Page 5 | I know it's been done to death, but I wish DH would stop WFH

Iwrote · 2023-04-28T12:08:21+00:00

Anyone else in the same boat? DH has the office and I have the dining table, but he's up and down, chatting, getting drinks, moaning, generally distracting me until I have to ask him to please leave me in peace. He doesn't do *anything* useful in these frequent trips, too busy to empty the dishwasher but not busy enough to not drive me nuts. Days I don't work I pick youngest up from nursery and then have to stop her busting in on her Dad when he's on calls etc, I feel like my home isn't my own. I wish he'd just fuck off back to the office, as least a few days a week. I know there's a commute, but I feel like I'm a woman on the edge.

Restforabit · 28/04/2023 21:11

common sense dictates that you don't leave a toddler that you're responsible for supervising unattended

It isn’t leaving a toddler unattended to go to the toilet, or to put washing away, make or respond to a quick phone call or answer the door. It’s just part of normal life.

mrsm43s · 28/04/2023 21:22

Restforabit · 28/04/2023 21:11

common sense dictates that you don't leave a toddler that you're responsible for supervising unattended

It isn’t leaving a toddler unattended to go to the toilet, or to put washing away, make or respond to a quick phone call or answer the door. It’s just part of normal life.

Ok, we'll have to agree to disagree with that, my toddlers were never allowed to roam upstairs and down unsupervised - they would have been within my eyesight and supervised at all times if not behind a stairgate and/or sleeping.

But if I agree that if it is normal family life in that house, then if it doesn't suit the person working from home, then the onus is on the home worker to find somewhere else to work.

AlphabetSue · 28/04/2023 21:25

mrsm43s · 28/04/2023 21:09

No, absolutely not. That's basically the opposite of what I'm saying.

Common sense dictates that he should close and lock his door when on a work call, (equally common sense dictates that you don't leave a toddler that you're responsible for supervising unattended). But, if he finds that home is not a suitable work environment because of normal activities of the other family members (including the toddler), then the onus on him is to find somewhere else to work.

Show quote history

Fair enough, I agree with this.

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 22:08

@Iwrote

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. There's always people on these threads that say 'how come women can do what they want in their homes when they want?' and 'how come women should be allowed to stay at home but their men can't?' ...... blah blah blah yadda yadda?!

Basically, the long and short of it is when women are at home, they just tootle about and do their thing, tidy up, prep for dinner, do some cleaning, do some washing and ironing and home admin or childcare. AND/OR they'll do their 'work from home,' job. They do it peacefully and quietly and without fuss or drama.

When men are at home, whether they are just on days off, or are off sick, or whether they are working from home, they completely dominate the airspace, the home, every single room, and the atmosphere. As people have said, they expect the whole of the family: (their wife/partner and the kids, and any visitors, friends or extended family,) to keep completely quiet. Even the fucking dogs and cats must shushhhhhh!

And yet the MAN whenever he's ready, (and has shushed everyone from even breathing loudly while he does his big important job AT HOME,) goes around dominating the home and whistling and humming and tapping, and speaking loudly and yawning loudly, and eating loudly, and grunting and moaning, and following you around from room to room asking question after question........ 'what you doing, what you looking at, what's that, what you reading, who you been talking to, who you texting, who you messaging......' And giving you a running commentary of what he's watching, or what he's looking at on the computer..... And telling you shit you already know, coz he has told you 15 times already! And other banal fucking shit.

The fact is, the effect of a man stuck in the house all day - when a woman is trying to work from home, or get on with housework/childcare/home admin/chores etc, is completely different to the effect of a woman being around when a man's working from home or trying to do anything at home.

Many men are high maintenance and very irritating when they're stuck at home. This is why there's such a high level of depression from women when their husbands retire. Because they moan and mither and pester, and won't stop following their wife around and asking them questions, and whining, and commenting on everything.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night. Away all the time doing their big important job and their 'man hobbies.' And they do not get what it's like to have a man hanging around the house instead of being where he should be .... out at work! AWAY from the home. YES that's what I said. Don't question me about it. This is my opinion and no dissing or nagging or goading will change it.

mrsm43s · 28/04/2023 22:43

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 22:08

@Iwrote

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. There's always people on these threads that say 'how come women can do what they want in their homes when they want?' and 'how come women should be allowed to stay at home but their men can't?' ...... blah blah blah yadda yadda?!

Basically, the long and short of it is when women are at home, they just tootle about and do their thing, tidy up, prep for dinner, do some cleaning, do some washing and ironing and home admin or childcare. AND/OR they'll do their 'work from home,' job. They do it peacefully and quietly and without fuss or drama.

