Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my partners smell is really getting me down

189 replies

gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 18:46

Just that really. We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene. It doesn't seem to sink in.
I don't think he's depressed, he only showers once a week - if I'm lucky. He has terrible breath even if he brushed his teeth twice a day and I'm not sure why it's so bad.

I don't want to be near him and I feel awful about it. We have a great relationship otherwise. Genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Am I unreasonable if I'm brutally honest with him and tell him it's getting to me this much? Or should I just suck it up 😣

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 29/04/2023 19:44

Just that really. We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene. It doesn't seem to sink in.

"I have asked you numerous times to wash and brush your teeth. I'm ending this relationship because, quite frankly, you smell, you disrespect me and I don't fancy you any more because your personal hygiene is woeful and not normal." is all you need to say.

Takemehome7 · 29/04/2023 19:48

LouBaloo · 29/04/2023 18:52

Leave. I have no idea why people choose to stay with someone who only showers once a week. Jesus the house must stink as well with him in it.

Oh for goodness sake.

This is the kind of issue that is totally solvable with better communication.

I hate how readily everyone on MN says "LTB!!!!!" In a lifelong relationship you're going to encounter MUCH bigger issues than this. You can't just tell people to "leave" at every single thing.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/04/2023 19:50

If you can’t be honest and tell your partner of 4 years that they stink then I’m not giving your relationship great odds anyway.

I had a chat with mine very early on in our relationship that I need him to be honest if there’s something I need to know. Do I look ridiculous in an outfit, do I stink, do I have a bit of food stuck in my teeth, etc. I do the same for him… that sweatshirt is starting to smell, that shirt is too tight, your eyebrows need trimmed.

None of this is said in a mean way…just matter-of-fact information that the other needs. Ok I do kid him about his eyebrows tapping me on the shoulder but he makes the same joke so I think we’re ok.

RunningRunningRunningRunningRunning · 29/04/2023 19:53

You've only been together 4 years and aren't even married ew ew ew. I'd be thinking of ending it, you shouldn't be grossed out by your bf and have a none existent sex life after 4 years, i mean you shouldnt be grossed out fullstop. He might be nice but he's meant to be your boyfriend not your smelly housemate. Get rid.

Myonlysunshine123 · 29/04/2023 19:56

I tell my OH if he has morning breath and honestly wont have a kiss if its rank. If you are partners you should be able to tell him. Like if I come home from work and I'm a bit sweaty he'll say ew you stink, and I would do the same. Its offensive to be smelly. I tell my kids too

MeridianB · 29/04/2023 19:58

I’m really not sure how you can stand it. And it will present horrible hygiene risks for a newborn. You both deserve so much better.

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:02

I'm a really lazy person so I feel daunted before I go for a shower.

But I put all the soap on by the sink before I go in and then just go in to wash it off. It only takes a few minutes.

Let us know how you get on @gjkufbb .

You could even say 'I used to really love your smell when you used to shower regularly, but now you don't shower every day, it's a real turn off. If you shower every day I might eventually feel like sex with you again.'

RampantIvy · 29/04/2023 20:03

This is the kind of issue that is totally solvable with better communication.

The OP has had several discussions with stinkypoo about his personal hygiene. Its in the OP @Takemehome7 - We've had numerous chats in the past about personal hygiene.

What do you suggest?

thecathasbeenfed · 29/04/2023 20:08

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:02

I'm a really lazy person so I feel daunted before I go for a shower.

But I put all the soap on by the sink before I go in and then just go in to wash it off. It only takes a few minutes.

Let us know how you get on @gjkufbb .

You could even say 'I used to really love your smell when you used to shower regularly, but now you don't shower every day, it's a real turn off. If you shower every day I might eventually feel like sex with you again.'

Do you not need to be wet first for the soap to lather up? Not critiquing just genuinely interested!

OldFan · 29/04/2023 20:09

The soap is slightly damp or I maybe will dampen the soap a bit. Smile

AxolotlOnions · 29/04/2023 20:10

The reason that brushing his teeth doesn't stop his breath smelling is because his teeth are rotting. Brushing your teeth removes rotten debris, if it's your teeth that are rotting no amount of brushing can remove that. He needs to see a dentist.

roseotter · 29/04/2023 20:12

Unless there’s a huge drip feed here (around special needs, or poverty) showering once a week is disgusting. It indicates a serious mental health issue OP… are they displaying any other symptoms of a mental crisis?

carly2803 · 29/04/2023 20:12

do you have kids together?

leave. he sounds vile

blueshoes · 29/04/2023 20:15

HotPenguin · 29/04/2023 18:50

Does he work? Surely he can't go to a job smelling like that? Yanbu!

OP, does he work? You have not answered this question.

Whochangedmynamec · 29/04/2023 20:18

You can have a friendly and genuine chat. It’s possible to say anything nicely if you try hard enough.

Failing that” get in the shower stink arse”

Merangutan · 29/04/2023 20:18

The breath could be lack of flossing, lack of tongue brushing or - most likely - tonsil stones.

You don’t have to remain with someone who is so unhygienic it makes you feel a bit queasy. You’re a partner, not a carer.

inadarkdarkhouseinadarkdarkstreet · 29/04/2023 20:25

If you are keen for the relationship to survive you have to be firm, now. If this behaviour is down to eccentricity, it will likely get worse with age. I have a relative like this, they think washing is terrible for the skin and everyone is far too clean these days. I think they have one bath a week, and I may be overestimating. It's obvious when they're post day two of bathing.😷

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/04/2023 20:25

Why on earth would you suck it up? No one wants to be with someone who shows no consideration for them. I’d give him an ultimatum - start washing daily and go to the dentist (It’ll be a gum or tooth infection), or you’re out.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/04/2023 20:29

When DH and I first moved in together I realised that he didn't shower as much as I did because he claimed he didn't smell. Admittedly he wasn't as stinky as some men I've met, but after 2 days with no shower he was ripe.
We had a really frank conversation and I said that basically if he couldn't sort it out I would leave. I still call him out if he's skipped brushing his teeth or something and won't let him near me until he sorts it.

FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:33

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:34

Yes he works, we work together. And we have a child on the way. Not as easy as LTB. I'm going to sit him down tonight and be brutally honest. It's really bothering me today couldn't even be in the car without the window down 😣

OP posts:
Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:35

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

Thank you! I'll definitely give them a look

OP posts:
FacebookFun · 29/04/2023 20:38

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

HVPRN · 29/04/2023 20:39

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

I was thinking this!

Original poster
gjkufbb · 29/04/2023 20:39

He doesn't give an excuse. Just says yeah I know, sorry I'll be better... then doesn't. I think it's just laziness if I'm honest

OP posts: