AIBU that home schooling is as much for the privileged as private school?

[HomeskoolorPrivate]

I see a lot of private school bashing on here, which I guess is fair enough, as it's something that benefits a tiny minority and seems to be something a lot of wanky politicians do. Not so much home schooling, though, which to me is also a thing that only 'rich' people can access. Private school is seen as for toffs, right wing, bad, whereas home schooling is seen as radical, left wing, and generally not judged as much? AIBU that both options are reserved for the highly privileged who can afford to do such things / make huge sacrifices for a radical alternative option to state schooling?

No one in the workplace is going to prejudice your kid for going to a private school. They might get judged by a few self important reverse-snobs, but they are easy to ignore.

True

And they wouldn't know in a lot of situations, unless you tell them or they make a guess because of your accent (has happened on occasion to me).

In order to home school you basically need to be able to survive on one income. That's it. I know that you are financially privileged if you can do that-but not nearly as financially privileged as you need to be to afford private school.

We also have the advantage that we are both self employed and by secondary will be able to involve DS with our work, so we wouldn’t have to give up everything to home educate.

No this isn’t true. Well, it will be for some families but certainly not all.
I homeschooled (out of desperation). DH worked in the day and I worked in the evenings and on Saturdays. It was tough and we sacrificed a lot for many years. Every penny we earnt that we had spare went on the DC. I didn’t buy myself a single item of clothing for about ten years.
It was worth it. They both loved it and did really well out of it. But we definitely weren’t rich (DH a was a minimum wage earner), by any standards.

My children aren’t illiterate. Ds went into school ahead of his peers in most areas. I didn’t unschool but neither did I follow the school curriculum.

However, the peers of his who did unschool and were completely child led, aren’t illiterate either. They do read and write, they just did so later than their schooled peers.

With hindsight I wish I had leaned more to unschooling in the primary years.

I’m a single parent. But work minimal hours whether they’re in school or not due to their SN. It is actually easier for me to work when they are home Ed. The to and fro from school and the dealing with the meltdowns due to the stress of school is harder than home Ed, which I can work around (I work from home).

For many in the SEN community home schooling is the only option and I know plenty of mums living on UC in their council house home schooling a violent child with pda who has been expelled. So I guess it's your view point as you might see that as privileged if your living in squat / crack den I guess.

However I think really you need to understand that you don't need to be uber rich to access private education ( I have two kids in private sen schools paid for by my LA. I'm not rich, I'm a carer right now, but I do know my rights so I have privilege that I can read and understand law hence my kids aren't being home schooled) our Private village school takes in kids from inner London on full bursaries so on speech day you see the 4x4 porches and the mum with a brown paper primark bag packing the kids boarding kit up. All chuffing along together fine, in the rwal world theres not the resentment. Most of the kids are from abroad, boarding.

It's simple to think that everyone who home educates is a hippy that is minted so no need for a job and every child in the private sector is a toff but the reality is you will find a fair share of kids born into and living in poverty with parents who have no chance to ever escape that poverty. Harsh but true. In the despair and hopeless some people can get a break. You can live in poverty but still aspire, research bursaries and get out of state. However anyone who enveys my situation is bloody stupid. One Of my children will never live independently. One was utterly shitted on from height on by state schooling so much so I could prove in tribunal at the Royal courts of Justice no where else but a private school meet his SEN needs. People could look my children and feel jelous ( unlikely unless you covet a non verbal child with asd and severe language disorders) but I look at the kids going to the local state and feel utter despair that isn't my two. Comparison is the thef of joy n all that jazz. Take my kids independent schooling, but wit it comes severe learning difficulties. Feel jelous of the tower hamlet kid getting a 25k a year private school place, so go live in her high rise tiny flat.

I home ed my kids because they cannot cope with school. Even if they were given a place in a special school, they couldn't cope - their issues preclude it utterly. Plus there is no actual education goes on in our local special school. It's purely crowd control; essentially a storage area for out of control kids.

DH was on £16k when we started. No family help. No car, no holidays. I fed us from food schemes (That Bread and Butter Thing is brilliant if you need it) and having the time to shop clearance at the end of the day. The adults in the house lived mainly off value bread and rice. I'm very good at mending things including clothes. I made our treats.

No, it's not a fucking privilege. It's a necessity.

The people I really despise are the smug bastards who say "oh, I'd do anything for my kids, but I couldn't spend all day with them" [tinkly laugh] or "oh I'd love to, but we can't afford it" as they tell me about their second foreign holiday this year, then drive home in a new car. Their kids in new Next or Boden. Yes you could, you just don't want to.

Not a privilege.

I work full time as does DH, we home educate both of our children

In order to home school IN MOST CASES you basically need to be able to manage on one income.
Fixed it.

I home ed and me and DH both work. We're not well off at all, no holidays or money left at the end of the month. It might be the home ed groups we go to but most families we meet are in similar position, barely holding on financially and there are a lot of families where both parents are working.
I feel like people are reverse snobby about private school but absolutely vicious and judgmental about home ed, some seem to see it as akin to child abuse.

