AIBU that home schooling is as much for the privileged as private school?

[HomeskoolorPrivate]

I see a lot of private school bashing on here, which I guess is fair enough, as it's something that benefits a tiny minority and seems to be something a lot of wanky politicians do. Not so much home schooling, though, which to me is also a thing that only 'rich' people can access. Private school is seen as for toffs, right wing, bad, whereas home schooling is seen as radical, left wing, and generally not judged as much? AIBU that both options are reserved for the highly privileged who can afford to do such things / make huge sacrifices for a radical alternative option to state schooling?

Round here home Ed is truely very mixed, from parents really struggling as single parents to manage SEN and surivive on benefit and low paid p/t work to those on huge incomes with tutors. Personally I’d say it’s the group with the most variance on social factors, or economic factors. They are far far away from being a homogeneous group. It’s like linking Eton to a sinking comprehensive to try to group them .

I’m my experience many who choose to home school do so out of desperation

I would echo this. Everyone I know who homeschools has a child with SEND that cannot manage in mainstream and cannot access a place in a SEND school due to lack of places. Particularly kids on autistic spectrum. And they are all families who have seen their household incomes cut in half due to one parent having to give up work to school the kid(s). Very much a 'needs must' situation and not remotely privileged.

@alyceflowers I sent mine to private when I earned about £38k. Almost all of my salary went on the fees.

The filthy rich very often ‘homeschool’ by paying in tutors - results in decent enough exam results they get their pick of universities & then jobs.

That’s absurd isn’t it!!!!! Surely if the combined household hours are the same it doesn’t matter !!!! It enables choice for couples too with childcare etc

You'd think so. M at home parents are women and this does take choice away, it is supposed to. I wish the papers would take it up with some uproar and a u turn. But I don't think anyone cares how it negatively impacts working class mothers and their children.
My husband often works over 40 hours a week, gets pretty much all the hours he can. But that isn't good enough, we both have to work less hours. I miss tax credits.

Seems like they really don’t want anyone at home do they

No, stay at home mothers have been undervalued and negatively judged for a long time. But now the government really have declared war on them.
Being a stay at home mother should be a respected and valid choice for women. The household hours match, why does it matter who is earning them? All that matters is that mothers aren't home with their children, seemingly. I can't think of another explanation.

Yes I agree with you . It’s totally wrong to remove the choice

Me neither.

But that doesn’t go down well on MN. I’ve been ripped apart on here for chosing to be a stay at home mother. It’s my choice and me and my family are all happy. But i’m constantly told dh will leave me, I’ll be left destitute in old age.

It’s always so negative.

I’m a stay at home mum, but don’t get any benefits. I thinks it’s fine to make that choice if you can afford it.

I don't judge either. However, I don't have concerns about a privately educated child, whereas I do about some home educated children.

One example is a child who dropped out of school due to MH reasons. Rather than work to get her back in, the parents have basically allowed the child to stay at home while they go out to work. No homeschooling happening and child loosing any peer context and development.

In contrast, my youngest ds started school refusing after Covid. We moved him to a new school and dh literally carried him in and kept doing it until he gave in.

I home ed through choice.
We aren’t wealthy at all and even if I was working FT we wouldn’t be able to afford private school fees(let alone the other expenses that come along with that). As for sacrifices, we live in a cheap area and don’t have holidays abroad, for some that might be a huge sacrifice but tbh it doesn’t feel like one to me.

As for judgement, people often judge home educators harshly. It’s not uncommon to be reported to SS, nobody is going to report you to SS for sending dc to private school.
Also you have strangers who will randomly ask your children maths questions in an attempt to test them or simply make assumptions about you and your family, depending on the person it is they will assume that you are antivax/hippy/lazy/vegan/that you hated school/that you don’t discipline your kids/that you hot house your kids/that your kids will be illiterate and on and on.

Personally the only situation I see homeschooling working is if the child has sensory or other issues that means the parent feels they are incompatible with mainstream school. Otherwise how will they learn to interact with others? Private school can be little better though, I went to uni with a girl who had gone to an all girls school and had never spoken to a boy other than her cousin at the age of 18...

@HettyMeg not all private schools are single sex and not all state schools are co-ed.

Ah yes, the performing monkey thing.

Ds was very often quizzed by family and friends. Quite randomly. “Can you read this?” “What is 4x8?” while sitting at lunch.

He ended up playing dumb in the end and telling them he couldn’t read. Or if they wrote down a maths question he would say, “mum, what are these funny squiggles, I don’t know what they are!”

He was as jaded as me by it all by the time he was 8.

And we were reported to SS twice.

I don’t home school but I’m offended on their behalf. Most home schooler make a lot of effort to mix, go to groups etc.

Mine interacts with others every other month for 20 minutes when we go to do our bulk shop of freeze dried caviar. We do our home ed meets there, boys and girls, they all dress in their finest for the outing, it is great. Kids often walk back to the car together and sometimes will exchange a peanut for a casew amongst themselves.. Amazing interactions, though if one child gets the yoghurt crystallised ginger there's no interactions there, can't blame 'em.

repeted to SS twice by the same person who just didn’t believe in home ed. SS just called both times and that was it, we were registered with the LA and they visited once a year. I did that to cover my back as I knew certain family members would report us.

SS didn’t even contact the LA in the end, they were satisfied it was malicious.

What a naive assumption!
And how easy it is to slap the word privileged’ on a whole diverse group of people.
I home educate my DC and I can tell you that having met a HUGE amount of home ed families over the last few years, that financially privileged is not something you would say about them IF you had met them.
The vast majority are making it work in extremely creative ways. Many are single parents, many have SEN kids who have been spectacularly failed by the education system, many work two jobs to get by, some work evenings to be with their kids in the day, some sacrifice being on the property ladder and rent tiny homes to get by, lots don’t even own a car just as examples.

I’m tired of justifying my education choices to the world, I’m tired of being called a ‘crusty’ because I chose a different path to the mainstream. And since when did being a hippy or being crusty equate to being privileged?!

That is such a blinkered view. Do your children only speak to other children at school?

Wow.

Yes this happened to a friend of mine. It was her neighbours who reported her. I’ve read about schools doing it too when a parent deregisters even when they have no previous concerns about a child.

That’s the only situation you see home ed working? I’m astounded by your naivety. What do you think we do all day?!

It is so depressing.
I wish it were respected and valued. It really is an important role. I don't know why it is undervalued and disrespected