Furious with ex over taking ds to concert - should I say something?

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DS likes a band who have never toured in the UK. Tickets went on sale for two dates today. By the time I looked after work I could only find tickets costing upwards of £200 each - we'd need 2. This was completely out of the question. Ds was also looking and he found the same. Also, I realised that it would be difficult for us to get there anyway as we are 2 hours from London so it would be extremely tight in a school night - it's a Friday and ds will be Y10 and doors open at 6.30pm.

DS is at his dad's tonight and has just messaged to say ex has got him tickets. I am livid. Ex pays no CM as his income is too low. He is definitely not a high earner but had a large inheritance a year ago and may therefore have funds, but none come dc's way. We have been apart 10 years and he has never paid anything and buys nothing for the dc ever, even when he came into his inheritance. To give an example, ds recently asked him for some trousers when staying there as he had none and ex refused as 'you have plenty of clothes at your mum's.'

DC are with ex 4 nights per fortnight and he pays for nothing but their food when there - and even then they come home saying they are starving and complaining there are no snacks there.

Ex has not run this concert by me and has presumably spent about £500 on tickets. He's never spent anything like this before on either child, not in 10 years. Meanwhile I'm paying out constantly for trips, clothes, prom, phones, social life...the list goes on, all on a teacher's wage. Also saving for dc's uni and to give ex £10 000 of marital assets when ds turns 21. Ex is also quite likely to have a gig on the day in question and then what? It'll be on me to get ds there and I don't think I can.

I'm so cross and really want to confront him and tell him how wrong this is. AIBU to think if he has money of this kind spare he should be contributing and this is a piss take. I really want to tell him this. Should I?

Fortunately and thankfully I am not a man.

He bought DS something you couldn’t afford.

Do not see this as a negative, look at it like so he absolutely should pay out for something.

My ex does not see my DD or pay anything.
If he bought her something like this I would be happy for her that she got to go.

I would say DS has an appointment and needs to leave school early (yes I’m a teacher).

No it’s not fair on the other child but I’d encourage that child to ask for something bigger for his birthday and see if he gets it.

If this is very rare for him then I wonder if it’s a band he likes and he’s planning on going too!

You think because you pay for some activities for your children it means you are not an arsehole when you're being petty towards their mother? Because that's all it is - pettiness. Pettiness and controlling. She's not asking for extra money, it wouldn't cost you anything extra. You're just saying no because you can. To punish her.

Just us feminazis then!

He sounds a complete arsehole and I can see why you’re annoyed.

But as there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s probably best just to be happy for DS that he gets to go.

Haha yes or MRAs depending on who we upset.

What if he doesn't have the extra money? An employer wouldn't pay you early just because you need something earlier than pay day.

Why do you think she lied to them? Was she struggling for money? Because if you were sending her less on the due date because you'd already sent her money earlier to cover an emergency, then obviously she'll struggle for the rest of the month because there is less money.

For example, say CM is £200 a month and say it costs £200 to feed, house and clothe your children. Then one month the cooker breaks down. So you send her £100 early to repair the cooker. Then you send her the remaining £100 CM on the due date. That means she only has £100 to feed, house and clothe your children that month. Which means they will suffer. Or means she has to go begging somewhere and have to tell them she only has £100 CM this month to feed, house and clothe the children. Understand?

Meanwhile, good fathers, if they can afford it, would give the mothers of their children £100 to repair the cooker because it's for the benefit of the children.

Someone who has to rely on CM to get by when something breaks is not someone with much money. You weren't making her life any easier by loaning her money. You don't get points for that.

He called £500 a "small sum". I'd say he has money.

And actually a lot of employers do give advances for emergencies. Some even let you pay it back over a number of months rather than leave you cripplingly short at the end of the month.

I can completely understand why you're so pissed off.
I'd be very clearly telling your son that you won't be able to take him to the concert.

He should be paying maintenance, but he does not have to run buying concert tickets by you. He doesn’t have to run anything by you.

Have you checked with solicitor/Court that the debt of child maintenance could be offset against the £10k you need to give him when last child turn 21 (I think you said 21).....

Ignore the thread derail Op by men who make it All About Them.

I am in the same boat as you. It is very hard and I really sympathise. Exh contributes just about nothing ( limited company, no involvement in thr day to day grind) but is suddenly Superdad with flashy gifts which I can’t afford.

it is so hard, but you’ve had really wise advice here. Rise above it, don’t give EXH the opportunity to paint you as bad guy. Grit your teeth, say ‘that’s nice son, have a great time’ and make it clear that arrangements are on dad.

vent your own resentment about his twattishness on here or to friends and family.

it is very unfair. You’re right. But all will come good in the years ahead. Stay calm, gracious and loving, and that’s what your DCs will remember. They will see their father for what he is, further down thr road. Bite your tongue now, and reap the rewards in thr years to come.

He’ll be expecting his dad to take him surely? OP has other dc to look after.

How is any of this helpful to OP? Hex pays zero maintenance.

But I thought he took the other child to the cricket a few times, surely this would be evening it out?

OP said he hasn’t taken other child to cricket in years.

I get the impression others think he is taking his son to a concert, but I think it's you who is taking him daddy just nought the tickets so if he is not taking your son to the concert and expects you to, then yes he should have ran it passed you.

You should be glad he's your ex. He sounds pretty awful. I agree with you. If he's treating him then he should be including all expenses incl. travel and not roping you in to help out. I'm also hoping he's also bought gifts for your other kids too.