If you can't afford to throw a party don't bother?

[Sundaycoffee]

I've been to a couple of engagement parties recently and both of them just hired a pub function room with a minimum spend and expected the guests too buy their own drinks to make up the number.
I'm not necessarily saying it needs to be an unlimited tab behind the bar, but if I was throwing a party for my own engagement I would at least put on a few platters and provide a welcome drink. If I couldn't afford to do that then I wouldn't bother having a party in the first place!

Totally with you OP. Often people will have bought a new outfit or are paying babysitters and taxis etc. The default is that they will buy the host a gift as well l. I definitely think it's usual and expected to get something to eat and maybe one drink.

The problem with hosting in a pub is that that it's very expensive to pay for people. I prefer to do it at home and then I can bulk buy food and drink. Most people still turn up with bottles but at least they're fed and they get at least a few drinks from me. Also no presents ideally.

So people that cant afford the costs of a party should just stay home?
Poor people arent allowed to have fun. Only those who can afford it

No one is saying this. One way would be to own it ahead of time and say 'have your tea before you come because I've not catered'. At least then people know to eat beforehand

We’re throwing a party for my parents anniversary in a church hall that has a (cheap) bar. We’re providing a well-stocked cold buffet (including desserts and cake) and there’ll be a disco. We can’t afford to buy everyone a drink but I think that’s okay.

if I throw a party at home I always provide food and drinks…

It's not a party without a buffet. It just isn't. You can do one on the cheap, frozen cocktail sausage rolls, little triangular butties in white and brown with cheese, ham and another filling, a few value quiches cut into eight, coleslaw (HM is cheaper and nicer if you have the time and a shredder), some cold salad potatoes, some Branston, pickled onions, a hedgehog if you can be arsed, a few smoked sausages cut into chunks, value crisps. Not the worlds greatest spread, of course but it doesn't have to cost too much (apart from time) and nobody cares once they've had a few drinks. Would never expect a free bar or even one free drink but no buffet is a pretty poor show.

No I said I would have expected at least some food and yes every time we've hosted we've paid for everything,we don't expect others to do the same in return but I would expect to be told beforehand because there would be nothing worse than someone turning up with a gift but no spare cash and finding out once they were there nothing had been provided, we've seen that happen before and the hosts thought it was fine we didn't and we paid for food and some drinks for the poor sods that were too skint to be able to pay for food whilst there on top of the cost of the gift and getting there.

I would expect some sort of food at a party but would expect to buy my own drinks. I've been to a range of different parties and there has been food at them all. My friends and family wouldn't dream of not putting on some sort of buffet.

I would assume if it was an engagement party where you bring a gift there would be some drinks provided and a little bit of food.
It comes down to the wording on the invitation. Otherwise it still just joining the couple for a drink.

Try reading again. They said they didn't want presents but if people did want to give them anything then vouchers would be appreciated. Their guests chose to give them cash.

I am not from the UK, so this is probably cultural. But I attended a few parties, where the food was not provided (not even nibbles), but there was expectation of gifts. I always found it weird, because where I am from (EU country), it would be considered rude to host a party without hospitality - food & drinks are always provided.

I don't judge people for not providing those things at their parties, but I would mention it on the invites. If you are paying for the room and no food / drinks, but also expecting gifts, then it should say so on the invite so people can have some food beforehand.

I think YANBU. The definition of a party for me is that there will be something provided. Food? Some drink? A dj?

Even if a party is being hosted at a house I'd still bring my own drinks! I wouldn't actually expect food especially if there was a bar. I'd just be grateful for the invite 🤯.

Should have slaughtered a goat. What is the world coming to?

So people that cant afford the costs of a party should just stay home?
Poor people arent allowed to have fun.
Only those who can afford it.
I never get these sort of responses because it seems to suggest that most people (who are on lower to average incomes) can't afford to get some oven party food, nibbles and some crisps, on a thread when they have been able to afford to hire a function room in a pub. Most engagement parties I've been to have been a hall at the local WMC, an inexpensive buffet and then everyone buys their own drinks.

