Page 2 | To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

Scotlandma · 2023-04-27T21:05:05+00:00

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own? and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

Original poster

Scotlandma · 27/04/2023 22:15

CaroleSinger · 27/04/2023 22:11

By the same logic would they not allow their 9 year old daughter to use ladies toilets?

…obviously if you’re a mum so obviously a woman you can wait inside the women’s toilets.

OP posts:

pfftt · 27/04/2023 22:16

Danskekat · 27/04/2023 22:13

Noting the comments on disabled toilets above, is it not the case that someone with a disability has priority using a disabled toilet in the event that two people both need to use it? Rather than a person who doesn’t have a disability not being permitted to use it? I have a baby and often use the disabled toilet as I can get both me and my baby’s pram in. Should I not be doing so?

There is no 'blue badge' for using an accessible toilet. If someone has sudden explosive diarrhoea I would fully assume they would use whatever toilet they could get to. Not all disabilities are visible. I can't stand the toilet monitors on MN

aberlot · 27/04/2023 22:16

Realist2022 · 27/04/2023 22:15

As a single parent my DS (age 9) has been using the men's for the last 18 months I trust him, I wait for him and I would go in after him after 5 mins.

I don't think anyone is suggesting they don't trust their child.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/04/2023 22:17

CaroleSinger · 27/04/2023 22:11

By the same logic would they not allow their 9 year old daughter to use ladies toilets?

99% of sex crimes aren't committed by women. I'll take my boy into the women's until he's 8/9.

thatsn0tmyname · 27/04/2023 22:17

If it's a public loo in a park or near a playground I will definitely lurk by the door of the men's if he cannot find a friend to go with.

shyalice · 27/04/2023 22:18

Just go into the men’s with him.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 27/04/2023 22:19

I have let my 6 year old use the men's loos on his own in a place I know well and know (and trust) many of the men there.

TeapotTitties · 27/04/2023 22:19

liveforsummer · 27/04/2023 22:11

At 9? I'd not expect to see a 9 year old boy in ladies toilets. I work in a school and some of the 9 year old boys are nearly as tall as some of the staff

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If you work in a school then you should know that height has absolutely nothing to do with maturity.

Irridescantshimmmer · 27/04/2023 22:20

Simonjt · 27/04/2023 22:06

Why shouldn’t children use the mens toilet? What is the MN obsession with toilets, its like a weird fetish.

Predatory males prey on young boys, mens toilets are not safe when an older, stronger male can over power a child, especially a 9 year old.

This message may be clear as mud to some and not to others.

8state · 27/04/2023 22:20

Boys are very vulnerable in men's toilets, obviously. It does depend on the loo, like a busy one is probably safer than an empty one in a park, for example.

PieMashLiquor · 27/04/2023 22:21

8/9 into the men's with me outside

Hotvimto3 · 27/04/2023 22:22

My son is 8. I dont let him go in mens toilets. He comes with me or we both use disabled. Not a hope in hell hes exposing himself alone with grown men.

Original poster

Scotlandma · 27/04/2023 22:22

Danskekat · 27/04/2023 22:13

Noting the comments on disabled toilets above, is it not the case that someone with a disability has priority using a disabled toilet in the event that two people both need to use it? Rather than a person who doesn’t have a disability not being permitted to use it? I have a baby and often use the disabled toilet as I can get both me and my baby’s pram in. Should I not be doing so?

i think that’s reasonable obviously if there was a disabled person there maybe let them go first but usually they even put the baby changing tables in disabled toilets.

also… as not all disabilities are visible I think it would be wrong for someone to confront you

OP posts:

toastunderpate · 27/04/2023 22:22

I have 10 and 11 year old boys, one with diagnosed autism. I am also a single mum.

I judge each situation on its merits. Local quiet village supermarket where I can stand outside the gents and have no fear of going in if I thought they were taking too long v's busy motorway services with queues out the door, fast turnaround of men using the huge facilities, I'd likely use the disabled for all 3 of us or all go in the ladies there. My autistic child would struggle with the motorway services situation without my reassurance and I would worry about overall safety.

