To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

I posted upthread about what happened to me at 9 years old when in a women’s changing room with boys of 9 or 10. Weirdly enough, yes, it gave me serious issues that I’ve had to resolve.

And I said “might”, not “is”.

Well, my dd's used the men's toilets regularly when they were little, whenever they were out with their df. They appear unscarred. Are we now suggesting dc should never be out with their dad alone, ever?

It's very clear to me that dc go with their parent when small, but there is definitely a cut off when they need to be in the right gender toilet and not be inappropriately invaded the private space of the other gender.

Nobody objects to little boys in the ladies. Older ones aged 8 and up I would make it clear I was waiting outside for him maybe shout if he’s ok so any predators know he is not alone.

9 year old goes into the mens by himself. He knows to leave if he feels uncomfortable, which has never happened because, y'know, the number of men who are actually about to harm a boy in a public toilet is actually really, really, really small.

My boy was 5, nearly 6 when he started insisting, I mean INSISTING on using the mens. The absolute storm he made when I tried to suggest he come in the ladies with me. So I soon gave that up. Of course something bad could have happened to him in there, though I waited outside and would have gone in if needed. But hes 28 now and something bad could still happen to him in mens toilets. Or anywhere. Such is life. I don't think you'll get many lads who have to use sexed toilets at school consenting to use the wrong sex toilets out of school.

But I thought the dodgy weirdos were pretending to be women in ladies loos!

My 8 year old wanted me to let him go into the men’s loos at Sainsbury’s recently. I didn’t let him. There are so many perverts who walk among us in plain sight. My son is small for his age as well which I think makes him more vulnerable. I wouldn’t let my 6 year old daughter use the women’s loos alone for the same reason.

So many posters on here are obviously fake and don't have sons. What mother thinks right, you're 8, you can go into the men's alone with god knows who is in there? It's absurd. I generally use the disabled toilets if I'm with my sons (7 and 4) because there is more room for us and I don't feel guilty because we are all taking a quick pee, not having a party. If not, we go into the ladies because its generally far cleaner than the men's and all the bloody toilets are behind CLOSED DOORS. The worse an 8 year old is going to see, is someone washing their hands (or not as the case seems to be more often than you think)!

I don't get this stuff. Schools are mega hot on safeguarding - nobody who isn't dbs checked or whatever gets anywhere near kids unsupervised. Or is even allowed on the premises without a badge and escort. Now shift to a public place, and boys of 8yo are expected to go into the mens loos without an adult, and (to be blunt) take their underwear down. It makes no sense when you compare the two.

Happy for them to campaign for third spaces.

I think when they are younger and will be out with you it's easier in some ways. You can wait outside for them. When they get to 12 or 13 and may be out without you it's more concerning. It's a fine balancing act of telling them how to look after themselves as much as possible and not being too paranoid, I've had two male friends who were assaulted in public toilets, one in his teens, the other was 10 years old, so I do worry.

Another reason just to have all individual cubicles off the main concourse tbh. Urinals should be completely done away with.

Alas, agree.
My son will come out and say "the men's toilets are gross" but what choice? I always stand outside and tbh would go in if he took an overly long time.

No, you should not be doing so. Those toilets are for those with disabilities, not those with temporary inconveniences such as large prams/push chairs UNLESS the venue has made it a dual baby change/disabled accessible toilet in which case use it if you need to change the baby.

Disabled people already have to wait longer for the one accessible toilet if there is another disabled person in there, and we usually take longer too.

Adding in people who have no right to be there at all, OR people taking advantage of the venues cheeky AF combining of baby change and accessible accomodations for the disabled when they DON'T actually need to change the baby... means we end up with the very real risk of accidents every time we go out.

I dunno if you've had to clean up adult shit from a leaked stoma or an adult who has crapped themselves when they wouldn't normally thus are not prepared... but its a real bummer.

@fitzwilliamdarcy I'm sorry for your experience. I can only guess that those young boys had no responsible and safe adult with them ensuring their behaviour was better and not abusive to you. My boys wouldn't dream of behaving in that way and I certainly wouldn't take my eye off the ball to even allow the opportunity never the less the act.

I think we forget that young boys are as vulnerable to predatory and malicious adult males as much as girls are.

I have issues with VAWG. Boys are as vulnerable to violence as girls. If we don't include boys in the agenda we exclude their fear and trauma and suffering and we don't stop the cycle.

Mothers can be asked to leave their 14+ boys with an abuser to get access to a refuge when they are children still.

If we embrace boys as in need of safeguarding and attention we may have less predatory men one day.

Obviously someone with a disability has priority using a disabled toilet….it is a DISABLED TOILET!! In fact it isn’t just a priority, if someone doesn’t have a disability they shouldn’t be using it! It is in no way, shape or form a baby changing area, so no you shouldn’t be using it!

@Scotlandma “I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them” You should be concerned that someone disabled might need to use them. That’s the whole point, they are solely for DISABLED PEOPLE!

Yes, as you may have gathered, this does really annoy me. As a disabled person, I’m really fed up that some people think that Disabled toilets can be used by mums and babies, for 8/9 year old boys or just because there is a queue for the normal toilets and they don’t want to wait! It beggars belief, that people are so entitled to think, that it is okay for them to use disabled facilities, when they are not in fact disabled.

I’d gladly swap my disability with any non-disabled posters who think they’re entitled to use the Disabled Toilets!

Except there aren't. Statistically, there is only an infinitesimally small increase in the chance of meeting a weirdo than there was 100 years ago. The only difference now is that they're are more people in the planet, hence more weirdos. Unfortunately, a good proportion of child abuse happens when the victim already knows the assailant. QED less likely to be in a public bog.

It's like the fascination with dog attacks. 1 in 6.7 million chance, but there's a thread almost daily. Same thing too as the dog is usually known to the victim.

And why anyone cares about Robbie Williams' sec life, I have no clue.

Yes, I prefer these. I think they would solve a lot of problems.

But safeguarding is not about assuming the best. It is impossible to know who and where the predators are. Prepubescent boys are just as vulnerable as prepubescent girls and parents and carers have to do their best to safeguard children of either sex, for as long as necessary, based on the individual child's needs and maturity levels. If that means accompanying a boy to use a female space, then so be it. It's not ideal, but it's the way it has to be.

I think pps who are claiming that girls are not made uncomfortable by older boys in their toilet space are kidding themselves.

In my view, if an older boy is, for whatever reason, not able to use the correct gender toilets or changing rooms, the answer is for them to adapt their choices (e.g. plan to access suitable family toilets), not to overstep girl's boundaries.

What should I do when I have my baby with me and the baby changing is in the disabled toilet? If it’s by no way a baby changing area why are there baby changing facilities in some disabled toilets??

I spent years hovering outside the gents , and more often than not, calling out 'Tommy are you ok?' (not his real name) with DS2. He has autism and was only partly verbal at 8 but by 10 he had hit puberty and it didn't 'look ok' to take him in the ladies even though it was clear he has SN. I did get a radar key for him but even then disabled loos aren't always available/ clean.
On several occasions when he had been in there ages I had to ask men to go and check on him... I usually asked someone with kids. (Turned out he also has Ulerative Colitis so the radar key is vital!)

With DS1 he was independent very early and wouldn't come in the ladies by 7, so off he went. Again...I hovered by the doorway. I spent years hovering by men's loos!

@Annon1234

Nobody is saying you vent use the baby change if it's a shared facility. It's that nobody should be using it for an older child who does not need that changing facility and is not disabled.

Same here.

The person above literally said if your not disabled you shouldn’t be going in them