When men are at home, whether they are just on days off, or are off sick, or whether they are working from home, they completely dominate the airspace, the home, every single room, and the atmosphere. As people have said, they expect the whole of the family: (their wife/partner and the kids, and any visitors, friends or extended family,) to keep completely quiet. Even the fucking dogs and cats must shushhhhhh!

And yet the MAN whenever he's ready, (and has shushed everyone from even breathing loudly while he does his big important job AT HOME,) goes around dominating the home and whistling and humming and tapping, and speaking loudly and yawning loudly, and eating loudly, and grunting and moaning, and following you around from room to room asking question after question........ 'what you doing, what you looking at, what's that, what you reading, who you been talking to, who you texting, who you messaging......' And giving you a running commentary of what he's watching, or what he's looking at on the computer..... And telling you shit you already know, coz he has told you 15 times already! And other banal fucking shit.

The fact is, the effect of a man stuck in the house all day - when a woman is trying to work from home, or get on with housework/childcare/home admin/chores etc, is completely different to the effect of a woman being around when a man's working from home or trying to do anything at home.

Many men are high maintenance and very irritating when they're stuck at home. This is why there's such a high level of depression from women when their husbands retire. Because they moan and mither and pester, and won't stop following their wife around and asking them questions, and whining, and commenting on everything.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night. Away all the time doing their big important job and their 'man hobbies.' And they do not get what it's like to have a man hanging around the house instead of being where he should be .... out at work! AWAY from the home. YES that's what I said. Don't question me about it. This is my opinion and no dissing or nagging or goading will change it.

Fucking Hell! Stereotyping much?

nomoredriving · 28/04/2023 22:45

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 22:08

@Iwrote

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. There's always people on these threads that say 'how come women can do what they want in their homes when they want?' and 'how come women should be allowed to stay at home but their men can't?' ...... blah blah blah yadda yadda?!

Basically, the long and short of it is when women are at home, they just tootle about and do their thing, tidy up, prep for dinner, do some cleaning, do some washing and ironing and home admin or childcare. AND/OR they'll do their 'work from home,' job. They do it peacefully and quietly and without fuss or drama.

When men are at home, whether they are just on days off, or are off sick, or whether they are working from home, they completely dominate the airspace, the home, every single room, and the atmosphere. As people have said, they expect the whole of the family: (their wife/partner and the kids, and any visitors, friends or extended family,) to keep completely quiet. Even the fucking dogs and cats must shushhhhhh!

And yet the MAN whenever he's ready, (and has shushed everyone from even breathing loudly while he does his big important job AT HOME,) goes around dominating the home and whistling and humming and tapping, and speaking loudly and yawning loudly, and eating loudly, and grunting and moaning, and following you around from room to room asking question after question........ 'what you doing, what you looking at, what's that, what you reading, who you been talking to, who you texting, who you messaging......' And giving you a running commentary of what he's watching, or what he's looking at on the computer..... And telling you shit you already know, coz he has told you 15 times already! And other banal fucking shit.

The fact is, the effect of a man stuck in the house all day - when a woman is trying to work from home, or get on with housework/childcare/home admin/chores etc, is completely different to the effect of a woman being around when a man's working from home or trying to do anything at home.

Many men are high maintenance and very irritating when they're stuck at home. This is why there's such a high level of depression from women when their husbands retire. Because they moan and mither and pester, and won't stop following their wife around and asking them questions, and whining, and commenting on everything.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night. Away all the time doing their big important job and their 'man hobbies.' And they do not get what it's like to have a man hanging around the house instead of being where he should be .... out at work! AWAY from the home. YES that's what I said. Don't question me about it. This is my opinion and no dissing or nagging or goading will change it.

Fucking hell......

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:01

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 22:08

@Iwrote

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. There's always people on these threads that say 'how come women can do what they want in their homes when they want?' and 'how come women should be allowed to stay at home but their men can't?' ...... blah blah blah yadda yadda?!

Basically, the long and short of it is when women are at home, they just tootle about and do their thing, tidy up, prep for dinner, do some cleaning, do some washing and ironing and home admin or childcare. AND/OR they'll do their 'work from home,' job. They do it peacefully and quietly and without fuss or drama.

When men are at home, whether they are just on days off, or are off sick, or whether they are working from home, they completely dominate the airspace, the home, every single room, and the atmosphere. As people have said, they expect the whole of the family: (their wife/partner and the kids, and any visitors, friends or extended family,) to keep completely quiet. Even the fucking dogs and cats must shushhhhhh!

And yet the MAN whenever he's ready, (and has shushed everyone from even breathing loudly while he does his big important job AT HOME,) goes around dominating the home and whistling and humming and tapping, and speaking loudly and yawning loudly, and eating loudly, and grunting and moaning, and following you around from room to room asking question after question........ 'what you doing, what you looking at, what's that, what you reading, who you been talking to, who you texting, who you messaging......' And giving you a running commentary of what he's watching, or what he's looking at on the computer..... And telling you shit you already know, coz he has told you 15 times already! And other banal fucking shit.

