Do you think that women are really cruel?

[Mooshamoo]

I just think that every stage of my life has been destroyed by women.

As a child, it was the adult women that were around me that were the cruellest.

School, the girls were so cruel. I got on with the boys.
college, the same
work, the same.

I just started a new job (remote)and we have been in training for two months. As there is a lot of training.

The way the job works is that we have four managers while we are training. They all do shifts as managers with us. Then when we complete training , we are assigned one full time managers.

During the training, the two female managers only messaged me and called me to tell me what I was doing wrong. They kept telling me I was doing things wrong. They were nasty and cruel to me. The two male managers were different, they were really supportive of me, as I had just started in the job. They said to ask them any questions etc.

When I finished training, I prayed that I would get one of the male managers, which I did. He is very nice and supportive.

Now, a month into the job, we have been told that we will all be assigned a quality coach. Which will be one of three people. The quality coaches are two men and a woman. I've dealt with the two men before and they are lovely, supportive and kind. The woman is a bully and just enjoys having power over people.

Again I prayed to get one of the men, but I got the woman this time. She has been making my life a misery. She is supposed to be supportive and helpful to me, but she has been really abusive to me and she is awful. She enjoys knocking people down. One of my. Other team mates also has her, and also says that she is abusing her really badly. Like as quality coach her job is meant to be supporting and helping you. But she just tells you that you are shit and useless.

My other team mates that have the male quality coaches, say that they are so kind and supportive to them , and are really helpful.

I just wonder, what is this? Why do women always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel?

It is an interesting point about men. Men have been kinder to me at work. But as you said "are they only kinder for their own benefit".

Though a couple of the men that I work with, are happily married and I can't see what they gain from being kind to me. They just seem to be kind men

From your OP

*As a child, it was the adult women that were around me that were the cruellest.

School, the girls were so cruel. I got on with the boys.
college, the same
work, the same.*

Take out the trigger of mental health. It could benefit you greatly to sit down with someone and talk in depth about past experiences. It seems to be something that causes you distress, simply talking about it can help rather than seeking help on an anonymous forum.

"One doesn't have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient" .

The bullying on this thread is mostly coming from you, OP.

You have absolutely summed up your issue here.

If ten people tell you that you need mental health support, it doesn't occur to you for a minute that you might need mental health support. You instead see it as "extremely severe bullying".
If a thousand people said it, what would you say to that?
If a dr said it, you would call the dr a bully as well. Cruel and awful, the same as everyone you have ever met.

It isn't bullying of any kind. Random people saying things you do not like are not bullies. You have a persecution complex, you cannot understand normal human interaction.

Are you interacting with these women differently to how you interact with the men? Are you expecting different things from them?

Sorry that you've met so many shit people - but if it's more than just you being unlucky, the common denominator in all these interactions with you. Maybe need to work through (probably with a qualified professional) to understand how you go through interactions and communicate and how these things keep happening.

Yes - women can be cunts. I worked for a woman who was an absolute twat and bullied me. I also worked with several women who were incredibly kind and went above and beyond to reassure me and lift me up. Ditto with men.

I haven’t found this at all actually OP. I find that women are far more genuine, trustworthy and kind than men, especially in the work place.

Oh my god this is severe gas lighting.

I don't know what you've experienced at work so I can't comment on that. I do have a question for you tho, and I ask this in good faith not to be a dick. Why do you choose mumsnet to come for advice if you think the posters here are so nasty & bullying?.

This is what I would describe as the pinnacle of female cruelty.

People will stop taking you seriously if you keep these exaggerations up. I have to say that the eay it's going, if you weren't recognisable long term pister, I would think you are just winding people up.

I speak to therapist myself post a really bad long term relationship. Even after I recovered I use her to help with my career. There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing to get some help. People on here are not being cruel to tell to to get some help. They are trying to help you.

Imo I think it’s unfair to say women are cruel. Not ALL women are. Some can be bitchy yes.

I've come across plenty of really nasty women in my time and also some genuinely good and kind men so I certainly don't believe the "women are lovely, men are bastards narrative!".
However, you seem to be taking things to the other extreme. Yes SOME women are awful but you seem to think most are! The women I work with now are so incredibly kind and supportive. I've made really good friends with female colleagues over the years. There are many wonderful women out there!

In general I do feel get along with boys better (say as co-workers) as theres less drama with men and things often feel 'easier' (just look at planning a stag do vs. hen do lol) HOWEVER every best friend I have had has been a girl.

Usually I will have 1 close girlfriend in a group and the majority of the rest of our shared circle is usually men.

Its unlikely I would be part of a large gaggle of just girls as I find when lots of women get together fights/cattiness tend to break out through clashes of personality especially in contained spaces like work/school.

Yes women seem a tad more prone to drama when they feel they don't 'match' personality with each other but nobody is bad based on their genitals though.

Those women might all be perfectly fine one on one and I have no rule that I can only be friends with one girl that just seem to be how cards tend to fall for me. At the same time I have met some AWFUL men in my life too.

