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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel genuinely upset by this?

175 replies

Floral2023 · 27/04/2023 16:39

I meet up with a friend and her dc once a week after school. Her eldest is almost 5 and I find her behaviour towards me to be rude and upsetting. My children would never behave like that and if they did they’d be spoken to about it!

She will say things to me like “I don’t like you coming to my house” and “you’re boring.” Her mum looks embarrassed and tells her to say sorry but she can still be rude. Her mum says she’s just tired from school but I am not sure it’s an excuse as mine wouldn’t be rude like that. She also moans at us both if we talk too loudly Hmm

AIBU to feel upset by the way she speaks to me? She’s known me her whole life and I’ve always had lots of time for her. This only started recently, mum wonders if it’s the influence of other children in her class, but i’m not so sure.

OP posts:
Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 16:41

YANBU. My 3 year old wouldn’t be that rude. She needs to be disciplined

Original poster
Floral2023 · 27/04/2023 16:41

If I didn’t have children I’d just think this is what they were like but I do and this isn’t typical from what I’ve seen from mine or their friends.

OP posts:
Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 16:53

She’s rude and bratty, end of. I wouldn’t let my child speak to an adult like that. It can be ‘inadvertent’ at 2 or 3, but 5? Nope, just rude, there would be a toy removed or similar.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 27/04/2023 16:55

She sounds like a right little madam. Mum needs to step in a little more I think.

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 27/04/2023 16:57

Sounds like mum needs to do some actual parenting and discipline her when she does it instead of making feeble excuses.

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 16:57

Are we going to have a thread full of posters calling a 5 year old child names?

drpet49 · 27/04/2023 16:58

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 16:57

Are we going to have a thread full of posters calling a 5 year old child names?

Yawn. The 5 year old is being extremely rude and her useless mother is enabling this behaviour.

Anon1368 · 27/04/2023 16:58

Some have personalities like that. But they still need pulling up on it. Parents with them might ignore it as they're worn out by it

JenniferBarkley · 27/04/2023 16:59

I have a DD the same age, if it's a recent thing I suspect it's some boundary testing and some trying out some cheekiness overheard at school. I wouldn't be shy about cheerfully but firmly replying "Well that's a shame Sarah, I really enjoy it when you come here!".

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 17:00

I'd just ignore her. I wouldn't get upset about a 5 year old.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 27/04/2023 17:02

I'd just reply back "your boring me with your stinky attitude sally."

She's 5, if her mother won't say anything then you correct her.

lljkk · 27/04/2023 17:02

um... it's a 4yo. I couldn't take them seriously or be upset by their words.

If you just want to dislike your friend because of or regardless of the quality of her parenting, then do that.

JenniferBarkley · 27/04/2023 17:02

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 17:00

I'd just ignore her. I wouldn't get upset about a 5 year old.

Yes, getting irritated is one thing but upset is quite another!

DrManhattan · 27/04/2023 17:02

100% on the mum. Lazy parenting. The kid should know by that age that it is impolite. Exception being if there are any SEN considerations.

DrManhattan · 27/04/2023 17:03

Not just the mum but the kids parents and carers.

Merryoldgoat · 27/04/2023 17:06

Even SEN kids can understand rudeness. Their language can be poorly chosen but ime an ND child with good enough language skills to express themselves like that can be taught how not to be overtly and purposely rude.

Merryoldgoat · 27/04/2023 17:07

*Even SOME SEN kids

hairdresserbreakup · 27/04/2023 17:09

I'd probably go with a very slightly jokey, but also slightly stern "Erm excuse me, that's not very nice/that's a bit rude." or similar. She probably is a bit jealous and wants attention from you or her mum. You could also try spending a few minutes focusing on her asking lots of questions, being amazed about something she's done etc.

She's not a 'brat' etc, she's just a little girl testing things out. She needs the adults around her to be clear about the boundaries.

Yerroblemom1923 · 27/04/2023 17:10

She's rude. Her mother should tell her before you meet up that it won't be tolerated and if she utters one more bratty, disrespectful remark to you there will be consequences (and follow through with them ofc)

LadyEuphorbiaAirPod · 27/04/2023 17:13

Yanbu to think it’s useless parenting.

yabu to be upset. She’s 5. It’s not personal.

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:15

What a brat. Tell her you dislike her. I cannot believe the mother is not giving her one hell of a telling off.

Landndialamrhf · 27/04/2023 17:15

She’s 5
its not her fault if she’s being allowed to behave that way. She’s not a brat.
she’s probably hearing something at school or maybe she wishes she had her mums attention, perhaps she’s trying to get it and failing since your friend isn’t stepping in and giving her any attention.
i think you’re being a bit ot to be hurt by what a 5 year old says.

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:16

Wonder if she’s brave enough to be so disrespectful to her teacher?

Gymmum82 · 27/04/2023 17:16

Pull her up on it yourself. ‘And you’re rude Sarah. Would you speak to your teacher like that? I suspect not so you won’t speak to me like that either’

LaMaG · 27/04/2023 17:16

It's not worth your energy getting upset over a stupid 5 Yr old. Some have no filter at that age but I suspect she is just bad mannered. If you sit there and take it you are enabling her too, and clearly mum is not willing to teach right from wrong. I work with this age group and find the best approach is let them know its not OK without using a bitchy tone, which is v tricky. Something like "in this house we use kind words" or "when you say someone is boring it hurts their feelings" or "i know you dont like it here but sometimes we have to do things we dont like' maybe do it while smiling at her or being affectionate so mum doesn't see it as a confrontation or disciplining as such.

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