To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

So I’m guessing you won’t be happy to here that disabled people don’t even get first dibs at the use of a disabled toilet then.
Nor does anyone have to apologise for using it.
Its the law
Perhaps campaigning to change it would help you and others. Then overall provision for all will be updated and extra appropriate provision provided to avoid difficult situations.
As a female architect myself and others have been doing this for years, we can’t even get acceptance from clients to offset a WC within a cubicle space to allow room for a sanitary bin nor a wider space for it. Trying to get extra disabled spaces has been on this ever growing list for years.

You'd better hope that Katie Dolatowski doesn't get early release.

For as long as men can walk into the women's toilets so long as they proclaim their innate womanliness, the threat exists in women's toilets just as much as in the men's.

@DdraigGoch It's been stated anyone can go into any toilet they want these days, you don't need to be trans. Legally anyone can go anywhere, I think. So sex segregated toilets aren't a thing, boys, men, girls, women, disabled or not - can go anywhere. I am not quite sure when this happened.

Yes, the odd person using them isn't going to make much difference. If it becomes more common then it will quickly restrict access for those who absolutely cannot use standard facilities.

There was never a law because the social convention was seldom broken. It was a particularly brave predator who risked going into the women's toilets.

Then a bunch of shady campaigning organisations started to upend society.

So @Jonei, just to sum up your views on this thread. Mothers of boys aged 8 upwards should send them into male toilets and manage risk.

Yes

Doing anything else is pure paranoia, even though some young boys do get assaulted in toilets when alone.

You are over inflating the risk. I don't disagree that it it happens. But when stacked up against the amount of boys who go to the toilet numerous times a day, it's still a very small chance. Plus, you do your risk assessment and stand at the door. If not then (around 8) then when? 12? 14? Never?

Self contained unisex toilets are an unacceptable alternative for women because there is a risk that a woman could be pushed into one and raped.

That's right

I have a couple of questions about this because it doesn't really make sense to me.
How is the risk to women in a self contained toilet real while the risk to boys in male toilets is just paranoia? I'm sure we can find examples of both groups being assaulted.

There's not a physical risk from small boys. As they grow older and reach adolescence though, it's not really on for women and girls to share with them. Is it? I'm not happy to. My daughter would hold it in rather than share with an older boy. Why does boys rights trump hers in the toilets for her own sex?

If risk to boys is easily managed with a personal alarm, would this not also work for women in most places?

Do you mean that I need to still have my mother at the door with my alarm, because women never taught their boys, who grow into men, which toilet they should go to?

really?

My daughter would hold it in rather than share with an older boy.

Really? She'd rather not go than let a boy see her wash her hands? How sad. How does she get on in every day life if she's so freaked out by boys? Perhaps she's picked up on your own paranoia about boys with their mums, in girls loos? Maybe instead of belittling and judging other parents and boys, you should check your own parenting. Your daughter sounds far from well adjusted.

Wow.

Anyways I can categorically say I have never left any toilet wet, messy, horrible etc. I have been in and out and cleaned up any mess my toddler has made. And when I have a baby who barely sleeps, if he dare go down for a nap you can rest assured I will not be waking if I need to dash in for a minute pee, but not because I just can't be arsed and baby will go back to sleep immediately when placed back in pram after all the commotion.

You might not appreciate an apology, but luckily I have also met many lovely disabled/people. I have yet to meet someone waiting on me outside, but if I do then of course I will apologise regardless.

I bet you don't even see the irony and hypocrisy in typing that 😂

Well yes I do. She has constantly judged my parenting and even relished in the fact that my sons will be ridiculed. They're even going to feature on tiktok apparently. Just throwing it back on her.

The difference is she isn't actually doing anything wrong. Her daughter is supposed to be in that bathroom. Your son isn't. It's your paranoia, parenting and disregard for others that might lead to your son being ridiculed in the future.

My son isn't going to be ridiculed. He's a small boy - he still holds my hand in the street, through choice. Nobody points at him and laughs. Perhaps we don't live near small minded, nasty twats? Even if he was, I'd sooner that than the chance of him being abused.

Anyway, I don't need your permission nor anybody else's. I shall continue to take him in the ladies with me as long as I feel is appropriate.

CellophaneFlower

I totally sheee.Your child, your safeguarding decisions. Every child, circumstances and situation differs. You are the parent, you decise when it comes to mental well being and keeping your child safe.

Agree

If not then (around 8) then when? 12? 14? Never?
This is my thinking. At 13 DS was barely 5ft and 6 stone. He still wasn't 'safe' if I'd been waiting for that. I sent him in the men's when he was no longer happy to go in the women's and I thought he was capable of calling out if need be.

I could have kept making him come with me for another year, tops, before he would have just refused to go to the toilet. He wouldn't have been much more safe two inches taller though.

Yes, it's very clear you are going to do what you want to do. But I still don't understand why you're getting upset/annoyed/aggressive/defensive that not everyone supports you. When you make choices that impact on other people, of course you're going to have people who disagree with those choices. You don't care how what you're doing affects others, but for some reason you care about their opinions of you. That doesn't make sense.

No I care about parents thinking they should base their safeguarding decisions on ridiculous MN threads.

Who is doing that? Not one person here is going to change what they're doing based on a people on the Internet.

Good, hope not. So lecturing parents on what they should do as regards safeguarding is a bit pointless then.

Goodness, a (presumably) mother mocking my teenage daughter because she doesn't want to be in a space where she undresses, with males in there.

A teenage girl was raped at her school last year. In the changing rooms. It's no wonder my daughter is careful. And worried about males in her space. As are many of her friends. The perpetrator is still in the school.

And then there's women like you that mock my daughter for not wanting boys to be around whilst she is vulnerable with her knickers round her ankles.

Because you think he should have the right to be there, and people like my daughter need to be happy with that.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. But I can see the values you're teaching your son. No wonder things have got so much worse for women and girls when there's women like you encouraging males to ignore women and girls privacy and sex based rights.

@Jonei are you aware of the 14 year old boy who was raped in a men's toilet in a Manchester shopping centre? Your daughter has the luxury of a locked door and a private cubicle, that poor boy didn't.

Get a grip.

In the toilet for her sex. You get a grip. Women and girls are not your son's support animals or shield against other males.

I have a friend who took her children with oozing chicken pox to the outdoor play park at IKEA because she thought it was cruel and unfair to keep her children indoors (and she was bored with trying to entertain them at home). That was her parenting decision to make. She didn't care about there potentially being immune-compromised children at that park, or their pregnant mothers. She only cared about her kids. Personally, I thought she was incredibly selfish, and she has continued to prove it over the years. She at least doesn't send her son into the female bathroom because "he's a boy!". She sends him into the disabled toilet while she waits outside and tells people he's autistic if they say anything to her 🙄

Are you really suggesting 14 year old boys should be going into the ladies?

People are allowed to have opinions on decision other people make which impact on them and their loved ones.