The fact is, the effect of a man stuck in the house all day - when a woman is trying to work from home, or get on with housework/childcare/home admin/chores etc, is completely different to the effect of a woman being around when a man's working from home or trying to do anything at home.

Many men are high maintenance and very irritating when they're stuck at home. This is why there's such a high level of depression from women when their husbands retire. Because they moan and mither and pester, and won't stop following their wife around and asking them questions, and whining, and commenting on everything.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night. Away all the time doing their big important job and their 'man hobbies.' And they do not get what it's like to have a man hanging around the house instead of being where he should be .... out at work! AWAY from the home. YES that's what I said. Don't question me about it. This is my opinion and no dissing or nagging or goading will change it.

You've nailed it.

I had an elderly aunt and when I moaned to her about dh being at home all day, she'd tell me that the home is the woman's domain. Honestly, it's old fashioned to some people but she was totally right.

Fourwallsclosingin · 28/04/2023 23:03

Absolutely feel your pain, it feels like being lockdown. I find it suffocating and claustrophobic, he finally is now going back 3 days, but two mornings he starts late. It feel like he is home all the time and has caused alot of damage in our relationship. I basically feel I can't stand him anymore as he's always around and it's also made him very boring (and lazy). I'm not feeling very hopeful about our future.

Fourwallsclosingin · 28/04/2023 23:04

KnittedCardi · 28/04/2023 14:10

I hear you OP. And on the days he has promised to go in, he is always conveniently ill. He's planning to retire too soon, god help me.

This is another thing, mine is due to retire in about 10 years and it is a huge concern to think this is the future. Which is sad! You shouldn't be feeling like that about your relationship

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:10

Fourwallsclosingin · 28/04/2023 23:03

Absolutely feel your pain, it feels like being lockdown. I find it suffocating and claustrophobic, he finally is now going back 3 days, but two mornings he starts late. It feel like he is home all the time and has caused alot of damage in our relationship. I basically feel I can't stand him anymore as he's always around and it's also made him very boring (and lazy). I'm not feeling very hopeful about our future.

It is like lockdown. I used to really look forward to dh coming home from work in the evening...now I look forward to him going out somewhere.

MrsSkylerWhite · 28/04/2023 23:12

Love that mine WFH. He spent years working away all week when the kids were small, really enjoy having him here now.
sorry, not very helpful 😁

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:15

School holidays with him wfh are the absolute worst. It's really like lockdown. I cannot bear it. All of them constantly in the kitchen making a fucking mess and getting under my feet. I'm sure housewives of yesteryear would be horrified and kicked the kids out to play in the street and the men would be out at work all day.

WandaWonder · 28/04/2023 23:18

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 22:08

@Iwrote

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. There's always people on these threads that say 'how come women can do what they want in their homes when they want?' and 'how come women should be allowed to stay at home but their men can't?' ...... blah blah blah yadda yadda?!

Basically, the long and short of it is when women are at home, they just tootle about and do their thing, tidy up, prep for dinner, do some cleaning, do some washing and ironing and home admin or childcare. AND/OR they'll do their 'work from home,' job. They do it peacefully and quietly and without fuss or drama.

When men are at home, whether they are just on days off, or are off sick, or whether they are working from home, they completely dominate the airspace, the home, every single room, and the atmosphere. As people have said, they expect the whole of the family: (their wife/partner and the kids, and any visitors, friends or extended family,) to keep completely quiet. Even the fucking dogs and cats must shushhhhhh!

And yet the MAN whenever he's ready, (and has shushed everyone from even breathing loudly while he does his big important job AT HOME,) goes around dominating the home and whistling and humming and tapping, and speaking loudly and yawning loudly, and eating loudly, and grunting and moaning, and following you around from room to room asking question after question........ 'what you doing, what you looking at, what's that, what you reading, who you been talking to, who you texting, who you messaging......' And giving you a running commentary of what he's watching, or what he's looking at on the computer..... And telling you shit you already know, coz he has told you 15 times already! And other banal fucking shit.

The fact is, the effect of a man stuck in the house all day - when a woman is trying to work from home, or get on with housework/childcare/home admin/chores etc, is completely different to the effect of a woman being around when a man's working from home or trying to do anything at home.

Many men are high maintenance and very irritating when they're stuck at home. This is why there's such a high level of depression from women when their husbands retire. Because they moan and mither and pester, and won't stop following their wife around and asking them questions, and whining, and commenting on everything.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night. Away all the time doing their big important job and their 'man hobbies.' And they do not get what it's like to have a man hanging around the house instead of being where he should be .... out at work! AWAY from the home. YES that's what I said. Don't question me about it. This is my opinion and no dissing or nagging or goading will change it.

