To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

My husband takes our 4 year old girl in the disabled loo.
Should he take her in the men's, possibly urinal only toilet, or have her walk past the men with their bits out to the one cubicle in there.

You do realise that men have to poo as well sometimes - so men's facilities also have at least one cubicle available?

Also, have you never seen inside a men's toilet - even on TV? The urinals are against the wall, designed so that all you would see is men's backs; they don't jump around the middle of the room doing big willy windmills as they wee.

So if is a shared space for disabled and baby change the 4 year old should not be in there.

My ds was 5 when he started wanting to use the men's. He really didn't want to use the womens. It was a source of huge anxiety when he would insist on the men's and run in there. And much waiting around the door, calling out, and occasionally asking the assistance of random men when he was taking his time. it's an anxious rite of passage. But it needs to be done. Maybe not that young ideally. But the child normally leads the way on this anyway.

The ladies toilets here often have long queues. My 8 year old DS still comes in with me because I also have a DD and I can’t leave him outside unattended in a busy area while we queue for a ridiculous amount of time.

Would giving boys a personal alarm be OTT? There's no choice after 8 or so, they have to use men's facilities. I do worry though.

I struggle with this. My boys haven't wanted to use the ladies for a year or 2 now (they are 10& 8) but both are vulnerable (ASD) and have 1:1 at school. I try to use the disabled toilets if possible with my youngest who would be very vulnerable using some men's loos. If that's not available I would try and use the women's. A supervised 8 year old is not a threat to women. An unsupervised 8 year old with social communication difficulties is at greater risk in the men's toilets.

A supervised 8 year old is not a threat to women

They might be to an 8 year old girl, though.

Exactly! I've never heard of anyone dodgy in any of our public loos, in daylight hours anyway, nor have I heard of a single incident. Only in MN land is every man alive perceived as a threat.

Well by definition having children does limit one's movements and activities, and in response to a PP a child can need the toilet very suddenly. A child with ASD is limited in movements, activities and senses.
I would only use a disabled toilet if it was clear no one else needed it. I wouldn't linger and would be out within a minute. I don't see the issue and would do this rather then send my anxious child into the men's on his own.

An 8 year old boy is too old to be in the ladies toilet, unless there are significant special needs at play.

I've only boys so other thought about it but I think I'd actually rather dad's brought their little girls under say 7 in the ladies than the girls go in the men's with them and see the urinals and maybe penises. Maybe dad's all use the disabled?

When should a girl out with her Dad use the ladies?

Why would you be standing topless in the open area of a public toilet?

Why are the dads in your scenario lifting their daughters up in the air to look over the shoulder of men using the urinals?

So by that logic you think an 8 year old is able to defend himself if approached by a predatory male while alone in the men's toilets?

I believe in single sex safe spaces for women too but I genuinely do not see what threat a child is to a grown woman.

I have a daughter so maybe I do not get it. My late husband was a 'stay at home' parent for the early years and obviously had to take her to the mens and the same with changing rooms if not mixed. She is older now, we both swim and I get really annoyed at parents bringing older boys approaching puberty into female spaces. They stare, make the space uncomfortable and where does it end? I am a child protection social worker of nearly 20 years. An 8 year upwards old boy (no additional needs) should be perfectly able to use a changing room after swimming by themselves with a bit of safety planning without creating the fear that every adult is a sexual predator.

Jesus Christ, MN is obsessed with toilets.
However, in the real world no one gives a fuck.

Also "disabled" toilets are toilets that are accessible to disabled people. They aren't for the exclusive use of disabled people. It's not like someone else using them instantly makes them unusable to a disabled person.

Often they are the ones with baby changing tables etc. I often use them with my little ones because there is more space and it's easier/cleaner to change them there than doing it on the floor of the "normal" toilets.

I’m just going to say a 4 year old is still very young and as someone with a baby and is entitled to use a shared space disabled toilet I wouldn’t think anything of a 4 or even 5 year old using it

you never know when a child needs help

people policing the disabled toilets on here are very weird especially as in real life disabled people are often the most helpful (in my experience) and considerate

So it's now not ok for boys to go in the women's toilets, they should be sent to the men's on their own.
But it's fine for a man to take a little girl into the men's with him.
That doesn't make the men in there uncomfortable at all.
And of course he should never go in the womans or empty toilet that is made accessible .

I think he'll stick with taking her into the disabled loo until there is a law that says otherwise.
Unless there is a disabled person that would need to use it first, in that case we would just let her wet herself

Get off your dam high horses, these are little kids that need a wee!

Really? So an 8 year old boy is a threat to an 8 year old girl? Especially in a female dominated space? You have some serious issues to resolve.

I'd say 4 in the absence of additional needs. I had a boy but he would have been fine alone in the women's at 4, he was using the cubicle alone at 3.

But how many of them are there in the average restaurant toilet, or tourist attraction? Ok, you might be wary about public toilets in a park (for either sex, honestly), but if you are in soft play I think your 8 year old can use the gents.

Where do you live that public toilets have separate family rooms?

Whatever it is must be absolutely terrifying, or we wouldn't have so many men in the Ladies "for safety".

@Scotlandma

I’m just going to say a 4 year old is still very young and as someone with a baby and is entitled to use a shared space disabled toilet I wouldn’t think anything of a 4 or even 5 year old using it

you never know when a child needs help

The 4 year old mentioned isn't a baby and was on her own with her dad. I get she needs help but she can have that help elsewhere, surely?

people policing the disabled toilets on here are very weird especially as in real life disabled people are often the most helpful (in my experience) and considerate

I don't think it's policing so much as protecting, or at least trying to anyway. The common 'if no one is using it' thing winds me up because if no one is using it and people leave it alone it remains available for the disabled person. If someone uses it the availability has been removed needlessly.

Suggesting people are 'policing' is a negative take on something which is actually really positive. People fought hard for these spaces and damn right they should be protected.