To NOT pick my DP up from the pub?

[Coraldeo]

I’m 21 weeks pregnant. DP has been playing golf today, then went to a local pub (10 minutes walk), which I dropped him to. I’ve been swimming with the kids (his two teenagers, my older child), taken them for lunch, got my hair done, come back and put the older child to bed.

I’ve put a late night snack in the oven, got my pyjamas and a movie on. Suffering with heartburn which has been common this pregnancy and obviously really tired.

DP texts me asking for a lift. He’s gone to another pub, so he’s now a 30 minute walk away, which is 10 minutes in the car. I said, I’m tired, have heartburn, I’ve put food in the oven and I just want to relax. He’s now calling me selfish, lazy and saying he’d have picked me up.

AIBU?

@ChopperC110P you would be massively entitled to get your tired, pregnant neighbour who is suffering from heartburn to leave her house late at on a Saturday night to save you a 30 mins walk from the pub.

Well obviously if you feel like an unpaid au pair when taking care of your own children, you don’t exactly like them or want to be around them. And if you’re viewing your partner as having “palmed them off” on you, that means you’ve been forced to accept children you do not want and have no value to you. You wrote it. Perhaps my use of “child hate” is a bit strong, but how else would one describe someone who feels that way when around their own children?

Oh yes because we all know that when it’s about he should walk it’s a pleasant spring evening where it’s still light out and only a half hour, but when it’s give him a lift we get told it’s late at night and that pregnancy with heartburn makes you unsafe to drive for 10mins and shock gasp she’s already in her PJs, you can’t drive in PJs how unseemly.

You do know that a 10min drive is usually closer to an hours walk? Even on backroads at 60mph, 10 mins is 6 miles. You can’t walk 6 miles in half an hour.

The poster below suggesting @ChopperC110P is the ops partner has nailed it.
Otherwise they have a very narrow mind (they have anyway) and a very weird obsession with this thread.

As a rule of thumb, if you meet a divorced middle aged man with kids, the chance is fairly high that it was their wife initiating the divorce, and it's because they are selfish. They might not be, but id start from that place.

I think if she wasn’t pregnant and knackered I’d be more on team dh, but as she is, I think dh and us should give her some more slack.

I haven't read your 'bible' but it's an anonymous forum and there's no law against you saying you're a woman if you wish. Or indeed against me saying I'm a man. Or a woman. Or a cat. Or the Eiffel tower. Whether we're believed or not is a different matter.

More like you are all obsessed with challenging my minority opinion on the situation. You just can’t stand to see anyone who disagrees with you, to the point you’d resort to saying I’m a man or the OPs partner (as if!).

That’s the real narrow mindedness.

I don’t have a Bible. You’re the one quoting from the TRA Bible.

My thoughts as well.

I get that sometimes teenagers are there under duty, rather than desire. But dad shouldn't be buggering off all day, even so.

@ChopperC110P

The ‘you are whatever you say you are’ is right from the TRA Bible. If you say you are a man or woman, then that is what you are. The poster saying that to me has to be a TRA if they think a man can simply say they are a woman.

They're saying the opposite of that 😂

They were very clearly being sarcastic when they said "Of course you are mate. You're whatever you say you are. 😂"

The sarcasm was due to the fact anyone can say they are anything.

That was their whole point but it seemed to go over your head for some reason.

I can't care less if you agree with me or not @ChopperC110P, as I'm sure the other posters on here would say too, yours isn't an opinion I place any value on.

The old sarcasm chestnut. Still my point stands the only type of person who seriously thinks that a woman cannot think certain things or hold certain opinions is a TRA. And that poster clearly thinks that my opinion is impossible to be held by a woman, why else would they allege I am not a woman?

Seriously?

You missed the part where she's been part of my life for 40 years, & reckon you are qualified to tell me I dislike my beloved SDD?

Or are unable to understand that other people are able to hold more than one concept in their head simultaneously, & accept nuances without intolerant black & white thinking?

Yes, my SDD's father palmed her off on me on many occasions. Expected me to provide the vehicle & pay for the fuel to collect her when he could be bothered to honour his access 'commitments'. He's a lazy, selfish shit, & I saw the light & divorced him years ago.

