To think boys shouldn’t go in to men’s toilets???

[Scotlandma]

This is hypothetical I seen another post about someone not letting their 9 year old use mens public bathrooms

what age do other people let their children go in to toilets on their own?

and how do you navigate them using the disabled toilets if not?? I’d be so worried in case someone actually disabled needed them

Anti women who spout drivel, I’ll hold my hand up to that.

8 year old boys are vulnerable too.

If I felt I had to send my 8 year old boy into the men's alone (unlikely) I would stand with a foot in the door entrance and keep talking to him.

No one is at risk when I take my son (a child) into the toilets with me. You are the ones who are being absolutely ridiculous.

You think you spout drivel? Well fair enough if that's what you think about yourself.
I suppose that's a start on the critical thinking journey. We all have to start somewhere.

It depends how old your child is. If he's 7. Fine. If he's 14. Not fine. It's a problem.

That's what women usually do. Stand at the door, sometimes with a foot in the door. Calling out to check they are ok.

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make?

it sounds like you’re trying to whip up an argument rather than actually take on my point and decide whether you agree 🤷‍♀️

Ill take my DS into women’s toilets until I’m comfortable that he is big enough to no longer be a target for paedophiles.

Ive also gone into gents toilets with him. No one has said anything.

Obviously if I had my way, I’d wrap him up in cotton wool until he was 50. It’s not an option though 😂

but I’ll make a risk assessment as he grows.

So what's the difference with mum waiting outside the gents?

There isn't a difference. Mum waits outside the gents.

But lots of people are saying they won't send the boys Into the gents. But OK for dad to send daughter into the ladies

A dad doesn't need to go into the ladies to protect his daughter because women aren't a threat to young girls. But it's not safe for young boys to be alone in a bathroom with strange men because men are a threat. That's the whole point.

Exactly. The women themselves on here think men's toilets are the threat, yet they're happy to send young boys there. Sad really.

My son would have wet himself before being taken into the men's with his mum. He was embarrassed to use the women's once he was 6 but me in the wrong place would have been more conspicuous. Luckily he was ready to use the men's on his own.

Can someone please tell me what risk a male child with its mother is to females?

Depends on the age of the child. It's not just about risk. It's about dignity and respect for women and girls. By 8 they really should be able to go to the men's independently. 10 is pushing it. 11, and still in the women's, is way too old.

Toddlers can be ready to use toilets alone. It’s not about being ready, it’s about being safe.

Plenty of 6 year olds are “ready” to use the male toilets on their own. The six year old child raped in my local macdonalds was ready to go to the toilet alone.

Unfortunately he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and someone unsavoury was loitering. This entire event happened in under 3 minutes. The parents didn’t even suspect a thing until they found his bloody underwear that night.

Dignity, how?
Genuine question. As all public toilets I’ve ever been in have had their own cubicles with doors.
Unless washing hands afterwards can be seen as undignified, I really fail to see that point of view. But I’m wanting to hear more.

i started letting my DS go on his own when he was 8, but that is only at places we know and where people know us.

@Jonei so a boys safety/risk is worth less than a girls dignity/respect? I'm totally in favour of single sex spaces but I struggle a lot with this argument because I simply do not see what harm a boy (even age 10 or 11) could be to a woman or girl when chaperoned by their own mother. Public toilets have cubicles. It's still a private space.

A grown man in the ladies - completely unacceptable of course. That is a risk due to their size and strength in a small space. But a young boy? There is no risk and there is no invasion of privacy in a cubicle.

Fwiw my son is 11 and would not want to go into the ladies now. However I wouldn't be comfortable with him going into a massive block of toilets at a shopping centre for example. He would be very vulnerable.

Don't you think boys want that dignity and respect too? Being forced into the women's toilets, particularly at age 11, which is often secondary school age, isn't providing dignity and respect to boys or girls.

Waiting at the door, call out to child that they are ok, sure if they don't answer or seem to be taking longer than necessary, then go in. Risk assess, wait, listen, call out,and manage the situation. Using the women's toilets, particularly for an older boy, is not risk assessment. It's risk assessment avoidance due to extreme paranoia, and lack of respect towards other women and girls.

So, if we risk assess and deem the men's loo to be a bit dodgy, do we have your permission to take our sons in the ladies?

The listening and waiting is pretty pointless by the way. Abuse happens in seconds, it could be too late by then. Often the child won't scream, they'll be paralysed with fear. It's fine though, as long as the girls get to wash their hands with dignity.

Depends how old they are. What's the cut off age? Adulthood? Because lets face it, any male toilet provision is too scary for some of mother's here.

The listening and waiting is pretty pointless by the way. Abuse happens in seconds, it could be too late by then.

Oh for goodness sake. Maybe you should go and explore the principles of safeguarding and risk assessment. Because that paranoia is through the roof.

Maybe you should go and chat to some parents of sexually abused children and ask if they think our paranoia is valid.

I understand the paranoia may be difficult to overcome. However it's time to do something about that when those feelings / responses are impacting on yours or someone else's life to the point where you are holding a child back from independence, and you are using strategies, such as taking an older boy into the women's toilet to alleviate your fears.

Whilst little can be done to change the past, steps can be taken to ensure that your future responses to perceived risk going forward are proportionate. There are plenty of resources / support out there. Taking an older boy into the women's toilets is not a proportionate response to risk assessment and safeguarding.