AIBU that home schooling is as much for the privileged as private school?

[HomeskoolorPrivate]

I see a lot of private school bashing on here, which I guess is fair enough, as it's something that benefits a tiny minority and seems to be something a lot of wanky politicians do. Not so much home schooling, though, which to me is also a thing that only 'rich' people can access. Private school is seen as for toffs, right wing, bad, whereas home schooling is seen as radical, left wing, and generally not judged as much? AIBU that both options are reserved for the highly privileged who can afford to do such things / make huge sacrifices for a radical alternative option to state schooling?

Was about to say exactly this.
The parents I know who have gone onto 'home school' have done so because they had no option due to their child's needs being unable to be met through state education (Inc mainstream AND send Schools)

There was a thread yesterday about the school strikes where people were sharing just how bad things were in school.

No continuity of teachers, no TAs, huge class sizes, classrooms being more like crowd control than teaching.

Its easy to see how a lot of home educated children do better when they are usually one on one.

Ds is still in touch with his home educated friends from childhood. The ones who stayed home educated until 16 did so much “better” academically than the few like ds who went to school. I know that’s anecdotal, but it’s something you hear a lot.

They also had so much more time to indulge their passions in music, sport, volunteering etc.

When ds went to school at 10, a lot of things he loved fell to the wayside as there just didn’t seem to be the time anymore. I know children in school do music, sports etc. But home education gives so much more flexibility for timings, lessons and practice, travelling to competitions.

I've known the middle class SAHM crowd who homeschool their dc with fabulous visits to museums and with travel and forest school and lots of paid for activities and groups of likeminded wealthy mums. That's your private school equivalent and their dc have switched into private school off the back of homeschooling.

I've also known those who take their dc out of school due to SEN and bullying and with no alternative home school usually without the fabulous activities that you need money for and with less of a home school network as the middle class groups are hostile. It's definitely desperation that's driving it.

People usually see happier children as a result and that's seen as worth it. My friends in this position traded giving up on academic attainment and switching to something vocational at early secondary level.

I know various families who have home educated - almost all have DC who could either not cope in school due to SEN, or have medical issues that could not be managed in school. All of them say that no-one would choose to home educate a child if there was any other realistic choice and that it is unbelievably, grindingly, soul-crushingly hard. I don't think the majority of home educators or children who are home educated are privileged in the slightest.

That might be the case for some, but when your child doesn't fit in mainstream school and there isn't a specialist school place available that will meet their needs, you don't have an option. There are many, many children who are home ed in this position. I feel irritated that people believe it is a privilege. You don't have a bloody clue. Try surviving on a single income, or attempting to work and home school your child/children. Such a fucking privilege.

It's a privilege to have a child that can access education. My DC1 wouldn't survive in school, even specialist.

I've no pension, no savings, and I rely on handouts from my parents. The LA Ed Psych and the SEN Advice Charity in the region both agree home ed is best for DC1.

I buy my clothes from supermarkets and charity shops. Don't have a passport, don't have a career any more.

But DC1 is happy. Which is important really, isn't it. They aren't being destroyed and they're learning to regulate themselves.

The people who take their kids out of school because they're not adequately supported, have my full support. It's a failure that these kids are in such a situation.

But the smug homeschoolers, who post sun-dappled photos of their little 6 year old cherub (singular - that's important) learning Mandarin, Arabic AND French in private classes on their Insta/blog with some comment about how schooling deprives children of the opportunity to learn properly and teachers aren't as good as they/their tutors are just pisses me off. I've unfollowed people because of this. There's usually also comments dotted in about how great a parent they are, because they prioritise their child's education. The implication that working parents don't rings clear.

They have trips to museums and galleries and the whole shabang. And as such, they're usually based on a major city (London included).

There are also comments about how much they sacrifice to provide their child with the best, how they can't afford holidays, but that's ok, because they care about their child more.

They do not seem to get the inherent privilege of being able to live in London, afford for one parent to not work/barely work or both work part time, pat for private tutors and pay for all the many excursions. PLUS the amount of time available to invest in preparing/sourcing worksheets that are "suitable" (no twinkl), making learning materials etc. who the hell has time for all that?

I think it's quite telling that this type of hone schooler always has one child. Once you have children with multiple interests and competing schedules, you don't have time to make "Waldorf-esque" special materials.

This group of kids is being hothoused as much as in any private school, it's just in a more individualised manner.

And then, after a few years of one on one private tuition we're told that their child is far more intelligent - they're "gifted" - than their peers. No, they're not. They've just had private tutors and pushy parents who've made it their life's work to demonstrate how special their child is. All the rest of us can't understand and/or are jealous, because we've not got such a special child and we've dumped our kids at the learning factory school, because we don't care about them as much as they care about theirs.

I wish I was making this up.

The majority of homeschoolers these days don't appear to be like this. But I think this little group are relevant to OP's OP.

Like I said, Unfollowed!

I don't know...the only families I know who homeschool, do so because their child has been so utterly failed by the education system, that they have no choice.
They have all had to make huge sacrifices and struggle to make ends meet, but have done so to provide the best education they can for their children.
It doesn't seem like much of a privileged position to me.