Maybe not free drinks all night but maybe glass of fizz handed out on trays as you arrive. Food is important so think a buffet should be provided. Selection of triangle butties, olives, caper berries, meats, cheese selection, crusty bread, oils etc cup cakes for dessert perhaps

Obviously a party should have some sort of spread or offering. Otherwise it's not a party, it's just joining people for a drink at the same time. I would be bemused to turn up at a party where I had to pay for my own food. Bit tight not to do a few drinks too.

And if their home is a one bed flat or a two bed terrace with limited garden? Not everyone has a home large enough to host family and friends.

I’ve asked friends to come for a birthday meal and or drinks, I would expect they pay for themselves - but I’d never frame it as a ‘party’.

Not reading 7 pages but I think YANBU. By all means invite people for a drink and say 'food available to order at the bar' but don't call it a party if you're not really hosting.

Or you could have a party in a park, at your home, at your parent's home, a friend's home, where a couple of pizza's and a 12 pack would suffice, or ask everyone for a potluck. The possibilities are endless, unless you like the public attention one can get at a bar and people around will think, "Wow! They are doing it up!". What purpose is it to have it at a bar if you aren't providing anything for it? How do people feel if they have it at a bar and 4 people show up because the others don't want to spend $50 to say "Congratulations on your engagement"?

That is what most celebrations do when at a pub/bar/restaurant. I would never want my drinks paid for, but some kind of food is usually on the table (so to speak). If not, then have it in a park, a home, a backyard and keep it casual. Why have it in a bar and expect your guests to pay big bucks for food along with their drink and call it a party? It's just a "come out and celebrate with us. We'll be at Cheers, so stop off, buy a drink and toast us and our new journey!". Then people know what to expect.

I was invited to a restaurant to celebrate a friend and her DH's anniversary. We knew going in (as it was made clear), that it was a bunch of people meeting up and having dinner together, with each couple paying for themselves. Making it clear solves all problems. I was also invited to a bar/restaurant for a 30th BD party and the invite said, "Buffet provided. Cash bar." No misunderstandings either time and everyone had a blast both times.

Stop being dramatic. No Oscars are going to be awarded here.

No one is saying it all has to be accommodated, but if you call it a party, the expectations are different from if you say "stop by and have a drink to celebrate".

Some of these MNers are the ones who send out wedding invites with instructions that tell the attendees that they need to spend a minimum of $250/each to help pay for the lavish wedding they want but cannot afford. Or "tiered" wedding invites where if you "give" them $1000, you get beef tenderloin and if you "give" $250, you get chicken nuggets. Anything less, please send along, but please stay home.

I get not having an open bar but there has to be plenty of food.

Even with my small housewarming years ago I provided lots of food and quite a bit of booze. Otherwise it's not a party.

When you have a party at a wmc it’s not the done thing to have fizz on arrival 😁

The two don’t go together…

But a disco/band and a buffet/decorated room is usually the done thing.

Some people put money behind the bar too to cover first drinks.

We’re not doing that because we can’t afford to but we’re spending £500 on room hire, disco, buffet…

When you have a party at a wmc it’s not the done thing to have fizz on arrival 😁

The two don’t go together…

But a disco/band and a buffet/decorated room is usually the done thing.
Glad it's not just me who is used to WMC, reasonably priced drinks and a bit of a buffet.

Sometimes I think expectations are what matters.

I'd not expect any drinks or food provided if a friend invited us for birthday drinks, oor to meet down the pub to celebrate their engagement, but neither of those things are a party to me. I'd also happily attend pot lucks and gatherings in people's houses and bring a dish and some drinks. None of those are parties though and if someone is hosting a party it suggests they're actually going to host in some way.

@LolaSmiles
I agree with you.Surely hosting means something other than sending out invites.