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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know it's been done to death, but I wish DH would stop WFH

322 replies

Iwrote · 28/04/2023 13:08

Anyone else in the same boat?

DH has the office and I have the dining table, but he's up and down, chatting, getting drinks, moaning, generally distracting me until I have to ask him to please leave me in peace. He doesn't do anything useful in these frequent trips, too busy to empty the dishwasher but not busy enough to not drive me nuts.
Days I don't work I pick youngest up from nursery and then have to stop her busting in on her Dad when he's on calls etc, I feel like my home isn't my own.
I wish he'd just fuck off back to the office, as least a few days a week. I know there's a commute, but I feel like I'm a woman on the edge.

OP posts:
strawberryfluff · 28/04/2023 13:10

I solves this by saying he could WFH if he wanted but at my DC's age I couldn't stop them bursting in on a Zoom call. After 2 disruptive calls and 1 massive tantrum from the toddler he started going into the office when toddler was at home :D

Writeandroll · 28/04/2023 13:13

Can you swap and you have the office, then he can only come in if your door is open

Hotfootgoose · 28/04/2023 13:16

Go out OP and work from the library, coffee shops, anywhere else for at least one day a week. You might encourage him to do this too, if he won’t go into the office

Darkchocolatekitkat · 28/04/2023 13:17

Ask to swap workspaces and shut yourself in the office, leaving him to potter downstairs. And stop keeping the toddler quiet, it’s their home and it’s no longer lockdown so Daddy has options if he finds his child bothersome.

But if you work from home it also feels a bit off to complain about him doing it - why can’t you go to an office?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/04/2023 13:18

I'd say that on your working days you have the office and he has the dining table, and on days you are off, he can use (your) the office.

Have to say though, to you and others, that I don't understand the issue with keeping kids out of a home office. It's a basic courtesy not to go into the home office if someone is in there working, and kids need to learn this. So yes, they should be stopped from going in by whoever is supervising them.

fivetriangulartrees · 28/04/2023 13:23

Mine has just started going back in on the days I WFH.😁 three years of WFH together fairly peacefully but I had recently developed the rage at the sound of him chewing.

Withnailandeye · 28/04/2023 13:25

Are you 100% home based? My husband and I just work from home on different days and there is none of these issues.

I agree with PP about children in the office though - my children are 3 & 5 and it has never been an issue to keep them out of a room they shouldn’t be in?

Withnailandeye · 28/04/2023 13:25

*are

WinterofOurDiscountTentz · 28/04/2023 13:27

YABU, in that you are going out of your way to accomodate him, when he will not do the same for you.
So stop that. Stop preventing the toddler going in to him. Walk in and take things from the room when he's busy. Shout "do you want tea" or "empty the dishwasher you lazy arse" when he's on a work call. Chat to him, distract him, do all of the things he does to you.

He will either stop it, or go back to the office, if you do it enough.

Paq · 28/04/2023 13:27

Start giving him jobs to do every time he comes out - laundry, emptying the dish washer, putting the bins out. He'll soon stop.

Spanky123 · 28/04/2023 13:29

Go back to the office yourself?

Taptap2 · 28/04/2023 13:29

I feel like it’s a form of early retirement. We are lucky we have a study each but he refuses to do any housework in between calls and I’m trying to do it all. Seems he can look at Twitter between meetings but not put a wash on. He doesn’t use the lack of commute time to exercise or do anything productive. Given the commute is 3 hours in a day he is “wasting” a lot of time.

WeWereInParis · 28/04/2023 13:36

I agree with PP about children in the office though - my children are 3 & 5 and it has never been an issue to keep them out of a room they shouldn’t be in?

I agree. When I was on mat leave I had my eldest home with my as well (she was 3) and she understood she couldn't go into the office.

I didn't make any particular effort to keep the noise down though - DH could go back to the office if it bothered him (it didn't).

I agree he shouldn't be wandering around bothering you while you're working though, OP.

Createausername1970 · 28/04/2023 13:44

If he CAN go into the office but chooses to WFH, then he has to take the rough with the smooth. And the important bit of WFH is the H - HOME, Not just his home, but your young child's home too. Why should they have a restricted routine to suit him? He has to fit in with the home routine.

Perhaps if he distracts you, you can say "I need to get on with this right now, but if you have some free time can you unload the dishwasher/peg the laundry out/hoover the stairs please?" If he gets requests to do stuff every time he comes into you, then maybe he will stop.

But definitely do not keep the kids quiet. Let them be kids in their own home. He has a choice of where to be, they don't.

RaininSummer · 28/04/2023 13:48

Off topic a but bit I find it quite odd that there is all this time between meetings. Some jobs seem to be entirely made of endless meetings. I doubt employers envisioned it as like early retirement.

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 13:50

Swap. You have the office, then he will leave you alone.

AlltheFs · 28/04/2023 13:50

DH works at home 5 days, I work at home 2 days (office for 2), we have a rule that we don’t speak in working hours unless we take lunch together. We literally pretend the other doesn’t exist.
He has a garden office, I have the dining room usually. I see him in the kitchen but otherwise we don’t interrupt.

It works really well, that bit of separation is really helpful. DH put it up himself for about £11k. Best money we have ever spent!

nomoredriving · 28/04/2023 13:51

You can go into the office on your days, my DH worked nights when DC were young, they weren't allowed to "burst in" to the bedroom when he was sleeping, so not sure the issue there.

Fandabedodgy · 28/04/2023 13:54

You need to establish boundaries and respect for each other.

Sissynova · 28/04/2023 13:59

I wish he'd just fuck off back to the office, as least a few days a week. I know there's a commute, but I feel like I'm a woman on the edge.

If it bothers you so much why don’t you work from an office?

Curiosity101 · 28/04/2023 14:04

@RaininSummer I actively try to have room between meetings. Mainly because meetings tend to create a load of information, decisions and actions. So you need time to do the work that they generate.

Doesn't sound like the OPs DH is doing that though.

OP - how about a rota on who uses the office?

A lock on the office would potentially be useful

And also noise cancelling headphones for you to block DH out. I have Jabra Evolve 75s - they're wonderful. I also have some Bose Quiet Comfort IIs on the way that I'm very excited about for use at the office and when WFH

Lcb123 · 28/04/2023 14:05

We usually alternate WFH/office so we don't annoy each other. Why don't you both do 2 days in office, if possible.

brunettemic · 28/04/2023 14:09

RaininSummer · 28/04/2023 13:48

Off topic a but bit I find it quite odd that there is all this time between meetings. Some jobs seem to be entirely made of endless meetings. I doubt employers envisioned it as like early retirement.

I’ve got 23 meetings in my calendar this week, some I lead, some I’m actively involved in and some I’m working (or maybe doing this lol) during them. It just depends on the job I guess.

KnittedCardi · 28/04/2023 14:10

I hear you OP. And on the days he has promised to go in, he is always conveniently ill. He's planning to retire too soon, god help me.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/04/2023 14:18

Sissynova · 28/04/2023 13:59

I wish he'd just fuck off back to the office, as least a few days a week. I know there's a commute, but I feel like I'm a woman on the edge.

If it bothers you so much why don’t you work from an office?

Some of us are designated home workers. I have no office I could go to and haven't had one for 16 years. OP could be the same.