It's a hidden disability so I have no qualms using the disabled in those circumstances and if that wasn't an option I think my pre pubescent boys with me in the ladies would not be considered a threat to any other woman, many of whom would be mothers themselves and understand the challenge/dilemma.

FlyingPandas · 27/04/2023 22:22

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/04/2023 22:09

My son is 8 and I'm now at the point where I send him into the men's loos. I fucking hate it tbh but I can't be an advocate for the preservation of single sex spaces whilst expecting other women to be ok with my son coming into the women's loos, and 8+ seems to be the time when it becomes less acceptable.

This!

I am a mother to three boys and 8 was the age that they were despatched into mens toilets/mens changing rooms etc.

Unless there are majorly significant SEN involved it is absolutely and completely unacceptable for a boy over the age of 8 to be in female toilets or changing spaces.

Tbh even if there are some SEN a boy should ideally still be in the male changing rooms assuming they are high functioning enough (DS1 has HFA/ADHD and was changing independently in male changing rooms and going into male toilets by age 8).

Quveas · 27/04/2023 22:23

Are they disabled? If so why would you think it's ok to use the disabled facilities?

Hotvimto3 · 27/04/2023 22:23

FlyingPandas · 27/04/2023 22:22

This!

I am a mother to three boys and 8 was the age that they were despatched into mens toilets/mens changing rooms etc.

Unless there are majorly significant SEN involved it is absolutely and completely unacceptable for a boy over the age of 8 to be in female toilets or changing spaces.

Tbh even if there are some SEN a boy should ideally still be in the male changing rooms assuming they are high functioning enough (DS1 has HFA/ADHD and was changing independently in male changing rooms and going into male toilets by age 8).

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No its not

Okunevo · 27/04/2023 22:24

DS went in at 6, with me outside. Disabled toilet is for people with disabilities.

Bellevu · 27/04/2023 22:25

Question why can't you as a mother take your 7+ old son into the men's toilets?

He goes in the sex appropriate loos and you supervise to ensure he is safe.

Why isn't this ever an option over a 10 year old using the women's toilets?

greenspaces4peace · 27/04/2023 22:25

honestly a gradual thing different washrooms in different area's.
a restaurant single washroom one men's one's women. yes a 3-4-5 year old can go alone, larger venue (airport) open door with urinals 5-6-7, public swimming pool (longer time exposed than quick pee, bully teens, etc) i might wait till 8.
same with family/disabled washrooms in some places it's the best option in some places it's not.

ilovesooty · 27/04/2023 22:25

Hotvimto3 · 27/04/2023 22:22

My son is 8. I dont let him go in mens toilets. He comes with me or we both use disabled. Not a hope in hell hes exposing himself alone with grown men.

So why do you think it is OK for the two of you to use disabled facilities.

Secondwindplease · 27/04/2023 22:25

I understand why women bring their boys in the loo and wouldn’t stand in the way. However, it does annoy me that because women aren’t generally predators we get stuck with all the children all the time. Same as it annoys me that if someone needs to sit next to a person on a bus, they will choose me because ‘nice lady won’t mind’.

I’d bloody love to be a man and be given a wide birth all the time.

Also, the sooner we move to individual bathrooms for individual people in public spaces the better. Would solve literally all gender/toilet issues and keep everyone safer as well, and where it exists it is always more civilised. Surely that’s worth a bit more square footage to do.

Hotvimto3 · 27/04/2023 22:26

8state · 27/04/2023 22:20

Boys are very vulnerable in men's toilets, obviously. It does depend on the loo, like a busy one is probably safer than an empty one in a park, for example.

Absolutely.. if its a one cubicle loo he goes the mens. If its at a play centre or school he uses the mens. Otherwise he comes with me.

kitsuneghost · 27/04/2023 22:26

I think at 9 they should be in the men's. I wouldn't like to be standing topless and a 9 year old boy come in. My 9 year old nephew is as big me. Seems weird.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/04/2023 22:27

I obviously don't speak for everybody but as the parent of a disabled child, I really really think if your young children need the toilet and only the accessible one is available, you should use it.