Nobody forced me to accept my SDD.
Why are you claiming I did not want her?
How dare you describe her as having no value to me?
I jettisoned her prize shit of a father 15 years ago.
She stuck around. I see even more of her now her deadbeat dad's no longer in my life. I'm Grandma Ferret to her delightful DD.

Diss my relationship with my darling DSS one more time why don't you?
Then PP will see proof positive that you are motivated solely by a wish to character-assassinate anyone who disagrees with your dickpandering notions of how a pregnant woman should be treated by her DP.

Perhaps my use of “child hate” is a bit strong, but how else would one describe someone who feels that way when around their own children?
Oh - & btw, my SDD is not my child. She has 2 live bio parents. She chose me. Just like I chose her, over 4 decades ago. And stuck with her, despite her arse of a father.
Still wanna call me a child hater? I'll alert the mods next time you do. Now kindly sod off.

Evidently you do, because you have put forth much effort towards tearing me and my opinion down. You may say you don’t care, but your posting pattern says otherwise.

@ChopperC110P

The old sarcasm chestnut.

Eh? They were very clearly being sarcastic... if you missed it, you missed it. But it was pretty obvious so they were saying the complete opposite of what you then accused them of saying.

So you do have a TRA Bible?

😂

We don't know the whole background/dynamic here for this family so many here are projecting their own circumstances onto the OPs problem. Perhaps OP can come back and clarify at some point?

@Coraldeo I think a discussion over communication and expectations is needed as you were both expecting different things from each other based on past experiences with each other. Things have changed (how you are feeling now you are pregnant) so you need to explain to each other what you can and can't do.

Personally I would feel very unhappy with being called lazy after a full day like you had, but I expect this may be frustration and venting whilst having been on the drink. I hope DH apologises for that.

Look up the meaning of “palmed off” you used that term it literally means being forced to accept something or someone you do not want and has no value to you. You said it. Now you’re claiming I’m character assassinating you for pointing out the meaning of your own words? Pfft, own what you said.

The old sarcasm chestnut. Still my point stands the only type of person who seriously thinks that a woman cannot think certain things or hold certain opinions is a TRA. And that poster clearly thinks that my opinion is impossible to be held by a woman, why else would they allege I am not a woman?

I think you'll find, if you pause for breath & a little logic injection, that there are millions of non-TRA people who seriously think that a woman cannot think certain things or hold certain opinions.
They are called misogynistic men.
You'll be asking PP to believe you've never met one of those, next.

🤣🤣 As if misogynistic men spend any time thinking on what women think or our opinions. That’s the whole point of misogyny, womens opinions do not matter. Even our consent does not matter. Of all the things you could have come up with to justify calling me a man this is the silliest.

Any further discourse on this is futile as we are not being very civil. I have an opinion that you loathe, get over it. Sayonara.

Man has spoken everyone. That's sorted then.

🤣

Look up the meaning of “palmed off” you used that term it literally means being forced to accept something or someone you do not want and has no value to you. You said it. Now you’re claiming I’m character assassinating you for pointing out the meaning of your own words? Pfft, own what you said.

It's already owned @ChopperC110P
That's why I said it.

Unlike some PP, I'm capable of experiencing more than one emotion & concept at a time.
Did SDD's dad palm her off on me? Yes, he did.
Did I resent him & start to think less of him for it? Yes, I did.
Did I wonder why he let his kid down time & again by swanning off for band practice & pub crawls on the rare weekends she was able to see her own dad? Yes, I did.

Does that mean I didn't want her, & she had no value to me? Of course it fucking didn't you pedantic loon.
Or why would she still be a huge part of my life, 15 years later?
Lend me your considered expertise on my life - explain to me why my darling SDD is the sole beneficialy of my Will? I must really, REALLY hate her, not want her, & perceive no value in her ... yeah, that sounds logical.

Mate, your attempt to create false teaming of offensive misogynists and GC women by simultaneously presenting as both is painfully transparent. As is your attempt to shoe horn trans issues into an unrelated thread. Try harder.