Furious with ex over taking ds to concert - should I say something?

[pinotnow]

DS likes a band who have never toured in the UK. Tickets went on sale for two dates today. By the time I looked after work I could only find tickets costing upwards of £200 each - we'd need 2. This was completely out of the question. Ds was also looking and he found the same. Also, I realised that it would be difficult for us to get there anyway as we are 2 hours from London so it would be extremely tight in a school night - it's a Friday and ds will be Y10 and doors open at 6.30pm.

DS is at his dad's tonight and has just messaged to say ex has got him tickets. I am livid. Ex pays no CM as his income is too low. He is definitely not a high earner but had a large inheritance a year ago and may therefore have funds, but none come dc's way. We have been apart 10 years and he has never paid anything and buys nothing for the dc ever, even when he came into his inheritance. To give an example, ds recently asked him for some trousers when staying there as he had none and ex refused as 'you have plenty of clothes at your mum's.'

DC are with ex 4 nights per fortnight and he pays for nothing but their food when there - and even then they come home saying they are starving and complaining there are no snacks there.

Ex has not run this concert by me and has presumably spent about £500 on tickets. He's never spent anything like this before on either child, not in 10 years. Meanwhile I'm paying out constantly for trips, clothes, prom, phones, social life...the list goes on, all on a teacher's wage. Also saving for dc's uni and to give ex £10 000 of marital assets when ds turns 21. Ex is also quite likely to have a gig on the day in question and then what? It'll be on me to get ds there and I don't think I can.

I'm so cross and really want to confront him and tell him how wrong this is. AIBU to think if he has money of this kind spare he should be contributing and this is a piss take. I really want to tell him this. Should I?

Be angry about the trousers. But that's a separate issue to these tickets. Don't spend energy and time being angry about this, it's not worth the emotional cost to you.

I would say you did more than your fair share of merailing @Mikex

Their power is simply draconian to anyone with even a small amount of money and savings

ahahahahahhaahahahahahahahahah

Seconded.

I don't agree your were abused.

Have a think what it might mean.

(just to point out to @MrsTerryPratchett that "feminazis" are so last year. We're Feminazgûl now.)

OP it sounds shit, i would be raging. However. I would be being clear to DS and dx that there will be no skipping school and you are unavailable to help so if ex can't make adequate arrangements the gig is a no.
Is there any way you can summarise everything, inheritance, cancelled overnights etc in one last document to the CMS? and try to get the 10k adjusted to 0?
(sorry to ask tho: which band is it?)

mate, nobody on this thread has been abused by anyone.

am amused by the term "merailing" must note it

For someone who is on a thread about Child Maintenance to think CM means cervical mucous is a bit peculiar.

You are projecting your (rightful) anger at concert tickets.
Your ex is a prick and nobody would say other but honestly Do Not Ruin This Moment for your child.

Nobody has suggested it is all good. Nobody thinks he is a great dad. I have not seen anyone say the concert is a good idea. People are just saying that you need to stay calm. You cannot control this. You could possibly destroy it for your child, but you cannot change your tosser of an ex.

Your children know who supports them, who raises them. They know who says no to trousers. They do appreciate it.

It is infuriating, I get it. But I don't see you making any difference, no matter what you say. So I would caution not to put a dampener on it for your son.

You will not be teaching that school is optional, it that siblings should be treated unequally things by letting him go though. If you do not let him, you will be the loser, because you will be the baddy. He will not learn that school is not optional, and if the sibling thing is mentioned, the sibling may bear some of the wrath. Most of the wrath will be for you though. You will be what stopped him, even though his wonderful dad bought him tickets.

Dear Mike,

I apologise for hurting and offending you by agreeing that you are an arsehole without even having to meet you. That was unladylike of me. I do hope you can heal from this and move on so that this thread can get back on track.

Kind wishes,
BadNomad

if you can't tell the difference between abuse and robust discussion, that's on you. Are you new here? We've been discussing netiquette elsewhere here today: you need to get a feeling for a forum before you post. And even within a forum, such as here in AIBU, there can be other unwritten conventions. AIBU is Robust.

But stomping all over a thread by a woman who gets no support from the deadbeat dad of her kids with how great you are and how shit your ex is, is really bad form. So Robust it is.

(just to point out to @MrsTerryPratchett that "feminazis" are so last year. We're Feminazgûl now.)

Oooo I can definitely get on that train @Brefugee

I do like their aesthetic. I can imagine a Style and Beauty/FWR collaboration. "Is this helmet a bit OTT?".

it's been my twitter handle for a while 😁

Why cant the other dc use the other ticket if there is such a big concern about equal treatment?

Or why cant the kid and his friend travel to the concert by themselves?

My friends and I were travelling to party in the park, Wembley etc from around 14

Thanks all - this has helped (well, most of it has...) and I won't do anything to spoil it for ds. If it does turn out that ex is unavailable on the day that will be an issue as I won't be able to get time off for this so I have to really hope that doesn't happen I suppose. I'd say it's a 50/50 chance on past experience. Apparently they are also staying overnight which I know is really expensive to do now. With the train I'd say he must be spending at least £500 on this one thing which I think is a ridiculous amount on one child and when you pay nothing for essentials, but hey...

The thing about fairness with ds1 is that ex used to take him to cricket, got him massively into it then quite abruptly stopped. Worse than that, he pretty much never attends matches that ds plays in. He started the hobby off then withdrew. It's just how he is - a bit lazy, selfish and prone to throwing himself into things then getting bored. Not bored with ds but bored with taking him to cricket. I know ds is hurt by it. It's possible he's done this concert thing to make up for all the cricket he took ds to years ago but it's years ago - that's the point, so don't think ds1 sees it that way.

As for the £10k I don't think there's anything to be done legally as we have a consent order (think that's the name) which state it's final and you can't renegotiate it etc. The only thing I can do is not pay and see if he takes me to court then pay if he clearly will. It's ridiculously unfair imo but not a lot to be done.

Oh, and I think at 14 and 16 they are too young to go to London alone from here to an event that goes on late and I believe under 18s need an adult with them. Also ds1 hates the band with a passion and it would add to the injustice for him, not make up for it!

So your kids are never going to go anywhere on their own until they are 18?

The aim of raising kids is to raise them to be independent adults

So your kids are never going to go anywhere on their own until they are 18?

Fabulous straw man created to shoot down there, well done.