would be a wedding, but even then I would not expect a free bar.

JusthereforXmas · 01/05/2023 19:00

Why should anyone pay for you to get drunk and possibly ruin their event? (because lets face it most horrific wedding/party/event stories focus around a drunken guest)

Alcohol in etiquette is NEVER a requirement of hosting and providing the ability for you to partake (either at your own expense or not) is nothing more than an unnecessary nicety extended to you not something you are 'entitled' too.

Maybe evaluate why you feel entitled to alcohol and can't simply enjoy being in the company of friends to celebrate their lives without it.

My friends could invite me to a 'party' on a park bench, random non private pub or the beach etc... (in fact it has happened many times) with little or nothing provided and I would be perfectly happy for them and the companionship but then I like my friends company.

Now technically in etiquette drinking water, toilet facilities, seats and weather shelter should be provided by the host and some food if over a meal time but a pub accounts for all that.

I mean its actually common non formal etiquette and 'tradition' that you should be buying THEIR alcoholic drinks at events like birth celebrations, birthdays, weddings, engagements etc... since you are there to celebrate THEM.

When did everyone start thinking everything in life even others birthdays and life events etc... should revolve around them as 'guests' being 'spoilt'?

Runnerduck34 · 01/05/2023 19:03

I think if you are invited to a party you should provide some refreshments, even a simple buffet. Paid for bar is ok, although first drink on host would be nice.

But not even to provide food is just meeting down the pub for a drink not a party

WombatChocolate · 01/05/2023 19:04

A party is an event you host. Hosting means you provide some hospitality.

Hospitality doesn’t have to be expensive, but it needs to exist. That means a location and some kind of food/drink which is determined by time of day. It could be platters of Iceland party food. No prob. It doesn’t have to be expensive…but it needs to exist.

If nothing is to be provided, it isn’t a party and there isn’t a host. Someone might ask friends to come for a drink in the pub or a meal….lots of groups do that and everyone pays for themselves. It’s not a party.

A party can be in your house and can involve home made sandwiches and buffet food and a table of drinks which are a mixture of those provided by the host and some that guests bring with them. The host has provided a venue and some food.

If you receive nothing in a pub room, you’ve been invited to the pub and not a party.

If you want large numbers, it’s likely to cost more. If you want 100 people, even having a few sausage rolls and sandwiches and a birthday cake that will feed everyone will cost more than it does to provide the same for 20. If you can’t afford to provide that stuff for 100, simply invite 20. At the end of the day, budget does impact hosting in terms of numbers and what can be offered.

It doesn’t mean those with less money can’t have a party. It does mean those who aren’t willing to spend anything can’t have a party…ie host an event and provide some refreshments. Someone who isn’t willing or able to spend anything on this, can invite friends to join them at the pub or for a meal where everyone pays for themselves….but it’s not a party.

Bugbabe1970 · 01/05/2023 19:09

Not so much a free bar of any sort but definitely some kind of buffet/food option

Ilovecleaning · 01/05/2023 19:09

Sundaycoffee · 30/04/2023 18:39

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

Did people take engagement presents?

Fanofbrianbilston · 01/05/2023 19:20

What’s the etiquette for money behind the bar?

Bekstar · 01/05/2023 19:27

Maybe stick to friends who have plenty money then. Everyone has the right to a party and if your going to drink then by rights you should foot the bill. I think your comment is very self entitled.

AriannaBlack · 01/05/2023 19:36

agreed @Bekstar theres lot of snobbish entitled comments on here but it is mumsnet so it doesn't surprise me