I love it when a generalization is made about an entire group of people based on one person’s Instagram account.
I do not recognise this person at all and according to nearly every comment on this thread nor does anyone else…

Have you thought about EOTAS?

Many of these families have to sacrifice a wage. Their standard of living reduces. Some have to move from mortgage to renting.

You are right though, it’s such a huge and massive commitment for some families to feel forced into!

I have home educated for the past 16 years and met a large number of home Ed parents over the years. I have never met someone who resembles what you've described.

Yes, people do take their kids to (usually) free museums sometimes and occasionally use a tutor for a subject they need help with. But so do parents with kids in school.

DS1 did Mandarin GCSE, it was one of the hardest things in my life, we learned together with textbooks over many years and I found a local Chinese person to do an exchange with for language practice.

He has also found since going to 6th form that if anything he is the opposite of being hothoused, he has found he has very good self study skills which help with A level revision as he had to do all that on his own for GCSEs. We are not in London by the way.

I do not think this is fair. I would not homeschool, however I do have friends who do and they spend an enormous amount of resources on their children's education.

Three dc, all do climbing and swimming. One fences, one rides horses, one does ballet. They all play an instrument, learn Spanish and Chinese. The 12 year old does some kind of boating or yachting or smth. They are always trying stuff outdoors, they do seasonal things, skiing, snowboarding etc then switch to hiking, paddle boarding etc. It always sounds so adventurous.

Mrsleonferrell I could have written this! Altogether my dc are very different. Dd struggled and school was hard for her.she was much happier at home .ds was almost made for school,loved it !we are not privileged at all.i was a sahm for a while and it was hard as you say.problems started for us at secondary, big gap between dc .so could leave dd while collecting ds. Most people I know were also desperate for help .none forthcoming sadly from council for us either

Dd did music lessons at a Saturday school loved it

My dd is doing significantly better academically now she is home educated - she was so anxious at school and put so much energy into masking (she is autistic - diagnosed shortly after leaving school in year 7) that she struggled to focus on her work. Now, at 13, she is working at GCSE level in all the subjects she has continued with. And that is just the academic side of things - the bottom line is that she is much more content, confident, relaxed and no longer self harming and feeling suicidal.

She interacts with peers at three musical activities that she does each week and this is (more than) enough for her. A lot of fuss seems to be made about how a child not going to school means they miss out on developing vital social skills, but school is not a natural social environment and these skills develop through real world interactions. Additionally, autistic children are often on the fringes (or completely left out) of the social environment at school, which can cause enormous anxiety and distress and doesn't help them at all.

I think I may sound a little bit like the smug parents described above - although I would never broadcast my life on instagram - but home ed has been an incredibly positive step for our family. It is hard going at time - I can't really work and get very little time to myself - but it is worth it for much happier dc.

I echo the sentiment of several posters upthread.

For many who are home educating, to be able to have a suitable school place would be the privilege.

The right to education is a human right, that so many SEN and disabled children are forced into education at home is a national disgrace.

And then with UC making stupid rules to take choice away it makes the situation even worse 😞
Total household hours worked shouldn’t have to be split if it doesn’t suit family circumstances and one parent is needed at home

EOTAS is totally cut in most areas due to funding issues. LA should provide it but they don’t.

It is a fight to access and usually crap.

It really shouldn't be crap.

It should provide funding for everything your child needs for a full time education to meet their age and ability if you can demonstrate that no school can meet need and the education should take place 'other than in school'.

If you are prepared to fight , all the way to tribunal if necessary, lack of funding is NOT a reason for an LA to refuse provision although they will almost always cite this as a reason not to make it in the first place.

A lot of people give up because fighting that, on top of having a SEN child is very difficult and the outlay for private reports that are sometimes needed can put it out of reach.

But it does exist.

Personally, I think you don't know what you are talking about and spouting nonsense you have picked up along the way from others who also don't know what they are talking about.

My DS had much more positive and rewarding social interactions when he was homeschooled. They were shorter and more manageable and consisted of positive interactions with people he wanted to see and who wanted to see him. Being forced to spend most of your time with others, for no other reason than they happen to have been born in the same year as you, doesn't always make for a happy existence. And that applies whether you are SEN or not. Positive social interactions can take place anywhere and everywhere, not just in a school playground.

I feel blessed to have home schooled DS. It was a truly happy time and he benefited immensely.

I know.

Unfortunately when parents fight they can be accused of exaggerating their child’s needs. It can lead to FII allegations and so parents are scared.

Also, it shouldn’t be crap. But it usually is.

I prefer home Ed over EOTAS for us, as it puts my child in control and enables them to learn in the way that suits them. EOTAS isn’t something I’d want although it would mean not paying for exam entry etc.

EOTAS also wouldn’t solve the problem of my work. But neither does school, for us.

I know someone who homeschools and they are the stereotypical hippie/vegan type. (They also don't vaccinate and homeschool probably consists of learning about yoga and chemtrails.) I understand that it's not always like this.

And what are hippies, vegans and antivaxxers supposed to do?

Our home ed isn't curriculum based and we are not aiming for exams, just better mental health. We haven't done yoga or chemtrails yet but great ideas