@CurlewKate loads of families with kids at private school use one salary for fees and the other for other household expenses. I was one of them. I did think sometimes about giving up work and home schooling. We would have been in the same position financially.

I know someone who homeschools and they are the stereotypical hippie/vegan type. (They also don't vaccinate and homeschool probably consists of learning about yoga and chemtrails.) I understand that it's not always like this.

I agree it's a privilege to be able to stay at home with your children and have no school runs/work. But I don't think people who homeschool are the same level of rich as people who can afford private school. In theory you could home school with one parent working and the other staying home, and survive cheaply on the one income.

It's not always that simple. I couldn't afford to give up work/ potential career advancement / pension contributions but when it felt like the only option for my DS when he refused to go to primary.

A few years later with 2 young homeschooled DSs in tow, my marriage failed and I found myself a single parent trying to manage it all.

I had to be creative since I had given up my career when the kids were young too. I retrained doing an online masters degree, worked part time evenings and weekends when the kids were with their dad, or got babysitters.

I continued to homeschool as the kids were part of an established community by the time I broke up with my ex and didn't want to disrupt their lives further.

It has been exhausting but they are now 16 and 18 and I am almost at the end of my home ed journey.

DS1(18) did really well with his GCSEs, which I had to pay for privately, and after nearly 2 years at 6th form he should be off to uni soon. DS2(16) has already done 5 of his GCSEs, grades so far are 4 x 9s and 1 x A. Has 3 more exams to do this summer and then he's off to 6th form to do 4 A levels.

I don't know if it was the right decision, for me it was a massive sacrifice. But it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Most home ed parents have a mix of ups and downs, as do those whose kids go to school.

But I certainly wouldn't call it a privilege, there is no way I could have afforded private school, we just lived quite simply. Money went on the activities they wanted to do, but a lot is organised cheaply among home ed families. Tutors have only been used minimally for a couple of subjects near exams, but mostly, like others have found, GCSE textbooks have sufficed.

I am fortunate that I eventually remarried and things became easier then. But I had 5 years as a single, part time working, home ed parent. And believe me, I did not feel privileged.

I think its probably my circle, but nealy everyone I know that home schooled was forced into it by lack of sen provision and have suffered financially, losing jobs etc and didnt feel at all privileged. They just felt massively let down and denied the human right to education.

We're a low income home educating family. A little stressed about proposed UC changes to make it so each person in a couple has to work 18 hours , instead of one working 36 hours. It'll cost the government more in childcare.... but as long as we're making it harder for stay at home mothers.
Figuring out a plan, but my husband will likely reduce his hours and share a larger chunk of the educating. But home education is very important to us, so we will have to make it work.
Most of the people who I know who home educate are pretty well off. Pretty sure we are the poorest home educators I know. But we also do more academically than most people we know. If you can afford private school at all, I would consider you well off. We couldn't afford it at all.

I home educate one of my own children and know a lot of home educators and would say most are in the working class or lower middle class categories - certainly haven't met any I would consider priviledged and definitely not in the 'private school' category!

Some home ed families can have one parent permanently at home, either a single parent on benefits or being able to live off one partners wage or having one parent as a registered carer for a disabled child.
Most families still have both parents working though to some extent - for example doing cleaning jobs early morning, parents working opposite shifts, working from home, mobile hair/beauty services where they can take a child with them.

Lots of families find themselves essentially forced into pretty impoverished situations because their children with SEN can't attend school as there is such a lack of support.

Why would they do that ? Surely it matter what the household working hours are and whether that’s one partner or both is irrelevant otherwise they are unfairly taking away choices from people that can severely impact their family life

I home schooled out of desperation due to un met needs at school. We aren't privileged or rich. Just parents seeing their child heading for a crisis and trying to do the best for them.

There was a thread here on it a few weeks ago.

There was so much vitriol that people could claim UC with only one half of a couple working full time.

But if both worked part time, it was fine.

I'm not saying home school families are rich, but I don't think people working 2 full time wages with with kids at private school is rich either, because of how much it costs. Both are choosing to educate differently but on MN you generally see that private school families get flamed but I think I'm reading the wrong threads bc home schooled families on this thread looks like they feel judged as well, which isn't the case in my social circles. I'm not in a position to do either due to if I give up work I won't be able to go back after ten or more years and we couldn't afford fees but maybe could with a bursary. But then I was overthinking as lots on here (and in RL) judge private school families.

Most people I know who homeschool do so because their children were not coping in mainstream school.

I home ed DD but I'm not rich. We get tax credits and disability benefits and muddle our way through. School was damaging her mental health so I took her out.

Spending a lot of money doesn't make you 'not rich' - it just means you are rich and spend a lot of money.
People who earn £100k plus are high earners, they are in the very top earning percentiles - even if they spend a big chunk on school fees (or holidays or a huge mortgage) it doesn't change that.

I have five children. So private school wise that could be 40k per term. I don’t earn that on a year…. So I’d say no… they aren’t comparable