To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

My son started going in men’s toilets about 7 or 8. I’d just hang around outside. And if your son is exposing himself in the loo you’re doing something wrong @Hotvimto3

I’m fairly protective, and my ds is small and not at all ‘streetwise’. However at 9 he is happily using the men’s toilets and would be most embarrassed if it tried to drag him into the ladies. I was with my 5 yo dd in the ladies last week and there was a boy of about 9 in there and she loudly asked “why is he in here?”. I obviously told her to shush, but she couldn’t understand why he wasn’t in the boys toilets like her brother was!

From the age of 4, they go into school toilets alone and public toilets are no different. Unless the child actually needs help going to the toilet and getting dressed, I would send them in. However, we live fairly rurally so the likelihood is the toilets are empty anyway. I have to admit I would have a much higher age limit for the public toilets at London train stations or busy venues.

My younger daughter tends to use the disabled toilet - she has autism and can find public toilets too noisy, crowded, bright and smelly.

Blimey, you all know some tall 9yos. Even my 11yo is nowhere near my very average height.

It's like Mumsnet think every single man on the planet is a dodgy sex criminal. If I take my 7 and 9 year old swimming, they get changed in the men's by themselves and meet me on the other side. There's a sign in the women's saying no boys over 8, and splitting them up seems silly.

Some of these post do make me feel for single mums I don’t have an older child but personally I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with my son of say 10 years going in to a male changing room after swimming for example when they could be in there for 10 minutes +

but I understand women not wanting a 10 year old to see them get changed

By 8 they should be able to go into 99% of gents alone. The 1% is reserved for dodgy public toilet blocks in a quiet area of a park after dark 🤣

Start them young in gents that are busy, and you can hover outside and build on it from there.

@Cherryblossoms85 No they don’t but it only takes one man to be a sex criminal for sexual assault.

so are you suggesting we pretend sex offenders aren’t real?

*I understand why women bring their boys in the loo and wouldn’t stand in the way. However, it does annoy me that because women aren’t generally predators we get stuck with all the children all the time. Same as it annoys me that if someone needs to sit next to a person on a bus, they will choose me because ‘nice lady won’t mind’.

I’d bloody love to be a man and be given a wide birth all the time.*

Agree @Secondwindplease.

DS was 6 at swimming. He was only taking off swim shorts and pulling on a tshirt, pants and joggers, did his shoes on the bench outside. It took a few minutes.

Not the point but why was one poster topless in the loos? Having I been peeing wrong all these years?

What's the issue with people using disabled toilets who aren't disabled? If it's safer and easier and doesn't invade on any women for me and my children (a baby and older boy but still a child) and there is no one else who is waiting to use them I'll use them.

The issue is the facility is not for them, how doesn’t it invade on any women when there are many women who have disabilties that mean they require additional facilities for personal care when out and about.

My 8 year old ds uses the mens toilets and has for the last couple of years. There have been a couple of exceptions, deserted inner city multistorey car park toilets at night sort of scenarios but 99 percent of the time he uses the appropriate toilets for his sex. As far as I'm aware his school friends do similar.

@whereaw Some people need the toilet urgently and can only use that toilet. An older boy can use the men's unless he has a disability that means he requires supervision beyond 8. A baby goes with the parent.

Yeah, I stopped swimming at 9 because I hit puberty early and mums of boys were bringing their 10 year olds into the changing rooms because they couldn’t get changed by themselves and they saw them as innocent.

Same boys would comment on my breasts and on a couple of occasions reach out and grab them whilst their mums weren’t looking.

The problem as always is that adult men can’t be trusted but what happens is that girls and women pay the price, as spaces become “men” and “boys” rather than men and women.

My DH has a Daughter- it caused no end of problems when he took her out and and she needed the loo. He couldn't go to the ladies with her so just had to hover outside the ladies looking like a weirdo.

You need to stop this, Satsuma. He's 37 now. He can use the men's on his own.

Being a single mum is kind of a red herring though tbh. I'm married but there have been many many many times when I've been on my own with our boys (swimming lessons during the week, activities in holidays etc when DH is at work) and have not had a helpful adult male parent in tow to accompany the DC to the loo/changing rooms.

So into the mens they should go. 8y + is honestly fine unless (a) there are significant SEN as I mentioned about or (b) mum is too anxious about it to be able to cope with the idea of it, which is sad for the DC involved but obviously does happen. As others have said, only on mumsnet is every male user of a public toilet a potential child abuser.

I'm so sorry that happened to you it sounds terrifying

@Scotlandma Sex offenders are real. And they are mostly online or known to the child, sadly. if you can't handle the theoretical risk of a same sec public toilet, well, why take any risks at all? Why put them in the car and drive anywhere at night, or let them ride a bike, or anything that's part of everyday life? Children can come to harm, but I'm not going to march into a men's toilet, or have tall kids in women's toilets, on some wildly unlikely scenario.

10 year olds are capable of going in the changing rooms by themselves. At 11 they are heading off to secondary school, maybe catching 2 buses across town, or taking the tube or train by them selves, hanging about in the park after school etc you have to start giving them some
freedom and independence before that so they are prepared and don’t get run over on their first day without you by their side.

I've been letting my kids go to the loo on their own since they could be trusted to wipe themselves and leave the loo in a reasonable state (somewhere between 6 and 7). For the first year I would take them to the entrance and wait for them outside. Once they were about 8 I would let them go on their own (from the table in a restaurant, say) most of the time.

Thank you @strawberryfluff.

Just go into the men’s with him.

So is it acceptable for a dad to take his young DD into the ladies'? I've seen a couple of threads where dads have been doing just this and the conclusion, unsurprisingly, is that a grown male does not belong in a women's toilet. If one set of toilets is a free-for-all for adults of both sexes, how can you then insist on preserving the other as single-sex only (other than for accompanied little kids)?

Predatory males prey on young boys, mens toilets are not safe when an older, stronger male can over power a child, especially a 9 year old.

This message may be clear as mud to some and not to others.

So do you think that elderly, slightly-built and any other men who couldn't fight a big, strong, young man should all be welcomed into the women's toilets as well?