Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To go for a drink with friends dad

667 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:55

Iv been friends with this friend for ever and her dad has always been there for me and has messaged me a few times over the years but it's just been jokey flirty stuff nothing much of anything and he messaged me this morning to go round for a few drinks tonight. I want to go but I don't know how my friend will react.
Yanbu. Do what you want its nobody's business
Yabu. You don't cross that line with a friends dad

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 28/04/2023 12:11

How would you feel in reverse? Cause if any of my friends wanted to shag/date my dad, I'd find that very wrong.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:11

I wouldn't date him or want anything serious I was just meaning a bit of fun. I don't think its anything serious for him either

OP posts:
stinkydampteatowel · 28/04/2023 12:12

Some of these comments 🤯🤯🤯.

Age gap - what relevance?! Being the same age as his kids - what relevance?

There's a 28 year gap between DH and I. I'm a very similar age to his daughters. We've been together 20 years, married 18 and have a gorgeous child together. We are all extremely happy.

He didn't have an affair. He'd long since separated from ex. I wasn't friends with his kids and didn't know them. We all get on well now.

I wouldn't strike up a relationship with a friends dad though... not if they were a good friend, a friend/ acquaintance perhaps.

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 12:12

So this man, who was in a position of trust when you were a vulnerable child and has been flirting with you for years when you are young enough to be his daughter, wants to go for a drink.

And you have been friends with his daughter for 15 years.

Yeah, it would be a no from me for all sorts of reasons.

FairyPrincess123 · 28/04/2023 12:12

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 11:58

Why yuck where both adults

Show quote history

Are you sure about that?

autienotnaught · 28/04/2023 12:13

The fact that he knew you as a child makes it seem wrong. If you want to go I would tell your friend first (or he should)

OrigamiOwls · 28/04/2023 12:13

Are you prepared to lose your friendship if your friend isn't impressed with this?

mexicanandafewdrinks · 28/04/2023 12:13

@stinkydampteatowel absolutey agree with you. its as if op is being shamed for age gap relationship/ liking an older man

TheDogsWardrobe · 28/04/2023 12:13

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:03

I'm 26 he's 45. He's known me since I met my friend when we where in secondary school but it was nothing weird back then

Show quote history

What a creep.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:14

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/04/2023 12:11

How would you feel in reverse? Cause if any of my friends wanted to shag/date my dad, I'd find that very wrong.

I don't have a dad so couldn't answer

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 28/04/2023 12:14

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 12:12

So this man, who was in a position of trust when you were a vulnerable child and has been flirting with you for years when you are young enough to be his daughter, wants to go for a drink.

And you have been friends with his daughter for 15 years.

Yeah, it would be a no from me for all sorts of reasons.

A million times this. It's more inappropriate the more you post.

Fatmamslim · 28/04/2023 12:14

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:04

Since like 11

Show quote history

I just vommed a little.

This is what makes it totally and utterly wrong..

CarrotCake01 · 28/04/2023 12:14

Meeting up with the father of a childhood friend for a drink and a catch up seems sweet.
Flirtatious territory and the potential for me would cross a line for me though, I personally wouldn't be up for that with any of my friends parents.

You're going to come across people that say it's fine, you're both adults, what's the harm?
You're also going to find people that would find it strange and inappropriate.
Every situation is different, I suppose you have to just evaluate how YOU really feel and the impact this might have on the relationship with your friend.

PinkCast · 28/04/2023 12:15

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:11

I wouldn't date him or want anything serious I was just meaning a bit of fun. I don't think its anything serious for him either

I think this makes it worse.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 12:15

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:11

I wouldn't date him or want anything serious I was just meaning a bit of fun. I don't think its anything serious for him either

Choose someone else then.

There's plenty of cock in the world, if it's just sex you're after there are plenty of men who will happily oblige.

skgnome · 28/04/2023 12:16

He’s known you since you were 11, that’s just weird!
the age gap would be reasonable
if he was a teen dad, meet you when you were 24, he was 40… it’s now 10 years down the line, no problem, he met you as an adult
but the fact that he met you at 11, just sounds wrong!
plus what do you think your friend will think ? Is she ok with you casually dating her dad / you becoming part of her family?
or (most likely) she’ll find it lines were crossed and then - what’s more important for you, your friend or a one night / short term relationship?
or you get serious - your friend still finds it weird, you not only loose the friend, but also are responsible for her friend and her dad relationship breaking
maybe your friend loves the idea, but seeing you’re posting here instead of asking her, I’m going to say no

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:16

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 12:15

Choose someone else then.

There's plenty of cock in the world, if it's just sex you're after there are plenty of men who will happily oblige.

Show quote history

But I like him its not just a random one night stand I do actually think a lot of him

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 28/04/2023 12:16

It's creepy, because you formed your relationship when you were a child and he was in a position of authority.

It's the same as creepy teachers who think they are fine to date a child they have been teaching as soon as the turn 16 or 18 - the power imbalance doesn't just disappear.

Honestly, I think sexually propositioning your child's friend is pretty disgusting, and does not speak well of him.

daisymoonlight · 28/04/2023 12:18

Its absolutely not normal and it is a big deal. I'd be horrified if my friend was shagging my dad so if you go, be prepared to lose her as a friend

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/04/2023 12:18

I dont think 'knowing someone as a child' means he is some sort of perv, relationships change and just because someone was young once doesnt mean that they can't see you as the 26 year old you are now instead of the 13 year old you once were.

Saying that, it sounds like you used to see him as a bit of a father figure which makes a bit of a difference.

Anyway OP I think the main thing which you seem to have ignored is how your friend would feel about this? How good a friend is she? Whilst I don't think there is logically anything wrong at all with seeing him...if one of my friends started seeing my dad I wouldnt be able to see the logic, I'd just be focused on my feelings...which would be 'grim'...and I think most people would feel the same. Sorry!

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 12:18

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 12:15

Choose someone else then.

There's plenty of cock in the world, if it's just sex you're after there are plenty of men who will happily oblige.

Show quote history

Exactly. Think of your friend. I can't imagine many people being ok with this from your friend's POV.

Littleworkaholic · 28/04/2023 12:19

Ah, mate you can’t be going round to your mates dads house ro shag him, what’s wrong with you. Ffs.

Doggymummar · 28/04/2023 12:19

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 28/04/2023 12:11

I wouldn't date him or want anything serious I was just meaning a bit of fun. I don't think its anything serious for him either

That makes it worse to be fair. If you were in love I would say the daughter is collateral damage. But for a shag it's not worth losing your friend of 15 years.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 28/04/2023 12:20

I wouldn't date him or want anything serious I was just meaning a bit of fun. I don't think its anything serious for him either

But I like him its not just a random one night stand I do actually think a lot of him

Which is it?

NashvilleQueen · 28/04/2023 12:20

Did he know you as a child?