Bad day in the office?

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 23:19

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:15

School holidays with him wfh are the absolute worst. It's really like lockdown. I cannot bear it. All of them constantly in the kitchen making a fucking mess and getting under my feet. I'm sure housewives of yesteryear would be horrified and kicked the kids out to play in the street and the men would be out at work all day.

THIS. ^ Men being at home, piss-arseing around the house, DURING THE WORKING WEEK, and dominating the domain, is shit. Not natural. Get your fucking male arse out to the workplace!!! OUT of the house. Shoooooo SHOOOOO!

I do not give a shiny shite what anyone thinks ... I am entitled to my opinions.

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:28

@SecretsIWouldNeverTell you are correct. It's also the endless comments and questions about what I'm doing. Why is the Hoover on the landing? Why is the radio on? What s in the oven? Oh you're having a shower? He's lovely but I don't need a commentary on my day.

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 23:43

Agree @Comedycook

Fourwallsclosingin · 28/04/2023 23:46

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 23:10

It is like lockdown. I used to really look forward to dh coming home from work in the evening...now I look forward to him going out somewhere.

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That summarises it perfectly, me too, I used to look forward to seeing him. It's stiffling when someone is always around

Fourwallsclosingin · 28/04/2023 23:52

Comedycook · 28/04/2023 19:15

My dh WFH every day. Honestly it's really hard. I'm a sahm of school age DC and I loved my time alone at home. I find it really hard to get on with things when he's at home...no idea why. I just can't get motivated to do housework yet I feel I should look busy. He is an extrovert and I'm an introvert...I just want to be alone a lot.

I'm an extrovert, and my DH is an introvert. But I too just want some space for myself (SAHM to toddler), we're out alot but when we get home he's always there. I live for nap time when DH is in the office. He's just started going back to the office, so now I have 3 times a week when I have a few hours to breathe and enjoy total silence and feeling like I'm alone

SkyandSurf · 29/04/2023 00:30

He should absolutely respect your workspace and be aware of the disruptions he's causing to the rest of the family.

Eight trips to the kitchen in two hours is ridiculous. Does he get any work done?

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

I'd stop preventing the toddler from interrupting. It's a home first, not a workplace. If he doesn't like it he should fuck off back to work.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/04/2023 00:54

I hated us both WFH and we work together in business!! My H is exactly like the OPs partner, except minus any children left at home, in the end I told him I was either getting a job elsewhere or getting a co worker desk in town- which is exactly what I did. I hate to say it as we are now late 50s and early 60s but have worked this way for 12 years or so now- but I felt like a pair of pensioners, forever making him cups of tea and listening to ranting about others and without anyone else to have the odd chat with - I can see maybe it works for some and is useful for those with young kids and cuts commute costs but certainly wasn't for me

gannett · 29/04/2023 08:12

I WFH and I probably make eight trips to the kitchen in two hours quite frequently. Mostly because I'm too absent-minded to get everything I want done in there efficiently in one go but also because working isn't about being tied to your desk all day. Pottering around the house doing other stuff helps me with thinking of ideas or getting more clarity on knotty issues.

I can't believe some people don't get it. These people are clearly single women, or women whose husbands are out from 8 in the morning til 8 at night.

Or women who have nice partners who don't act like you've described in your unhinged rant? Sorry you married a dud, I guess.

gannett · 29/04/2023 08:13

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 28/04/2023 23:19

THIS. ^ Men being at home, piss-arseing around the house, DURING THE WORKING WEEK, and dominating the domain, is shit. Not natural. Get your fucking male arse out to the workplace!!! OUT of the house. Shoooooo SHOOOOO!

I do not give a shiny shite what anyone thinks ... I am entitled to my opinions.

Show quote history

And we're entitled to comment that your opinions and reductive stereotypes are batshit, and while you think you're having a fun little anti-man rant, it's quite obviously the kind of thinking that ultimately sets women back. "Men should naturally be out of the house, women's domain is the home" is so unbelievably regressive.

nomoredriving · 29/04/2023 08:16

@Fourwallsclosingin do you make sure that you leave time at the weekend or whatever so your DH can have some alone time in the house?

Fourwallsclosingin · 29/04/2023 08:19

nomoredriving · 29/04/2023 08:16

@Fourwallsclosingin do you make sure that you leave time at the weekend or whatever so your DH can have some alone time in the house?

Yes, all the time

Fourwallsclosingin · 29/04/2023 08:25

@nomoredriving personally I think it's unhealthy for people to be together 24/7, I think they should also have their own friends and other interests otherwise it can be very co-dependent, obviously of a couple wants to spend 24/7 then good for them, but when you don't and don't have many options it can definitely wear you down