AIBU that home schooling is as much for the privileged as private school?

[HomeskoolorPrivate]

I see a lot of private school bashing on here, which I guess is fair enough, as it's something that benefits a tiny minority and seems to be something a lot of wanky politicians do. Not so much home schooling, though, which to me is also a thing that only 'rich' people can access. Private school is seen as for toffs, right wing, bad, whereas home schooling is seen as radical, left wing, and generally not judged as much? AIBU that both options are reserved for the highly privileged who can afford to do such things / make huge sacrifices for a radical alternative option to state schooling?

My child goes to state school. I don’t like the inequalities that private schools entrench but at least the parents using them value education. The crusties home-schooling/neglecting their kids, depriving them of opportunities on the basis that mummy didn’t like school very much 30 years ago - I absolutely judge!

I’m my experience many who choose to home school do so out of desperation. School can be very traumatic for kids and it becomes the only option. Certainly was in my case. So no, it is not always for the privileged, but for the desperate.

I home school one of my dds due to her health and her condition being totally unmanageable at school.

There's a lot of judgement around homeschooling, and there's a million reasons parents choose it.

It's a massive financial, mental, and physical burden, nobody would choose it without very good reason.

I think it depends on what you mean by 'rich' asked 'huge sacrifices'.

I home educated both my children until they went to school in year 10. We lived on my husband's salary and I don't regard us as rich (we aren't poor either) nor do I feel we made huge sacrifices. I do feel privileged to have been able to stay at home with my children but it was also incredibly hard at times. I don't feel I sacrificed but then I chose to do this and wasn't forced into it by failures in the school system.

The home education community is very diverse, these days it's even more diverse than it was when I was heavily involved, and people home educate for a wide variety of reasons. For some it could be seen as a privilege for Ann increasing number it is something parents have to do because of the lack of SEND support in many schools.

The people I know that homeschool have children who would not only fail to thrive in mainstream, they might not survive it. Those that have looked at the battleground and rejected using their children as cannon fodder.
Do you actually really know people that homeschool, or are you just airing prejudices?

Financially speaking if you're homeschooling multiple children it's probably cheaper than school fees depending on the parent's earning capacity. For 1, maybe not.

I don't have evidence for this but my feeling is that a sizable proportion of homeschooled children have SEN that weren't met in school rather than it being a lifestyle choice. I'm not a homeschooler but I have an autistic child who school-refuses at times and I see this a lot in parent support groups. So no, that's not really a privileged position and those parents often feel they didn't have a choice. They may be financially struggling or just about getting by with the help of disability benefits.

Sure, if it's a lifestyle choice then they're definitely more privileged than some.

I know online lots of people are apparently evangelical about homeschooling. But IRL the only people I know who did it (which was few) either did it for religious reasons (one family, didn't know them well, about 8 kids) or because their children couldn't cope with main stream schooling.

The homeschoolers I know are far from rich. The ones I know fall into two categories - those who have kids not coping with mainstream school, and religious people who seem to be scared about worldly values being put on their kids.

I know a lot of homeschooling people and would love to do it but it's not something we can afford atm sadly. My DS is struggling in school and we were looking at private, trying for a bursary etc, but put off by trying partly due to how they might be prejudiced against when they come out the other end.

I lost a few “friends” when I decided to educate my DC privately. Guess where one of those ex “friends” now sends her DC. Yes, you guessed it, the same private school! So much of private school bashing is bourne out of jealously but disguised as wanting all children to be treated equally. Well, unless we change to a communist state that’s not going to happen. Lots of children have different “privileges” and what may be a privilege to one may not be to another; e.g. homeschooling. I think one of my DCs would love it but the other would hate it.

Of course there are many and varied reasons for homeschooling and I admire any parent that does it well. You are right though, OP that it does not attract any of the vitriol that private schooling does and it is of course unavailable to families that require both parents at work to survive.

No one in the workplace is going to prejudice your kid for going to a private school. They might get judged by a few self important reverse-snobs, but they are easy to ignore.

I’m a member of a number of home education groups across different social media platforms, I’d venture as much as 90% of HE do so due to lack of support or provision for complex health and additional support needs.

These families often end up falling into HE, at great emotional and financial detriment, for the health of their child/ren.

It’s vanishingly few families who are as you’ve described.

For the vast majority HE is a forced necessity and certainly not a privilege.

It attracts a different kind of vitriol, didn't you read this?

My child goes to state school. I don’t like the inequalities that private schools entrench but at least the parents using them value education. The crusties home-schooling/neglecting their kids, depriving them of opportunities on the basis that mummy didn’t like school very much 30 years ago - I absolutely judge!

There is absolutely no way we could afford private education, ever.

However we can afford to home educate.
Yes we are privileged in that my husband earns just enough to support us. And I can stay at home.
However I am rare as a home Ed parent, most home Ed parents work part time. And as my kids are teens I could also do that now.

There is no way either of us would ever earn enough for private school, even if we both worked full time.

Home Ed is far far cheaper than private. I pay about £8 a week per child in school-time activities, about £40 a year on textbooks per child, and about £200 on online courses/tutors at GCSE time.

The biggest expense is public exams. Luckily I am only £150 per GCSE. But that is very low. £250 is more average.

So yes it is a privilege, but nothing like the privilege of private school.

But for every comment like this there are 20 odd falling over themselves how wonderful it is that they’ve decided to go swanning off in an RV whilst their kids remain functionally illiterate.

Yes, that's my situation.

No exaggeration to say my eldest (with undiagnosed sen at the time) was being harmed by the mainstream school he was in.

He thrived away from school, did very well in GCSEs and was able to reintegrate back into mainstream for A Levels.

I do feel for families where both parents need to work who really struggle with the position that they find themselves in when their children can't cope in mainstream and there is inadequate support.

I blame the current primary school curriculum, it's too focused on testing for a child to be able to develop at their pace, especially if the child has dyslexia.

I think I meant privileged because you'd need to be able to afford to give up work and potential career advancement, pension contributions etc, as well as pay for things, activities, extra tutoring etc. I don't judge home school people I envy them. I suppose I also envy private school people if I'm honest about it

My ds was bullied out of year 7 and had to leave for his own safety. He has autism. Luckily, we had enough money for online schooling, which is way cheaper than conventional private schooling. We made a lot of sacrifices though and used savings etc.

I just don't see those people in reality though. I'd say 90% of the people who home educate do so because of SEN reasons.

As for the 'functionally illiterate' comment, are you sure? Or is that based on assumptions?

If for example you had to give up a 35k job to home school then home schooling is costing you 35k a year, no? Which you could technically use to pay the fees?

I agree that a large number of home schoolers do so on the basis of SEN or religion (I support one group, the other not so much, I don’t think refusing to engage with the world is healthy)

On the second point I’m perhaps conflating homeschooling with unschooling.

I've just had to make it work financially.

I didn't run the numbers and decide I could cancel Netflix and afford it.

It was literally between my daughters health and wellbeing, or being more financially secure - which is no choice at all.

It's the case for far too many of us, and it really isn't an enviable position to be in.

I've known people from all walks of life who home school. If it's a priority, they have found a way. Home schooling doesn't have to be expensive. Yes, you give up a whole salary but being home saves in other ways. Working has costs. Some home school parents schedule work schedules of both parents to fit so they both work, or one works part time. Some run businesses on the side around home schooling.

I know of two families (mothers) who homeschool their children and neither are rich, let alone be accused of being rich. They homeschool because it was the best option for their child and both mothers had a child development background.

DD goes to school and I am fortunate that homeschooling was something I had to think about.