If you can't ever find ANY women you get along with its likely a reflection of you not 'all of womankind'.

So you see You can't win. Even though I know they intended to call me crazy, if I call them out on it, one of them will say "so you're calling people with mental health issues crazy"

You DON'T know that though. You imagine that they are calling you crazy, when they are not. You "call them out" ie you are mean and rude to them, and then when they ask you why are you so rudely calling people with mental health issues crazy, you whine that they are all cruel gaslighting bullies and it proves your point!

Nobody called you crazy. You did call others crazy. You said that having MH issues is being crazy/unstable etc. You said that mentioning possible MH issues is bullying.

The rudeness, "cruelty" is coming from you. But you are the perpetual victim, so you can't see it. Or won't.

I think that you need to look up the definition of the word 'cruel'

People telling you their opinion isn't cruel.
People disagreeing with your perspective isn't cruel.
People giving you feedback at work isn't cruel.

I mean this respectfully to you, I am not trying to invalidate your experiences that you have had with other women. Some people are lovely, some are arseholes, that's just life.

I am saying this as I am a highly sensitive person, I pick up on peoples body language, tone of voice, and can often misinterpret how people act towards me.
But I have never once jumped to the conclusion that how I have interpreted something is necessarily right.
From your responses on this thread I feel like you can be quite defensive, and argumentative, and also seem to claim people are being personally cruel to you. I think that a bit of self reflection is needed here. I understand that you feel like you've been bullied / mistreated by women in your life time, and your reaction to this is to claim "all women are cruel". It is hard in life to not take everything personally, but there's a reason the saying is to "take offence". Offence isn't given, your emotional reactions to any given situation are your own reactions, in which you do have control over. What you deem as cruel or bullying may not be taken in the same way as another person experiencing the same situation.

I also sense a slight bit of victim mentality in your posts, and you're projecting your bad experiences onto all women.

Self care, and self growth are really important factors in life, inspecting your feelings and reactions to certain situations can help you learn so much about yourself, and enable you to understand that someone who is blunt to you is not cruel. Women can be strong, blunt, passionate and boss ass bitches, it doesn't mean that they have to be super kind and 'people please' constantly, that's just the patriarchal view of what women should be, and isn't accurate in this day and age.

And I am a mental health professional, and I must agree that you could find talking to one of us very beneficial, as it could help to change your mindset to have a more positive view, or help you to understand how you interact with people, and what affect that has on your relationships.

Thank you!

It is severe gaslighting!

I’ve just had a female colleague come in on a Friday (which is unheard of in our industry), to help me re-craft my CV and to help/mentor me on the next stage of my career.

She is the one who suggested we meet today and there is nothing in it for her, except that she wants to see another female colleague succeed in our male dominated team.

She is a genuinely lovely and supportive person who cares about her job and colleagues.

No, it isn't.

Op I regularly advise people they should consider seeking MH support. I’m not a trained doctor, but I do have empathy and care about the needs of other people, particularly women and girls. Mumsnetters are obviously a diverse bunch. But many of us are intelligent, feisty and what they are writing comes from a good place, even if it is hard to hear.

As for generalising women being mean, cruel or uncaring, I think this is true of both some men and some women. However, my experience for the most part with regard to women is the opposite. I run with the approach that women should stick up for and protect one another. I think there are a lot of women out there, who approach life the same way. I only really noticed just how many women when I got myself in a better place mentally. Up until that part, I did see the world conspiring against me, that I’d be verbally attacked at any moment and I oscillated between people pleasing and to a lesser extent, spiky and angry.

I know you think you’ve had a hard time. I am definitely not going to agree with your beliefs. Posters tbh are mostly reflecting the same energy back at you that you’re projecting to them. So if you want to get on better with women, the secret is that the only person you can change is yourself. I needed a lot of therapy to get to that point. You can choose whether or not that approach would help you.

Even if you’re not ready right now, maybe come back to this when you’re older. I presume right now you’re relatively young and have the beauty of youth on your side, which makes you desirable to men. I’m older and the wrong side of 50. I’m invisible to your average man.

@Mooshamoo
No, I don’t think women are cruel.
At work, in my family and in my friendships I am surrounded by kind, funny, caring, intelligent, supportive, lovely women.

I would never dream of saying to a stranger on the internet that they need professional mental help. Ever. It is not my business. It is nothing to do with me. It's inappropriate.

OP, are you male or female? Your personality strikes me (as someone who’s not a mental health practitioner) as rather unusual. I expect you’ll accuse me of cruelty now, but I fear, even if you disagree, that that says more about you than it does about me.

I remember your bizarre comments about life in present-day Ireland. And how you reacted to posters on that thread.

You give good value, I'll give you that.

@Mooshamoo are you able to remove the words mental health from professional help?

Do you have a close family member or friend you can sit down and talk to? Sometimes just having a long talk can really help, rather than stewing on things.

Please don't take offense to people having empathy.