my partners smell is really getting me down

[gjkufbb]

Just that really. We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene. It doesn't seem to sink in.
I don't think he's depressed, he only showers once a week - if I'm lucky. He has terrible breath even if he brushed his teeth twice a day and I'm not sure why it's so bad.

I don't want to be near him and I feel awful about it. We have a great relationship otherwise. Genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Am I unreasonable if I'm brutally honest with him and tell him it's getting to me this much? Or should I just suck it up 😣

An electric toothbrush is better too. But if his breath stinks maybe he needs to see a dentist- we should go regularly anyway.

Or maybe he's lying about brushing his teeth?

TBF I've gone through stages when the thought of showering really upset me. The idea of stipping naked, standing in the water, touching my own body really upset me. Perhaps he does have a mental blocker that he's worried to admit?

It's laziness. No excuse in my opinion. Set an alarm for him everyday at the same time, e.g 7:30am and tell him he has to have a shower.

Sometimes ASD is a blessing I told then DP "ew you stink"

Just tell him. When my partner or I have had a sweaty day, or eaten something strong, and are a bit stinky, we say, ‘babe, you smell - go and shower/brush your teeth.’ Then we do it. No big deal. It’s just polite to be hygienic and fragrant for your intimate partner.

If his oral hygiene is bad it’s likely he needs to see a hygienist at the detail surgery. Brushing won’t change anything if it’s too far gone. Plaque build up, etc.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this. It sounds grim. He might not be depressed but there is obviously something going on mentally. X

Given you've talked to him about it before I can only assume he wants to end the relationship but doesn't have the courage so is pushing you to do it by being as gross as possible.

Not unreasonable at all. Whenever I meet people in a relationship who stink, I never understand why they are not told by their partner. It’s gross. Tell him. It’s your duty to tell him, if he doesn’t change leave. He must know though: Ugh.

I think he sounds depressed and try to talk to him to see his gp is the first step and take it from there. It does sound as if he is very low and maybe talking will help him to open up.

I had major abdominal surgery 9 days ago. I showered every day even in hospital with my drains and my catheter because I needed that for my physical and mental well-being.

If he is having severe MH problems, a daily shower etc can be the start of the turn around

My ex was the same and things never improved. I told him about the smell, so did his family members but he never changed, he improved for a little while but very quickly slipped into bad habits. Like with your DP one of the things that first attracted him to me was how he smelled nice and took care of himself. Turns out he only looked after himself when he wanted to date according to a mutual friend.

Hygiene is something so basic OP, don't compromise on it. Find someone who respects you enough to take basic care of themselves. I have two DS's now who do try to soap dodge, I can't imagine dealing with it when the other parent doesn't see the importance of washing themselves.

It's one way of ending the relationship without him being the bad guy

We have a lot going on. We started our own business. Usually daily life stress. I've been struggling really badly with my mental health throughout this pregnancy but still take care of myself.
Like to look nice and feel presentable. I think the lack of routine is definitely along the right lines. He can shower for a day or two then just can't be bothered anymore.
Which happens in basically everything I ask him to do. I can't walk the dogs atm I've asked him to do it. Lasted two days.
Argh so frustrating!

I used to work with someone who smelled really bad, had greasy hair and dirty clothes. The manager had a chat with her as people were starting to complain. Turns out she had experienced some really upsetting loss in her life ( several miscarriage's and a stillbirth) and had just lost all hope. She just about managed to get into work but that was it. Personally I would try not to get too angry or say anything unkind. If your partner is feeling down he needs support not further criticism. Write him a letter. That way you can say everything calmly and without any conflict.

Why keep
Posting about it, you clearly are not prepared to deal with the problem.

I think you have an older kid too? They're having to put up with living with someone who stinks because they don't give a shit enough to wash themselves to make life more pleasant for the rest of the household.

It's so bad you have to roll a window down. I mean bloody hell it sounds horrific and your other child is living with this too. Please remember this when you're speaking to him later.

It's not just him inflicting this on you, it's you both inflicting it on your other child.

If his breath smells after brushing his teeth he probably needs a root canal

If he is having severe MH problems, a daily shower etc can be the start of the turn around

Absolutely, I feel so much more energetic and able to start doing something after.

No sex but pregnant?

Is it him down. He changes (showers every day) or he's out.

Fucking gross.

And to be clear, this isn't just about the hygiene thing - I'm disgusted by his general attitude towards you on other threads. You were pregnant and very ill and he watched you do all the cleaning rather than proactively doing it or even helping you.

You've spoken before, given ultimatums, begged him to do various things and the most he does is be a bit better for a couple of days to appease you and then go back to doing what he wants, when he wants, however that makes you feel.

This man is not a good role model for your kids because he is not kind to you, doesn't want to work as a team and absolutely sees cooking, cleaning, childcare and general life admin as your remit because you have a vagina.

He's an arsehole OP, who will never change.

I was going to be sympathetic, but you've had numerous talks in the past about his hygiene and you've still had sex with him and gotten pregnant. This is unfortunately you having low standards OP. You need to make it clear that it's unacceptable. He has zero respect for you and you've enabled this behaviour.