To not want to drop friend off after work out of my way

[Cherryblossomgirly]

My friend doesn’t drive and she usually gets the bus back home from work bus she has recently been asking me and someone else to drop her off as it’s free, shorter journey time and they’ve become unreliable recently. The thing is, she lives the opposite way so I have to drive southbound 20 minutes, 20 minutes back to the junction and then 15 minutes northbound home, so a journey for me which would normally take about 20 minutes ends up taking about an hour (and because of traffic HER SIDE last night took almost 2hrs!) I know it’s good to be helpful but it’s just too cheeky for me, I wouldn’t mind if it were on the way but it’s just too much! I want to stop doing it but I don’t know what to excuse to give.
My other work friend complains about it too but it’s not as far for her as for me.

Winnipeg23 has said it all. Perfectly.

She isn't a real friend. Surely she knows it's out of your way, very selfish.

@CarmenBizet come on now, I can read perfectly well thank you - however my interpretation is clearly different to yours. What she means is - learn to drive or put up with the consequences and here are two examples of what you can put up with. Actually I agree with her but "learn to drive" is not always an option leaving the consequences.

Just say no.

Don’t make excuses. The second that you make excuses is the second she starts finding ways around them. Or imagining the excuses are only temporary and you’ll be back to giving her lifts soon.

This is CF behaviour. She’s a close friend so she knows she’s putting you out of your way and doesn’t care? Really?

the only way to deal with this is to be direct and honest. You don’t want to do it and it’s not sustainable for you. Don’t offer circumstances for which you will do it- I.e. in emergencies or you’ll find there’s suspiciously an emergency every day. Just be direct and say no, it doesn’t work for you.

She is really cheeky to ask. So many people that keep taking it you keep giving. I used to have another mum just turn up at my house, she would stay for hours and I would cancel plans. She then invited me round once and told me I had to leave within 15 minutes as she had an appointment at the library! Believe me even if she is a friend she will just keep taking and you will be shocked by how little she will do for you. Have seen so many people like this.

She’s made her tricky journey your horrible journey. Of course that isn’t ok - it’s selfish of her. Just tell her that now you’ve done the journey for her a few times it’s proven to be totally unmanageable and no small favour so it’s not something you can keep doing.

Also, the one phrase I have learned to use (I’m a people pleaser who hates conflict and I often used to do things that I dreaded rather than have someone be annoyed with me) is “That doesn’t work for me.” If they push for a reason, I tell them the truth rather than make excuses: “It’s not a quick lift. It’s adding at least 40 minutes to my journey every time. You can’t expect me to keep doing that.”

Being assertive is brilliant. It means you don’t get pushed into making your own life miserable while someone selfish watches in comfort.

This is absurd! DD is 18 and passed her test in Nov. She gives 2 friends lifts - they have both paid her £10 a week and taken her out for loads of lunches/breakfasts/coffees. And they live in the same direction! This is a grown woman with a brass neck!

This!

I would simply tell her it took you 2 hours to get home and it’s simply too far out of your way! Sorry

She's abusing your kind nature and probably knows you find it hard to say No

She's being totally unreasonable asking this of you

Tell her no, after a day at work you just want to go straight home

It's not your fault or problem that she has chosen not to get a licence

Friend, I love you but this is doubling, sometimes even quadrupling my commute and it's wearing me out. I'm willing to give you a ride every other Tuesday (or whatever) but other than that you'll just have to get it sorted.

“This is not a sustainable arrangement for me. It’s tripling my drive time and I can’t keep doing that. You’ll need to sort out a different travel arrangement.”

This is perfect. Her travel issues are not your problem to solve. She needs to either

put up with the bus
learn to drive
move closer to work
get another job closer to home.

If you really can’t tell her “no” then ask a mutual friend to do it, but someone has to otherwise you are lumbered giving this cheeky fucker a lift forever!

I did this with a friend when we worked at the same place, I drove her home even though it was out of my way and doubled my journey.

She insisted on paying me generously to cover the petrol; it was cheaper than a taxi for her and saved her an hour on the bus.

Her contribution paid for all my petrol use for the month so it was worth it for me as I was saving as much as I could, so it suited us both!

Say no..,it's costing you time and petrol in opposite direction.

Tell her exactly what you've written here, it's x minutes out of your way and more recently became if traffic it took TWO HOURS! No way, she needs to sort something else out. She shouldn't ask anyway given you're in the opposite direction.

If you can’t bring yourself to speak to her text her instead then you won’t ha be to listen to her excuses.

Tell her the lift thing isn't working for you anymore.
That traffic this last few weeks has trippled the time it takes you to arrive home from work, and since she wanted you to drive HER home to save her time , you know as a good friend she will understand your thinking.

Let us know how it goes.

Any decent friend would understand that you can't do this, once you explain the implications for you.

Give her a lift to the local bike shop

The fact that she even asked you to take her home in the opposite direction should give you a clue about her personality. Nobody reasonable would dream of asking for a lift home unless it was an emergency. She is using you like a taxi service. I know it can be awkward to be in this situation but she clearly thinks this is normal behaviour. Just tell her the extra 40 minutes of driving is stressing you out (which clearly it is - and would for anybody) and let that be the end of it.

We have clearly entered into the ‘cancel the cheque’ stage on this thread.

Hi Friend, Just to let you know, I won't be able to give you a lift home anymore as it triples my journey time. Cherry x

Short n sweet, nice and clear. Don't use the word sorry. You also have an excellent reason why not. No need to make anything up. She likes the shorter journey time, but doesn't care it's at the expense of you having a longer journey time!!! She's a user. Nip it in the bud, if you feel awkward it's because she made it awkward in the first place.