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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel genuinely upset by this?

175 replies

Floral2023 · 27/04/2023 16:39

I meet up with a friend and her dc once a week after school. Her eldest is almost 5 and I find her behaviour towards me to be rude and upsetting. My children would never behave like that and if they did they’d be spoken to about it!

She will say things to me like “I don’t like you coming to my house” and “you’re boring.” Her mum looks embarrassed and tells her to say sorry but she can still be rude. Her mum says she’s just tired from school but I am not sure it’s an excuse as mine wouldn’t be rude like that. She also moans at us both if we talk too loudly Hmm

AIBU to feel upset by the way she speaks to me? She’s known me her whole life and I’ve always had lots of time for her. This only started recently, mum wonders if it’s the influence of other children in her class, but i’m not so sure.

OP posts:
Sleepydaffodil · 27/04/2023 17:16

YABU to be upset by a five year old child. Sure, be annoyed that her mother allows her to be rude and doesn’t correct/discipline her, but to be upset by it? That’s very dramatic.

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 17:17

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:16

Wonder if she’s brave enough to be so disrespectful to her teacher?

She's 5. Give over with OTT responses.

Farmerama1 · 27/04/2023 17:21

Is the mum ok? I’d be mortified if this was my child and do something about it to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

WonderingWanda · 27/04/2023 17:27

I wouldn't be upset by the way she spoke to me, she's 5 and it's likely not about you. How old is her sibling. My guess is she resents your visits because she wants attention from her Mum. The Mum's response does sound quite wet though and that would annoy me a bit.

MusicansMum · 27/04/2023 17:29

Are your kids there at the same time or is it just you? If it's just you I can see why she might want to be with her mum but feel she can't be, but if your kids are there too, then she's just being rude.

NeatCompactSleeper · 27/04/2023 17:30

Her parents need to start giving her consequences ever time she behaves like that.

There's no point in gently telling her off and then making excuses.

Percypigscrunchie · 27/04/2023 17:32

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 16:57

Are we going to have a thread full of posters calling a 5 year old child names?

You’re definitely the reason why there’s 5 year olds that are so nasty & rude 😂

Ellie1015 · 27/04/2023 17:34

It is rude, i would be glad mine don't behave like that.

I would never be hurt or upset if a 5 year old finds me or my house boring. That's their opinion and likely they don't even mean it. Don't let it bother you.

YouAreNotBatman · 27/04/2023 17:35

It’s not the kid.
It’s the parents.
Do they teach her anything?
Are they being neglectful?
That’s what this sounds like.
Is your friend wmotionally immature, poor with boundaries, lazy with education and manners?
Also, it means that this is how the adults talk in the hoise, not about you, just in general.

People really didn’t waste any time to jump an a little girl, gosh!

hattie43 · 27/04/2023 17:35

The kids a rude brat but it's the mothers fault

TheShade · 27/04/2023 17:37

Ah god… she’s 5 OP.
I would just ignore her, literally just laugh it off. I bet her mum is horrified and just needs to keep correcting her til she stops.

strawberryjeans · 27/04/2023 17:38

Oh that’s so rude! Why can’t she say, name that is VERY rude. She needs to learn or she will go on like this and what is barely acceptable (ish) for a 5 year old will be extremely rude with each year she gets older

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:38

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 17:17

She's 5. Give over with OTT responses.

Show quote history

She’s a brat. I know plenty five year olds who are not. Why should this charmer be allowed to be so rude and nasty?

I8toys · 27/04/2023 17:38

Its a mum problem. I would correct her and pull her up on her rudeness but if you want to continue the friendship you have to put up with her mother/father not having a spine. Can you imagine the teenage years?

nomoredriving · 27/04/2023 17:38

hattie43 · 27/04/2023 17:35

The kids a rude brat but it's the mothers fault

I'd say it's the parents fault....

If fault is to be apportioned

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/04/2023 17:41

Does she hear her mother say the same about you?

Cam22 · 27/04/2023 17:41

AlwaysGinPlease · 27/04/2023 17:41

Does she hear her mother say the same about you?

Huh?

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 27/04/2023 17:44

Percypigscrunchie · 27/04/2023 17:32

You’re definitely the reason why there’s 5 year olds that are so nasty & rude 😂

Show quote history

Why?

Because I don't call 5 year old children names on the internet ?

Stripycatz · 27/04/2023 17:45

Stop going at that time.
She needs to spend some time with her mum after a busy day at school. She hasn't yet learned how to politely ask if you could come back another time when she's less tired and less able to compete with other adults for her mum's attention, so she's just telling you how it is.
Why not suggest a catch up after her bedtime, or at the weekend?

ShippingForecastMeditator · 27/04/2023 17:46

Maybe she just wants her mum’s attention after school instead of having to listen to adult chit-chat (which is SO boring at that age)? She’s only 4 so is expressing this in the only way she knows how. Does her mum spend quality, focussed time with her in general? While I realise she shouldn’t be allowed to call the shots there is very obviously a jealousy issue here. Not all kids are sociable either, however much we try to force them to be.

MissyB1 · 27/04/2023 17:47

So I had the exact same situation with a friend’s ds, he was about 6 or 7 though at the time. I remember him telling me to my face “go home now I don’t want you here” and “I didnt invite you, why are you here”.

I just replied “no you didn’t invite me, your mum did and it’s her I’m here to see.” When he told me again to go home I just chuckled and said “it’s the adults who make those decisions not little children, now why don’t you go and play?”

My friend was mortified - but not enough to correct him!

Cherryblossomgirly · 27/04/2023 17:47

Not at all, I would be offended too. It’s not nice to be spoken to like that! That’s incredibly rude and her mum should say something to her about treating people nicely.

Bunnyhair · 27/04/2023 17:48

You're a grown-ass adult. If a bit of backchat from a hangry 5-y-o hurts your feelings to this extent maybe seek help.

MelchiorsMistress · 27/04/2023 17:48

YABU to be upset about what a 5yo says, but YANBU to extremely pissed off with your ‘friend’ for allowing her child to be so rude to you.

BackOfTheMum5net · 27/04/2023 17:49

Why would you let the opinion of a five year old upset you? It’s not her you’re there to see.

Not excusing her behaviour, but I wouldn’t be affected by it, personally.