Furious with ex over taking ds to concert - should I say something?

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DS likes a band who have never toured in the UK. Tickets went on sale for two dates today. By the time I looked after work I could only find tickets costing upwards of £200 each - we'd need 2. This was completely out of the question. Ds was also looking and he found the same. Also, I realised that it would be difficult for us to get there anyway as we are 2 hours from London so it would be extremely tight in a school night - it's a Friday and ds will be Y10 and doors open at 6.30pm.

DS is at his dad's tonight and has just messaged to say ex has got him tickets. I am livid. Ex pays no CM as his income is too low. He is definitely not a high earner but had a large inheritance a year ago and may therefore have funds, but none come dc's way. We have been apart 10 years and he has never paid anything and buys nothing for the dc ever, even when he came into his inheritance. To give an example, ds recently asked him for some trousers when staying there as he had none and ex refused as 'you have plenty of clothes at your mum's.'

DC are with ex 4 nights per fortnight and he pays for nothing but their food when there - and even then they come home saying they are starving and complaining there are no snacks there.

Ex has not run this concert by me and has presumably spent about £500 on tickets. He's never spent anything like this before on either child, not in 10 years. Meanwhile I'm paying out constantly for trips, clothes, prom, phones, social life...the list goes on, all on a teacher's wage. Also saving for dc's uni and to give ex £10 000 of marital assets when ds turns 21. Ex is also quite likely to have a gig on the day in question and then what? It'll be on me to get ds there and I don't think I can.

I'm so cross and really want to confront him and tell him how wrong this is. AIBU to think if he has money of this kind spare he should be contributing and this is a piss take. I really want to tell him this. Should I?

Where did you travel to Wembley from AtChoService?

You know your own kids and want to protect them which is better than the alternative! They are growing up and will let you know when they feel ok about things like travelling to London alone and you can only be there to support them. It's hard when you have a parent who dips in and out when he feels like it. Many more parents are in your shoes and feel your pain! Chin up, hope for the best and carry on being a good mum 😀

Can you have someone on standby just encase he does back out at the last minute? An uncle/auntie/god parent or someone?

I wouldn’t let a 14 year old travel
to London and attend a concert alone either…. People suggesting that are bat shit crazy!!

Your kids will soon realise your ex is literally good for nothing….
my friend has an ex that constantly lies and lets his kids down.. one realised at age 10 what a waste of space he is and hasn’t seen him for 3 years!! The others just turned 10 & is questioning things he says and does so doubt it will be long before she realises too!
i’m surprised your sons have gone this long and still see him!

As for the fairness of you giving him £10k… you agreed to that amount and signed the financial agreement order. You must’ve felt it was fair at the time or you’d have argued to give him less??
his inheritance is of no consequence to financial agreements, as annoying as it is that he has money and doesn’t help his kids… be reassured that his attitude will mean while they’re visiting you with their future wife and kids, they won’t bother with him!

I wouldn't even let my nearly 17 year old go down to London for a concert on her own.

Yeah I definitely wouldn’t let my 16 year old go alone, people really are nuts suggesting that at 14

And I’m fairly relaxed and all about independence.

I completely understand your frustration. Not only has your ex prioritised something that he knows will earn him Brownie points with your DS, rather than buying him necessities, added to the fact that there's been no conversation with you beforehand about the logistics of the event (you mentioned it will be tight getting your son there in time) makes your ex a twat. YANBU!

As for the £10k I don't think there's anything to be done legally as we have a consent order (think that's the name) which state it's final and you can't renegotiate it etc. The only thing I can do is not pay and see if he takes me to court then pay if he clearly will. It's ridiculously unfair imo but not a lot to be done.

Talk to a lawyer and find out if you stand any chance of counter suing for the inheritance nonsense. At least then a lawyer can send a letter at the time.

I’d offer him 50/50 custody. Let him pay for his children properly.